I have a 3-year-old & I don’t think kids are worth it – trolls call me a ‘bad mum’ but I want to warn other women
A mother has gone viral on TikTok sharing why she doesn’t think having children is worth it – and people are, unsurprisingly, divided.
When answering the question ‘Are children worth it’, Dominiece Regis, who has a three-year-old son, Levi, gave an initial, resounding no.
The video, which garnered 665,000 views, left some viewers outraged, calling Dominiece and her supporters “bad mothers” – but the mum-of-one says it simply isn’t that simple.
Explaining further, she presented three ‘must-haves’ she believes a woman should have prior to having children, which will make the experience “worth it”.
They include: a good partner, money, and a support system.
“I do wish I understood more of the difficulties or complexities of balancing parenthood and life beforehand,” Dominiece, an accountant living in New York City, US, told What’s The Jam.
“Here in the United States, it’s very normal for both parents, like my husband and I, to work 40 hours a week, have to drop off and pick up the children, clean the house, cook dinner, do nighttime routines, entertain and educate the children when they are home.
“Then on top of that, if you’re fortunate enough, and not many people are, be able to spend the money to nurture your relationship with your partner (i.e. date night), and do family vacations.
“And on top of that, continue to nurture yourself as a person and mother.
“It’s quite difficult and it was quite eye-opening for me – and I only have one child for now.”
Sharing her thoughts online, in the video Dominiece, who shares her son with her husband, Chad, says: “For the lady who came on the internet and asked all the mums if children are worth it, I’m going to give you a short and quick answer: no, they aren’t.”
However, she went on to clarify that while children will be the “greatest love ever known”, with every ‘high’ comes a ‘challenge’ to go along with it.
She said: “If you want to have kids and make it worth it, you need the three things.”
She then goes on to explain that a strong, supportive partnership is key and the most vital of the three, followed by a support system of family and friends nearby, and financial resources to fund parenthood.
Dominiece added: “But, if you don’t have those three things, then no the kids are not worth it.
“Do not risk your life for it, do not risk your sanity for it.
“You need a few of those things – one to three – hopefully all three, but most people don’t.”
The post garnered more than 75,000 likes and attracted thousands of comments – with many people debating their response.
One person agreed: “YOU NEED MONEY, AN AMAZING PARTNER, AND A VILLAGE.”
“I got all 3 and my answer is still NO….” another person quipped.
Someone else added: “Once they’re here, yes. If you don’t have kids, hell naw they not.” [sic]
But, not everyone was on board with the controversial statement.
One person wrote: “I’m a single mom and my child was worth it for me.”
“I’m a single mom of one, zero village and don’t have a lot of money, but motherhood have changed me in the best way. I regret NOTHING,” said another viewer.
Someone else commented: “The amount of mothers saying “No” is kinda scary.”
“It’s worth it for me. But everyone’s opinions/feelings are valid. I love the woman I’ve become as a result of being a mom. I think being a host for life is special. But that’s me,” another user wrote.
Another person added: “I hope I never reach the stage where I think my child was not worth it.”
In response to the post, Dominiece said: “This video has definitely stirred the pot for sure and it’s to be expected.
“Talking about children is a touchy topic for most people.
“However, the video has also opened the floor to be more open and honest conversation about motherhood.
“I mentioned to make children worth having you need a good, supportive partner, resources-but mainly money, and a support system.
“You don’t have to have all three, you should, but a minimum of two of the three.
“I have all three, however our main support system – grandparents – are not in the same state as us, so I can recognise what parenting looks like without an immediate village around me.
Different parenting styles explained
There are four recognised styles of parenting explained below:
Authoritarian Parenting
What some might describe as ‘regimental’ or ‘strict parenting.
Parents with this style focus on strict rules, obedience, and discipline.
Authoritarian parents take over the decision-making power, rarely giving children any input in the matter.
When it comes to rules, you believe it’s “my way or the highway.”
Permissive Parenting
Often referred to as ‘soft parenting’ or ‘yes mums/dads’.
Permissive parents are lenient, only stepping in when there’s a serious problem.
They’re quite forgiving and they adopt an attitude of “kids will be kids.”
Oftentimes they act more like friends than authoritative figures.
Authoritative Parenting
Authoritative parents provide their children with rules and boundaries, but they also give them the freedom to make decisions.
With an authoritative parenting style, parents validate their children’s feelings while also making it clear that the adults are ultimately in charge.
They use positive reinforcement techniques, like praise and reward systems, as opposed to harsh punishments.
Neglectful or Uninvolved Parenting
Essentially, neglectful parents ignore their children, who receive little guidance, nurturing, and parental attention.
They don’t set rules or expectations, and they tend to have minimal knowledge about what their children are doing.
Uninvolved parents expect children to raise themselves. They don’t devote much time or energy to meeting children’s basic needs.
Uninvolved parents may be neglectful but it’s not always intentional. A parent with mental health issues or substance abuse problems, for example, may not be able to care for a child’s physical or emotional needs consistently.
“However, I have the resources to pay someone to help.
“Motherhood or parenthood isn’t meant to be done alone nor should it be just survival parenting either.
“I’d say 85% of people and mums get it.
“The rest are triggered and don’t fully comprehend the message, and a small percentage of people think I, and any mother who agrees with me are miserable, hate our kids and are bad mothers.
“I’m truly not phased.
“I’m very secure in my motherhood journey and I know what I said to be valid.
“I’ve gotten a lot of thank you’s for my honesty and perspective.
“Some think I’m telling them that their earthside child isn’t worth it and that’s not at all what I’m saying – but, hey, I can’t teach the internet how to critically think nor increase their comprehension skills.
“The ones that get it, get it.”