I insisted my husband found work, so he got revenge by cheating with men
DEAR DEIDRE: MY husband got back at me for insisting that he got a job by hooking up with men on Grindr.
I am a 28-year-old man and my husband is 31. We have been together for four years.
The first year was amazing. We met at a local bar and the next day he came over to mine and basically never left.
We have had constant issues over him cheating to the point that we finally agreed to end our marriage three years in. I was heartbroken.
He found a new partner almost instantly and moved to Canada to be with him.
He lasted six months before messaging me saying he was still upset and missed our relationship. I felt sorry for him and sent him money to bring him back to the UK.
However since he has been back he has been up to his old tricks, by constantly cheating, lying and manipulating me.
He wasn’t working and finally I insisted that he find a job.
He found work in an insurance company but I have recently discovered that he has been hooking up with guys on Grinder in his lunch break. He’s so seedy.
He did it to get back at me for insisting he got a job. He is the literal definition of a narcissist. I have tried to move past the cheating and all that comes with it but still it continues.
What do I do to either save this relationship or if not, how do I get out of it when he is completely dependent on me and has nowhere else to live.
I am too nice to simply put him out on the street, sacrificing my own happiness in the process.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: It is difficult to see how you can rescue your relationship. Your husband hasn’t once apologised for his behaviour and is unlikely to. My support pack Can’t Be Faithful? explains more.
His track record shows he hasn’t put you or your marriage first.
Whether you want to try and repair your relationship or go your separate ways, it would be useful to see a counsellor who can help you decide where your future lies.
My support pack Thinking Of Divorce will help. You’d also be wise to seek legal advice initially through Citizens Advice (www.citizensadvice.org.uk).
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