We realised my 3-year-old was missing at a family party – we thought she’d been abducted, the truth was even worse
LOSING a child is every parent’s worst nightmare, and one mum has bravely recounted her experience to warn other parents.
Kirsty Doig shared how the hardest day of her life ended up giving her purpose once again.
Speaking on Made by Mammas: The Podcast, Kirsty shared her family’s story.
“I’m a mum to three little ones, two still here,” the Scot told podcast listeners.
While she is now living in Scotland with her “two very rambunctious sons,” Kirsty was living in South Africa when tragedy struck.
“We had a little boy who was not loving school, not loving his environment,” she explained.
Hoping to offer their children a more active and outdoorsy childhood, the couple “took the leap” and moved continents.
They’re older son was already in school while their daughter Darcey was one and their younger son Lachlan was born two months after their move.
Kirsty described their new lives as “love at first sight” and said “everything about it felt almost immediately like home.”
Three years later, they were settled and hosting family from back home during the South African summer.
On February 14, they were enjoying “the most beautiful summer’s day” by the pool in their garden with family.
She recalled how her eldest’s sons school friends had been over earlier in the afternoon, meeting his cousins.
Chillingly, that day the adults had been discussing how “all we have to do is just keep them alive” in relation to their kids.
Once some of the party had left, the family were looking forward to a relaxing evening in the sun.
Kirsty had gone inside to prepare dinner, dropping a pizza out to the adults who were still sitting by the pool.
She recalled how Darcey was hanging around in the garden “doing her Darcey things.”
An collision between her son and one of his cousins, which resulted in a bloody nose, meant the adults were temporarily distracted.
Tips to Keep Children Safe in Water
IF you are going on holiday this year and want to keep your kids safe when in water, here are some important things to note.
- Constant Supervision:
- Always keep a close watch on children when they are in or near water.
- Avoid distractions like phones or books.
- Learn CPR:
- Take a CPR course to be prepared for emergencies.
- Ensure that any caregivers or babysitters also know CPR.
- Swim Lessons:
- Enroll children in age-appropriate swim lessons.
- Encourage them to practice regularly to build confidence and skills.
- Use Life Jackets:
- Ensure children wear U.S. Coast Guard-approved life jackets when boating or near open bodies of water.
- Do not rely solely on inflatable toys or floaties for safety.
- Establish Water Rules:
- Set and enforce rules such as no running near the pool, no diving in shallow water, and swimming only with adult supervision.
- Secure Pools:
- Install barriers around pools, such as fences with self-latching gates.
- Use pool covers and alarms to provide additional layers of security.
- Educate About Water Hazards:
- Teach children about the dangers of drains and suction outlets in pools and hot tubs.
- Explain the risks of natural water bodies like currents, tides, and underwater obstacles.
- Stay Hydrated and Sun-Protected:
- Ensure children drink plenty of water and take breaks to avoid dehydration.
- Apply waterproof sunscreen to protect their skin from harmful UV rays.
- Buddy System:
- Encourage the buddy system where children swim in pairs or groups, ensuring they look out for each other.
- Check Water Depth and Conditions:
- Verify the depth of the water and check for any hazards before allowing children to enter.
- Be aware of weather conditions and avoid swimming during storms or strong currents.
By following these tips, you can significantly enhance the safety of children in and around water, ensuring they have a fun and secure experience.
After only a few minutes, they noticed Darcey was nowhere to be seen and started searching for her.
They quickly checked her bedroom and the pool and couldn’t find the almost four-year-old anywhere, also calling emergency services to report her as missing.
“At this point, we thought she’d been taken,” Kirsty explained to hosts Zoe Hardman and Georgia Dayton.
Half an hour had passed at this point and the family’s neighbours were drawn over after hearing the frantic shouts from the search.
She recalled how one of her neighbours walked around to the other side of the infinity pool and spotted Darcey at the bottom of it.
Kirsty bravely described how her friend dove in and pulled her daughter out.
However, she said it was immediately apparent that Darcey had been under the water too long.
The evening that it happened, I remember the feeling of my little girl is now a statistic.
Kirsty Doig
With the police already en route, the group decided to administer CPR and little Darcey was pronounced dead 40 minutes later when an ambulance finally arrived.
Kirsty explained that she had put all her children, including Darcey, into swimming lessons as early as possible.
She described how her family would spend “80% of our time” in their pool during the summer months.
“It was Darcey’s absolute happiest space,” she said, recalling how her daughter would sometimes get in before and after nursery.
Reeling from the devastation, Kirsty decided to channel her loss into something positive.
“The evening that it happened, I remember the feeling of my little girl is now a statistic,” she recalled.
She’s gone from being this vibrant little girl to a number on a form.
Kirsty Doig
“She’s gone from being this vibrant little girl to a number on a form.”
The grieving mum cited the statistic that there an average of 30 drownings every hour across the world.
Honouring Darcey’s middle name “Sunshine,” she decided to spread just that.
To mark her daughter’s fourth birthday, Kirsty and a friend set up a programme to feed school children during the pandemic.
“For me, it was the only way I could have possibly taken another step through life,” she said.
“If I could find some way to bring her with me and talk about her.”
If she had been wearing something bright and vibrant there’s a chance we would’ve seen her straight away.
Kirsty Doig
Eventually, Kirsty’s positive work led her to developing a The Darcey Sunshine Foundation, which sets out to educate children on water safety.
She pointed out that even “keen competent” swimmers like Darcey can get in trouble in a second.
Kirsty explained that things such as pool coverings and dressing your kids in brightly covered swimwear are vital for safety.
“Darce being Darce, she was pretty much 90% of the time naked or just wearing pants,” she recalled.
“If she had been wearing something bright and vibrant there’s a chance we would’ve seen her straight away.”
Explaining that every drowning is preventable, Kirsty discussed the main goals of the foundation.
We can all swim until something happens and we can’t anymore, that’s the issue with water.
Kirsty Doig
“I thought I want to make sure that every single one of those lives lost has a meaning, and the meaning is protecting other people,” she said
“We can all swim until something happens and we can’t anymore, that’s the issue with water.
“Constantly being aware around water is vital, it doesn’t take long for something to go wrong.
“Our main goals are to make sure every single child, wherever they are from, whatever background, has the ability to navigate the world safely and the world is 70% water.”
The Darcey Sunshine Foundation teaches swimming skills and basic water safety such as floating, shouting, and self rescue.
“Children in South Africa often taught to fear the water, if you’ve always feared it you’re 100% going to panic if you find yourself in it,” Kirsty explained.
“We need to get away from fear and teach knowledge, and teach confidence.”
Since the first Sunshine kids splashed into the pool in February 2021, 472 children have now received survival swim skills through the preschool program.
You can learn more about their work on their website.