The Traitors Recap: Heads Will Roll
Did Gabby and her tall boots catch the Traitors slipping out of the wine cellar? That’s the question last week’s episode left us with, as we saw her lurking about à la MJ last season. In her confessional, she tells us that she did hear Danielle’s voice through the bookcase, but she scurried off before anybody came out, knowing that catching them would put her at risk. So luckily for the Traitors, nobody was there to catch them as they all awkwardly exited the bookcase like a couple trying to act casual after having sex in an airplane bathroom.
But that doesn’t mean they made a totally clean getaway. In addition to Gabby’s suspicion, Dylan senses that something is up and also directs his attention to the hidden-bookcase room, where he’s adamant something has been moved. While he doesn’t find concrete evidence, Danielle watches on — and between this and coming after Bob, it’s clear that Dylan is the closest to figuring the Traitors out, and they know it, which could put him at serious risk.
With three names successfully shortlisted for death, Alan, dressed as Darkwing Duck, summons our players outside with a bell, announcing that Jeremy, Nikki, and Ciara have been nominated to die. Into the coffins they go, with Ciara reiterating her Faithful status, Nikki trying to appeal to the Traitors by saying her strength will add money to the pot, and Jeremy (in the weirdest move of all) promising to work with the Traitors if they spare him. Because Jeremy is ultimately killed, we don’t get to see how that statement would have sat with the other players had he lived.
But before we get to that reveal, let’s talk about breakfast. First and foremost, in a game of shocking twists and turns, it’s a great relief that we have one constant that we can count on: Chrishell will always look gorgeous. In addition to her sequined pink blazer, another fashion moment comes via Sam Asghari’s headband, which he confusingly says was given to him by Britney (but not the Britney you’re thinking of). As for gameplay, Robyn confidently floats the incorrect idea that there were Traitors in the coffins, and Gabby mentions hearing Danielle behind the bookcase. Unfortunately, when the bookcase gets brought up to the table, everybody has a little “I Am Spartacus” moment where they all cop to checking out that room, giving them no real answers.
Interestingly enough, when it’s revealed that Jeremy’s dead, the person who takes it the worst is Carolyn, who killed him. She considers him a part of her Survivor family and resents Danielle for strong-arming her into going along with it. These Traitors are a disaster, and I love to see it.
This week’s episode is also an important reminder of why the missions are so important. They’re an opportunity for Alan Cumming’s dog, Lala, to show off her gorgeous little outfits. This week, Lala, in her finest couture, leads us to a hillside with pieces of statues strewn about. Our players have to carry them to the top of the hill and reassemble them. If they’re able to get the statue head with their name on it on one of the bodies, they earn a shield. This makes me wonder if perhaps Stonehenge was assembled as a part of whatever the Neolithic Age’s version of The Traitors was.
As the mission begins, everybody takes off, eager to put their head on one of the limited bodies available. Bob the Drag Queen thinks they all should have had a civilized conversation about who needs the shields the most and worked together to prioritize those heads — which is a delusion of grandeur. This mission is dog-eat-dog (except for you, Lala), and the chips will fall where they may.
When all the heads are assembled and shields are counted, we find out that the ones at risk of murder are Ciara, Carolyn (but not really), Nikki, Ivar, Robyn, Sam, Gabby, and Derek. As they take stock of this lineup, Bob the Drag Queen, unprovoked, says he thinks one of the new guys should have gotten a shield since everyone thinks one of them is a Traitor. Boston Rob, a new guy who is a Traitor, doesn’t take too kindly to being thrown under the bus like this in front of everybody, so much so that we can almost see a forehead vein bulging through his backward cap.
At that moment, he lost his trust in Bob, and he thinks it’s about time the Faithfuls got some blood. “What I wanna do is blindside Bob the Drag Queen, and I gotta do it tonight,” he tells us in a confessional, but he can’t do it too publicly and risk losing Carolyn and Danielle’s trust, so instead of being the face of this cause, he tries to pull the strings from behind the curtain. Back at the castle, he plants the idea in practically any ear he can find, and once he feels confident in his numbers, he takes the plan to Carolyn and Danielle, the latter of whom immediately shoots it down. He doesn’t fight back but tells Carolyn privately that the plan is still a go, with or without Danielle on board.
