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News Every Day |

As a mother and professor, I noticed my students are perfectionists. I'm now modeling my imperfect behavior for my daughter.

College students seem to struggle with original thought, according to the author.
  • I teach writing courses to undergraduates at the University of Michigan.
  • Many of my students seem to struggle with traits of perfectionism and formulating independent ideas.
  • I'm rethinking how I model my life for my daughter to foster her autonomy and sense of self.

I've been teaching University of Michigan students how to write for over a decade, starting as a graduate student instructor and now as a middle-aged mom. I've worked closely with all students — from the pre-med freshmen to the seasoned seniors majoring in creative writing.

Through our in-class discussions and their writing, I've glimpsed into a wide sampling of backgrounds. The majority of students hail from places like where I'm raising my own daughter — the university town of Ann Arbor.

Therefore, it's impossible not to view my students through the lens of my child's development.

I've noticed most of my students are able to articulate most things — except who they are. They are only concerned with test scores and perfectionism.

This makes me wonder if I should change the way I'm raising my daughter to give her a better sense of self.

Students struggle with independent thought and a sense of self

Most high schools teach students to write formulaically. If they follow that formula, then they will receive a good grade.

But in my class, I encourage my students to write originally. I've realized that students struggle without the formula, without a road map. They struggle to come up with original ideas out of fear they will fail or not suit my needs.

After class, I am swarmed by eager questions asking what I want them to write. When a deadline looms, I clarify office hours are not for me to think of their ideas. I've received e-mails with bulleted topics for me to pick beforehand.

I had a class free write on ambition and perfection. Students asked if it would be collected. Did I want a title? Is their name top right or left? The point was to sit with their thoughts long enough to hear their own ideas. They struggle to tell their own story.

"I figured out what you want," a business student approached me once, grinning. "A pioneering idea!"

He waited for me to confirm he'd guessed my definition of the correct idea. I wanted to tell him that the student with a pioneering idea won't care what his English professor wishes to read.

Modern parenting techniques are breeding perfectionism

Research published cites a significant rise in perfectionism in young people compared to previous generations. The study found that 88% linked their perfectionist traits to academic achievements.

But where does all of this start? I think it starts back in childhood. Overbearing parents are creating a lack of intrinsic decision-making in their kids. Gentle parents are becoming helicopter parents by reading a book about not becoming helicopter parents.

Parents are turning to specialists for picky-eating, proprioception-system correcting, and allergens. In doing so, we're fueling the child-perfecting industry.

I'm modeling imperfect behavior for my daughter

Parents hide their inexperience, even though we all go onstage cold. But we must let our kids see who we really are — imperfect creatures who make mistakes.

I've stopped deducting points from my self-imposed score. I schedule less and cancel more. I foster my daughter's independence by shifting focus back to my growth, showing her my life as I draft it — my mistakes and disappointments.

In doing so, I hope she understands perfectionism isn't the goal.

Read the original article on Business Insider

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