Harriette Cole: I don’t think his sister likes me, and I don’t know what to do
DEAR HARRIETTE: I am currently dating someone who is the youngest of 10 siblings. He recently introduced me to his oldest sister, and I got the feeling that she wasn’t really a fan of me. She was rather dismissive throughout the night.
I tried expressing my concern to my partner later on, but he sort of laughed it off and minimized her poor etiquette by calling her a “tough nut to crack.”
I am supposed to be meeting his mom for the first time soon and spending time with his family to ring in the new year. I want to make a good impression on them for the sake of our relationship, but I know this sister will be there and can’t help but wonder if all his siblings are “tough nuts.”
How do I bring forth my best self when it seems like some of his loved ones are simply not interested in getting to know me?
— Family Hurdles
DEAR FAMILY HURDLES: Sometimes you have to jump through hoops to prove to your partner’s family that you are “worthy” of their approval.
Play along. Get to know them. Answer their questions. Ask them questions. People love to talk about themselves. Encourage stories about when they were all children. Be yourself. Show them how you feel about your partner. Be patient.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I have two young daughters. One is 3 years old, and the other is just 8 months old.
I invited my sister, who lives far away, to stay with us during the holiday season.
She failed to tell me before she arrived that she was battling a nasty cold. She came to stay with us anyway, and within a couple of days, both of my daughters ended up getting sick.
It was heartbreaking to see them so uncomfortable, especially my 8-month-old, who is so little and vulnerable. Her condition worsened to the point where I had to take her to the hospital. It was one of the most stressful and terrifying experiences of my life as a parent.
What upsets me the most is that this could have been avoided if my sister had been upfront about being sick.
I understand that colds happen and that it wasn’t intentional, but I feel like she should have given me the chance to make an informed decision about whether or not to postpone her visit.
How can I talk to her about this in a way that communicates how serious this was for us without damaging our relationship?
— Sick Sister
DEAR SICK SISTER: Moms have to be fierce defenders of their children. It is fine for you to speak strongly to your sister about what happened when she came to your house sick.
Remind her that both of your children became ill and that the baby had to go to the hospital. This is serious. Request that your sister refrain from visiting you when she is ill. For the sakes of all involved, it’s wiser for her to stay home and get well.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.