When they arrive at the roundtable, Wes kicks things off by throwing out Nikki’s name and urging everybody to stick with their initial instinct that someone in those coffins was a Traitor. Luckily for Nikki, her fellow Bambis, Chrishell and Gabby, quickly come to her defense and take much of the wind out of this theory’s sails. Following that same logic, Derrick instead floats Ciara’s name on account of her use of profanity — an argument I don’t fucking follow at all.
But before we slip too far down that rabbit hole, Boston Rob bravely steps up and reminds us why he’s a legend. “Since I got here, there’s been one person who’s been quarterbacking this entire show,” he says. “And I believe that person is the person who’s a Traitor.” He then dramatically turns his head and locks eyes with his target. “Bob the Drag Queen,” he says with his full chest, and while we knew this was coming, we never could have known how brilliant the delivery would be. I screamed, I cackled, I had to run a lap around my apartment. Bob’s reaction of genuine shock was not only television gold, but it was a stronger indictment against him than anything Rob could have said. We got to see what his real shocked face looks like, hammering home just how fake every other “shocked” reaction he’s delivered thus far really was.
“I am just gonna say nine words: I swear to God that I am a Faithful,” he says. Boston Rob replies, “Let me say two words: You’re not.” Nonetheless, they both, of course, go on to say many more words. As Rob attacks, I can’t help but get nervous at the thought of this plan not working. Imagine what the turret meeting would look like if Rob had to come face-to-face with Bob after all this. I’d probably just leave. Luckily for Rob, Bob’s response is weak — rather than redirect his energy to someone like Nikki, whose name is already in the mix and has backing, he throws Rob’s accusation right back at him, which would only split the non-Bob vote further. This is a numbers game, and he fumbled it.
“Bob is an amazing actor; I grew up with an actor,” Dylan Efron chimes in, prompting Bob to cut in with, “Not a good one.” I can excuse killing Housewives, but I draw the line at insulting Zac Efron’s talents. How can you watch a film like Hairspray (2007) and spread these vile lies? You’ve lost all credibility. Even Dolores, who’s witnessed full-fledged physical assaults on RHONJ, draws the line here, saying, “That’s not nice.”
Through all of this, Danielle is pissed that she too was essentially blindsided and struggles with a dilemma: If she votes for Bob, it helps her look like a Faithful, but it would mean betraying her ride-or-die. She ends up choosing die.
When the votes are cast, Bob the Drag Queen is, in fact, eliminated. Ultimately, game aside, I think this was the best thing that could have happened for Bob, who’s a celebrity we love but one who did not shine in this game at all, instead becoming a villain. Being bad at the game was strike one with the audience, killing Dorinda Medley was strike two, and calling Zac Efron a bad actor was strike three — it’s best that he escaped this show now before the backlash got even worse. Plus, now he’ll have time to watch The Iron Claw. He manages to leave on a high note, with a theatrical reveal where he doubles down on swearing to God before admitting he didn’t believe in God and was thus a Traitor after all, causing the room to erupt like they had all just won the Super Bowl.
On top of that, Bob’s postgame confessional kept it classy, acknowledging the move as good gameplay because Boston Rob saw him as a threat. Meanwhile, Danielle was having a complete breakdown in her confessional, sobbing and vowing to avenge Bob’s death. As if the relationship between our Traitors could have gotten any messier — they’re now at risk of cannibalizing each other further instead of focusing on taking out Faithfuls. But Danielle should be careful, especially since Boston Rob and Carolyn have a built-in Survivor bond, and Carolyn already doesn’t seem too fond of working with her.
As our players celebrate their victory, Dylan gets his flowers for being right about Bob from the start — reaffirming the comparisons to Pilot Pete’s arc from last season. But now that he’s essentially confirmed his Faithful status, will he, like Pete, be offered the chance to join the Traitors? Time will tell, but as everybody pats him on the back for this week, Dolores says, “Good job, Dylan. And, listen, your brother’s a good actor.” If there’s one thing (some) Real Housewives of New Jersey respect, it’s family.
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