Harriette Cole: My friend got caught cheating on a test and is trying to blame me

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m in a difficult situation with one of my friends, and I don’t know how to handle it.

Recently, they cheated on a school exam and got caught. To my surprise, my friend is now accusing me of being involved even though I worked hard and studied diligently for the test.

I’ve always prided myself on putting in the effort, staying up late and doing everything I can to achieve good results honestly. But now, because of my friend’s actions, I’m being dragged into a situation I had no part in.

It hurts that my hard work and dedication are being questioned, and even worse, that my friend is trying to shift the blame onto me.

I’ve tried to stand my ground and make it clear that I had nothing to do with their cheating, but I’m still feeling the weight of their accusation. I’ve always valued honesty, and it’s frustrating to be linked to something that goes against everything I believe in.

— False Accusations

DEAR FALSE ACCUSATIONS: To clear your name, go to the school authorities and plead your case.

Be detailed in describing how you approached the exam. Offer to take it again or to take another exam to prove your knowledge.

Admit that the person in question is your friend, but stand fast in declaring that you did not have any knowledge of their cheating. Assure the school leadership that you had nothing to do with this, nor are you comfortable with it now.

DEAR HARRIETTE:  I’ve been married for five years, and my wife and I have two children. She stays at home now and cares for them full time.

I’ve always believed in working hard, pouring my energy into providing for my family. Every day, I push myself, juggling responsibilities and giving my all so that they have everything they need.

I’m the breadwinner, and I understand the weight that comes with that role, but there are times when it feels like none of it is truly appreciated.

It’s as if they see it as my duty, my obligation, and forget the sacrifices I make because they don’t see them directly. They think it’s just what I’m supposed to do, not realizing the toll it takes on me.

It’s hard feeling unseen, especially when you give everything and still feel like you’re not being valued for the effort.

— Unappreciated Efforts

DEAR UNAPPRECIATED EFFORTS: Chances are, your wife feels overwhelmed as well. Being a stay-at-home mom takes a tremendous amount of energy and focus.

Sounds like the two of you need to talk about responsibilities and duties and come to an understanding of what is required for your family. You both need to be able to see what the other is contributing and that all is valuable.

Tell your wife how you are feeling and let her know that sometimes you feel unsupported. Leave space for her to reflect those same feelings back to you. Agree to appreciate each other more and to take time to express your gratitude regularly.

Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.