Real Housewives of Salt Lake City Finale Recap: Burn Books Also Burn Bridges
Within the first five minutes of this finale, I knew we were in for something explosive — I just didn’t anticipate the level of unrelenting insanity these women were able to pack in 40 minutes of television. If you had asked me at the end of last season if anything would measure up to the Reality Von Tease dinner, I would’ve told you that would be impossible. I was proven wrong.
Once again, we have Heather Gay to thank for a memorable finale dinner, and I think many owe her an apology. Say what you want about Heather’s character. You can call her annoying or desperate all you want, but you can’t deny what she has given us: one of the most diabolical dinner “games” in Housewives history. This entire season was full of relatively pointless and petty dramas, but each meaningless fight or disagreement was a front for the tension bubbling under the surface. As Heather pointed out, they were damaged by Monica’s betrayal and likely Jen Shah’s deception. But most importantly, over the last five years, these women have become true stars on one of the most explosive mainstream reality television shows … and have all gone crazy and been damaged. These women barely flinched at the suggestion of finding and sharing the meanest text message they sent about their friends, making them stronger than the troops. This entire season was watching these women take one step forward and three steps back, and for a brief moment, I thought, maybe they can actually start fresh. Then, Whitney goes and brings a new rumor about Lisa’s marriage to the table.
I love being reminded how these women truly know each other; how else could Heather know all of them dressing up as Lisa would work so well? Lisa’s favorite thing is Lisa; of course, she was speechless. I love that Meredith also wore a wig, reminding me of how I could not tell Meredith and Lisa apart for the first few episodes in season one.
But it took only seven minutes of airtime for shit to go sideways. Doing impressions of Lisa is the type of thing she would love, but ONLY if done exactly how she wants it to be done. I believe Whitney’s dig at Lisa’s returning clothes was her defense of Meili, who was accused of this in Milwaukee by Lisa. It was an extremely forgettable moment, especially because Meili disappeared as a “friend of,” but it was truly bold of Whitney to bring the heat so early.
Lisa has always been reactive, but am I wrong to think her behavior this season has been next level? Her fuse has been extra short, and it takes basically nothing for her to get really nasty. Again, within ten minutes, she said, “Your gut is off; it is leaking. Take a probiotic, it is a mess.” She just had that on her mind, ready to go? Of course, Whitney REALLY has become a master at knowing how to back Lisa into a corner. Yes, Lisa’s anger feels instantly violent and she is baseline volatile, but I do think Whitney knows what she’s doing to an extent. It doesn’t take a genius to know that the way to get someone like Lisa looking worse than you is to insult them calmly and rationally.
I also have been floored this season by all the ways Britani can center herself, even when it goes against what is best for her. This time, coming for Mary of all people, she didn’t need to say, “What about me?” because everything she says is basically, “I would like to be involved here.” It makes no sense because she got off basically unscathed after secretly recording everyone. And I understand Angie and Lisa running after her for one reason: it deflates and deflects from any real drama happening that surely would have escalated. Angie and Lisa don’t really care about Britani, they just need to get away from everyone! It’s exhausting, but it’s needed in this group. The one thing they can agree on is that managing Britani is easier than confronting other problems.
Most of the action in the episode takes place at dinner, starting with a moving moment between Mary and Angie, who have a deeper friendship than I could have predicted. I don’t know what work Mary has been doing on herself, but she has found a way to communicate her pain. Perhaps this is because of the love she has found with Angie’s friendship. Saying, “Angie brought me sisterhood,” and describing how her entire life has been marred by rejection and abandonment, probably rang true for everyone at the table. Outside of fame, why else would these women agree to be on Housewives if not to feel in control of their lives?
I thought we were done hearing about the Alibaba (or, as I say now, “Ali Baw Baw”) drama, but Meredith finally made a salient point regarding it. Whitney has been dangling this proof that Lisa leaked that story, but where is it? Why could she not provide any proof of Lisa’s transgressions all season? If that proof is not provided in some way during the three-part reunion, I don’t really know why Whitney spent the entire season sparring with Lisa.
As this dinner went on, Heather fooled me into thinking she was trying to solve this group’s core issues: a zooming out of their experience on this show. Not only do they have to face one another, they are hyper-aware of their outside perception. She makes great points! They are obsessed with how they are judged, the pain the experience that makes them act out on camera, and how we, as an audience, have made them so defensive they cannot even hash out their problems.
Watching Heather honing in on how they are the only ones who understand why they act out constantly despite knowing better, she had total control of the table. These women are exhausted! They’re always tallying who said what and why. I think it could have ended there with them agreeing to a clean slate because they have gone bananas one-upping each other. But then, Heather put on her Saw mask and went full Jigsaw. She turned their healing into a game.
