‘Death cafes,’ where assisted suicide is something to ‘turn toward’
Across the globe, as more nations legalize assisted suicide and euthanasia under the guise of “death with dignity,” more suicidal people are given the tools to kill themselves. But it’s not enough for the culture of death to simply be accepted; instead, death must be celebrated.
Case in point: a Georgia newspaper reported on the emergence of “Death Cafes” as part of its “reasons to be cheerful” series. At Death Cafes, end-of-life doulas lead participants in navigating their feelings about death — including after a loved one has killed himself or herself through assisted suicide or euthanasia — but participants must “refrain from giving advice, criticizing another’s beliefs, offering unsolicited feedback, or leading people to any conclusion or course of action.”
Christina Werner told the outlet she attended a Death Cafe after witnessing the assisted suicide of a friend. “We were sad, and she will be sorely missed, but we all leave this earth, and I am happy for her in a weird way,” Werner said. “She was suffering, but she made it really comfortable for everybody. She was excited for her D-Day. It put her in control of a body that wasn’t functioning for her anymore.”
Anthea Grimason is the death doula who oversaw the Death Cafe Werner attended, and who sat with Werner’s friend as she died. She said that since assisted death was legalized in California, she has attended numerous assisted suicides.
“My journey has been untangling all of that shame, and bringing understanding,” she said. “In a strange way, this has been a gift. I can now help empower families and loved ones to be with death, to turn towards it, and to be with the hard things. There are so many gifts in that process, but society does not support it. We are a death-avoiding, death-denying culture.”
She and Werner met at the Death Cafe the same evening that Werner’s friend had been killed.
“Grief is this wild animal that is not predictable, but as humans, we like to feel control and have approaches and ways to do things, but working with death and grief is all about being in the moment, not trying to put a fixed process on anything,” Grimason said. “This is a messy human experience, and it’s hard, and as a doula, I’m gonna show up for you as best I can, but there’s no fixing it.”
It has become increasingly trendy to celebrate a loved one’s assisted suicide, with some even choosing to throw parties. And as assisted suicide advocates have admitted, this is not surprising; once assisted suicide has become legal, it becomes accepted and commonplace. Despite Grimason’s claim, we are far from being a “death-avoiding, death-denying culture.” Death is now frequently presented as the most ‘compassionate’ way for individuals to deal with disabilities or diagnoses (for themselves and, of course, their preborn children).
“I have seen no jurisdiction in which the practice has not expanded, not one single jurisdiction. By imposing really strict criteria we can slow down the expansion … but they will not prevent the expansion,” said Theo Boer, professor of health care ethics at Protestant Theological University. He explained that while he initially supported assisted suicide’s legalization, seeing the result of it changed his mind. “What I saw was not only the increase in the numbers — which for me was a sign that it was no longer the last exception, the last resort — but it became more and more a default way to die.”
[Editor’s note: This story originally was published by Live Action News.]