Having a third child changed my family in ways we didn't expect

• Having a third child brought unexpected challenges and joys to our family life.
• Parenting each child requires unique approaches, as no two children are the same.
• Balancing time with a partner becomes challenging, requiring conscious effort to connect.

Becoming a parent is one of the most insane transitions in life. One day you're worrying about feeding and bathing yourself and the next your feeding and bathing responsibilities have doubled. As it goes, the more children you have, the more responsibilities you accrue. By the time my husband and I were settled in with two daughters, 2 years and 8 months apart, we felt our plates were full and our family was complete. But then the pandemic happened and we decided to have a third.

After the arrival of our third daughter, I discovered an assemblage of unexpected surprises — many of which caught me off guard, even as an experienced parent. At first it was more noise and a messier house. The washing machine literally never rests and the floors are always covered in crumbs. But then, there was more. Here are seven ways having a third child changed our lives in ways we didn't expect — some good, some a little tricky.

Experience means nothing

Even if you already have children, nothing will prepare you for the new newborn phase — especially after a five-year hiatus. I remember thinking the first few months would be like riding a bike; I would hop on the momcycle and take off without any wobbling. However, the way a newborn cries, eats, sleeps, poops, blinks will never be the same as your previous babies. Parents have to learn a whole new language of baby communication with each child. And it doesn't get easier; while newborns are a mystery, toddlers all seem to be a mystical unsolvable puzzle, too. Every child is unique, and parenting them will be unique, too.

You will be overstimulated

Have you ever tried making scrambled eggs while breastfeeding a newborn, quizzing an 8-year-old on their spelling words and watching a 10-year-old practice her ballet turns at the same time? That is what life with three is like on many days in our household.

Every child will need a new parenting style

My oldest never played in the bathroom. The second liked to throw things in the toilet. The third? Let's just say she knows exactly what toilet water tastes like.

Our youngest daughter is the most active, most curious, and the fastest child we have ever made. She doesn't subscribe to time out and she questions the majority of our rules (especially when it doesn't apply to her older sisters). Let it be known, there is no one-size-fits-all approach to parenting multiple children.

You and your partner may not see one another as much

It's all hands on deck with three kids in the house — and sometimes that means everyone is doing different things in different places. I never anticipated how little I would see my husband once our third was born. But once she was here, I finally understood how parents can say they start to feel more like roommates rather than a couple. Three children mean three different sets of appointments, extracurriculars, bathtimes, and bedtimes. To combat this, my husband and I have to make a conscious effort to schedule time to talk, let alone hang out without an offspring present.

You don't have to be the perfect mom

I really wish someone told me mom-perfection is pointless when I was pregnant the first time around. Perhaps it would have spared me the silly thought that I could try to "get it right" with my third. The truth is the best moms don't get it right. Mistakes are normal when you're a parent. If you set the bar too high with unattainable goals and expectations, you'll ultimately feel horrible every time you don't meet them. Instead of being perfect, just be regular — be loving, be funny, show your kids you're human with real feelings and admit that you sometimes make mistakes. In the end, as long as you don't give up, you'll be the best mom no matter what.

Lower your expectations, then lower them again

When I had just one or two kids, I was able to be on time for parties with a perfectly wrapped gift or warm delicious appetizer in hand. My girls were by my side, dressed in clean clothes with matching socks and a bow. Nowadays, I am lucky if I remember to change out of my slippers before I leave the house. And you know what — it's fine. You get used to things not being exactly how you used to like them and learn quickly that having low expectations is the way to live. After all, having low expectations isn't such a bad thing. Your family and friends will forgive you for being late and accept the chaos (as they're probably in a state of chaos on their own).

Your heart may feel like it's going to explode

I'm not talking from stress — I'm referring to the overwhelming sense of love, pride, and joy you will experience when you see your three children together.

I don't recall when I had the epiphany that having a third child is worth every challenge and bump in the road — but it happened. One day I looked around and knew I was right where I am supposed to be. Even though you feel three times as exhausted and three times as busy when you have your third child, you will also undoubtedly feel three times in love.