I love it when the Housewives create a dinner game. It’s one of those things that have become so normal throughout watching so many seasons of various franchises, it’s been easy to forget just how totally INSANE it is for adults to find ways to fight during a fabulous dinner. Thankfully, Heather was clocked in. The second she introduced the idea of finding the meanest thing someone has said and sharing it, I wondered if that was allowed. Heather basically reinvented the wheel here.
If anything shows how these women are all meant to be friends, it was their lack of hesitation in participating in this exercise. They accepted it, spent a few minutes silently on their phone, and just did it? No opposition? Again, I must reiterate: they are braver than the troops.
If I had a heart rate monitor, it would have spiked when Heather read Mary’s message. Mary has called Heather inbred and fat on camera, but knowing she could cut deeper without hurling any insults about her appearance is infinitely more painful. And you know what, Heather handled it extremely well — to the point where I thought maybe this game was a good idea.
This also proves what Heather said about Britani previously: she doesn’t have a truly mean bone in her body. It also proved why she has been as good of an addition as Bronwyn. Saying she’d rather have tea with Bronwyn than with Mary? What goes on in her beautiful mind? The women were incredulous, but I know they understood her for real at that moment. She cannot gauge the stakes of ANYTHING that happens with these women, and she has no idea what she has gotten herself into by being on this show. I hope she never learns.
Bronwyn played the entire game so well by sharing her text about Britani. There’s no universe where that’s the meanest thing she said about anyone at the table, but being mean about Britani is a victimless crime. Nothing she said was worse than what she actually said to Britani’s face. But wow, did she really get torn apart by Angie.
Again, these women have likely hundreds of cruel messages they have sent about someone in this group. Their choice of texts is strategic. They are choosing texts they could come back from or that could destroy someone. This is why Angie’s choice floored me. Texting with a friend about it, she described Angie perfectly: Regina George with a heart of gold. I feel compelled to share Angie’s full text here because it is a work of art, and I could tell by Angie’s reaction to Bronwyn reading it that Angie knew it was iconic and going to accelerate her to ICON status. She earned her seat next to Andy at the reunion with this:
Bronwyn seems nice. I like her business plan: marrying a guy with one foot in the grave and one on a banana peel. But I like mine better; I’d rather be self-made. She’s nice, but she doesn’t listen because her ears are stitched down to her face so tight she can’t hear anything. She wears a hot dog outfit to remind us she sucked her way to the top.
Bronwyn is an amazing sport. I feel truly bad for her, and I have ended this season being a true fan. These women are used to this type of cruelty. Bronwyn was a civilian until now, and she took it like a real champ. Which leaves me torn about where I stand with Whitney’s text.
They all agreed to participate in this torture, Lisa and Meredith included. They all said shit more mean than anything most people would privately think about their own friends and handled it calmly. On a good day, Lisa cannot handle someone gently criticizing her, so it’s hard to believe Whitney thought this would go well and be forgiven. I am always flip-flopping on what I think Whitney’s motivations are. Is she a little dim for sharing a new rumor about Lisa’s marriage and did she think this would be accepted and Lisa would move on?
Every single one of these women has faced rumors of infidelity or broken marriages at some point; they are no strangers to how much of that carries through their conflict. However, the idea that Lisa and John have introduced a third to their marriage is insane information to bring up on camera. This information would be pretty wild to hear in any franchise but remember: Lisa and John are still Mormon. Their son is currently on a mission!
Was Lisa blowing up justified? It was certainly understandable, especially knowing Lisa. There’s no other way this could have gone, and again, Whitney could have shared anything. I think she masterfully knew how to introduce a new rumor and also push Lisa to her limit. That being said, Lisa could have blown up completely without bringing Angie’s marriage into the mix.
Lisa and Angie are already on shaky ground, and the rumors about Shawn’s sexuality have already caused so much damage to Angie. Lisa readily brought up that she heard Shawn participate in circle jerks, which totally derailed any upper hand Lisa could have had by being upset with Whitney’s text. It just goes to show how absolutely nasty Lisa is at a moment’s notice. So, was Whitney really going too hard sharing that rumor? It’s still hard for me to know without whatever additional information we get in the reunion episodes.
Heather’s initial point before the text game still stands, regardless of her intention and execution. These women are losing their minds because they’re on the defensive with the world and each other. But that is why, regardless of what happens and how far they go, they are locked in to be on this show for as long as they can take it. As far as original cast members go, the only one who is no longer present is Jen Shah, who is in prison. Unless these women are charged with wire fraud, I do not see them getting off our screens in the next few years, but where could they possibly go from here?
Related