The 7 signs your child might be contemplating suicide, and how to help them

IT’S every parent’s worst fear. The nightmarish notion that your child might be having – and could act upon – suicidal thoughts. 

But it’s a vital topic that we have to tackle.

We’ve seen the harsh reality and prevalence of young people taking their own lives in the headlines this week. 

An inquest has revealed that 12-year-old Semina Halliwell from Southport took a lethal overdose after reporting she was sexually assaulted. She tragically died in hospital in June 2021.

And grieving mum Ellen Roome, 48, from Cheltenham is demanding answers from social media companies, fearing her 14-year-old son Jools Sweeney killed himself in an ‘online challenge’ that went wrong in 2022. 

Young mother Kiena Dawes, 23, from Fleetwood in Lancashire died by suicide in 2022 after suffering domestic abuse at the hands of her former partner Ryan Wellings, 30, a court heard this week.  

Suicide remains the biggest killer of people under 35 in the UK and over 200 teenagers are lost to suicide each year, according to the Office for National Statistics.

So, what can we do as parents if we suspect our child is having suicidal thoughts? 

Director of Childline, Shaun Friel, highlights seven signs that could suggest a young person might be feeling suicidal. He says they might: 

1. Stop wanting to see their friends or do things they normally like doing
2. Talk about feeling down, low or depressed
3. Start doing dangerous things like taking drugs or drinking alcohol
4. Give away things they own
5. Stop looking after themselves – for example they might not wash as often or care about their appearance like they used to
6. Mention that they’re planning to take their own life
7. Say things like ‘It’ll be over soon’, ‘I’d be better off dead, ‘I don’t want to be here anymore’ or ‘no one will miss me’

The CALM (Campaign Against Living Miserably) charity’s services director, Wendy Robinson, addresses the difficulties in sparking mental health conversations as parents, and how to overcome them.

“When you’re worried about a young person, deciding how to support them can feel overwhelming,” she says. 

“If you’ve spent any amount of time with a 15-24-year-old, you’ll know the huge range of pressures they‘re facing. School. College. First jobs. Friendships. Relationships. Social media. Body image. Money. Home. Parenthood. The list is endless. 

“Knowing how to support someone through it can feel impossible. But there are practical things you can do.

“Is their reaction proportionate to their situation? It’s natural for young people to feel a certain degree of stress and discomfort when faced with difficult situations, decisions and challenges. 

“But if you’re noticing more sustained, long-term patterns or an inability to cope, you need to reach out for professional support from a GP, counsellor or CAMHS (Children and Adolescent Mental Health Services).”

Wendy explains that a conversation about suicide should not be avoided.   

She says: “If they feel hopeless or trapped, or that things will not get better, ask directly if they are thinking about suicide. It’s a difficult but necessary question.

“We know that people who’ve struggled with suicidal thoughts feel intense relief when the pressure to talk about it is taken off their shoulders. While saying those words can feel scary, it can make a life-saving difference.

“Talking about suicide won’t put the idea in their head. It will create an opportunity for them to be honest about what’s going on.

“If a young person speaks to you about ending their life, always take them seriously – never ignore or underestimate someone – and never dismiss them as ‘attention seeking’.”

If you’ve spent any amount of time with a 15-24-year-old, you’ll know the huge range of pressures they‘re facing. School. College. First jobs. Friendships. Relationships. Social media. Body image. Money. Home. Parenthood. The list is endless

Wendy RobinsonCALM (Campaign Against Living Miserably) charity’s Services Director

Ben West, 23, is the best-selling author of This Book Could Save Your Life and a mental health campaigner, who was recognised for his work at The Sun’s Who Cares Wins awards in 2019.

He lost brother Sam in 2018 to suicide aged just 15. 

He spoke to broadcaster and author Fearne Cotton on her Happy Place podcast about the signs of his little brother’s deteriorating mental state.

Ben said: “When we were growing up with our other brother Tom, we were always playing and messing around together. Over time, we didn’t do that as much and Sam started spending a lot of time on his own. 

“He’d be in his room for days and just became really secluded. He wouldn’t talk at dinner. He just wouldn’t get involved, and he didn’t have that sense of humour that he used to have with us.”  

He spoke on the podcast about the importance of initiating that very first, difficult chat with a young person who may be having suicidal ideation. A conversation he wishes he’d have had with Sam. 

Ben said: “It’s really normal to feel nervous about asking people if they’re okay. And I don’t think we talk about that enough. It’s really, really scary.  

“Mental health problems thrive in secrecy. But starting with: ‘I’ve noticed this change in you lately’, and give an example. And ‘I understand that you might not want to talk because of this or that reason, and I don’t have to do anything, but let’s talk about it, right? And we can just see how it goes.”

Ben went on to say: “When we’re supporting someone, the most powerful thing you can say is ‘you don’t have to do any of this on your own, you know?’ It’s saying: ‘let’s do this together, let’s really walk alongside each other and come up with a plan together.’”

The charity PAPYRUS (Prevention of Young Suicide, formerley Parent’s Association for the Prevention of Suicide) states: “Recent research has shown that asking a young person if they are experiencing thoughts of suicide can actually reduce the risk of them ending their life.” 

And CALM’s Wendy Robinson added: “If you suspect a young person plans to act on suicidal thoughts, take immediate steps to keep them safe. 

“Call 999 or take them to A&E. The NHS is clear that a mental health emergency should be taken as seriously as a physical one. You will not be wasting anyone’s time.” 

CALM has put together an online C.A.R.E Kit (Check in, Ask how they are, Remain close, Expert ) for families of suicidal young people at https://care.thecalmzone.net/