What really happens when somebody goes missing in the UK?

Jo Youle has photographs across her office. Smiling faces – some old, some young – look over as she completes her work. But these aren’t the faces of friends or family, they’re complete strangers.

Jo is the CEO of Missing People, launched in 1986 by sisters Mary Asprey and Janet Newman after the disappearance of estate agent Suzy Lamplugh. The charity has supported families of high-profile missing people such as Claudia Lawrence, Andrew Gosden and Lee Boxell in the years since. Their posters are among the ones dotted across Jo’s office.

‘Having the photos here, they’re a constant reminder of what families go through,’ she tells Metro. ‘Every time I walk up and down the corridor, the faces of these people are with me and on my mind.’

Each year in the UK, 170,000 people are reported missing; that’s one every 90 seconds. 

For six years Martha McBrier has been picking up the phone to missing people and their families who reach out for help. In a soothing Scottish accent, the helplines manager at Missing People asks each one what she can do to support them. 

Metro speaks to Martha just after 10am, by which point she’s taken a call from a distressed dad whose 15-year-old daughter has vanished and a woman who has run away from a hospital’s mental health unit.

‘Calls can be anything from people ringing to say “I want to run away” to “my son has gone missing and I don’t know what to do.”’ Martha explains. ‘Going missing has a lot of different strands to it. We deal with all those strands day to day.’

When someone vanishes, Missing People mobilise support from across the region where they were last seen. With a click of a few buttons, postmen, park wardens and day centre managers get confidential alerts with a brief description of the lost individual. The charity also runs TextSafe, in partnership with Samaritans, which sees a message sent to the phone of someone who has expressed mental health concerns.

More often than not, the missing person returns home after appeals are made.

‘Sometimes they let us know what happened,’ Martha adds. ‘People call and say “they took me to a hospital, I’m not going to run away again.” Young people will send really lovely messages, usually over text. One I remember was, “Thanks for listening to me, nobody else does” with a little “x” at the end.’

When Missing People put out search appeals, the general public can also bolster searches by sharing the charity’s posters or social posts.

After British teenager Jay Slater vanished in Tenerife this summer, conspiracy theories flooded the internet as armchair detectives made jokes about the 19-year-old. Meanwhile the family of Nicola Bulley, who disappeared while on a dog walk in Lancashire in January 2023, were forced to issue a statement to plead with the public to stop speculating about the private life of the missing mum.

‘If there’s not an answer as to why someone has gone missing, that element of mystery is always going to draw people in,’ explains Jo, back in her office.

‘Most of the time that’s to good effect as that’s often how we help to find people. We want the public to become  Digital Search Heroes and to share appeals online. But, we don’t want them to over speculate or make it personal, not when families of missing people are going through such a traumatic time.’

Most adults disappear due to mental health problems. A few choose to go missing – sometimes to escape a stressful situation at home. Ultimately – unless there is a major safe-guarding issue – that is a decision helpline staff acknowledge and respect. Missing People’s most recent campaign is centred on ‘if you’re thinking of disappearing, call us first.’ 

Jo explains: ‘In an ideal world, people wouldn’t feel like going missing is their only choice. But they do. When people disappear they’re cut off from that safety net of people they know and become vulnerable. So it’s important that we can be there to explain how things might work and how they can be supported. Most people actually come back after they’re missing, I think there’s a big misunderstanding about how many people [return home] and are reunited.’

Kirsty Hillman is the architect of many of these reunions. Nicknamed ‘the real Davina McCall’ [in reference to the TV show Long Lost Families], she works on the charity’s Lost Contact desk – reuniting relatives who simply lost contact.

‘We touch on the many different issues that lead to people going missing,’ Kirsty, who previously worked in events, tells Metro. ‘That could be addiction, homelessness or a difficult divorce. Often it’s at a point of change which causes thinking like “I can’t reach my sister to tell her mum has died” or even, “I’ve had a child and I’d love to let dad know he’s a grandad.”’

A stand-out case for Kirsty came over Christmas, when she reunited two brothers, one in London and one in Australia, who hadn’t spoken since 1987. She also points to an experience before Covid, when a son and mother separated by a divorce were brought back in contact after seven years and went on to spend lockdown together.

Kirsty just needs a name, date of birth and last known address to get the ball rolling. Once someone is found, agencies will get to work and a letter will be sent out with Missing People’s contact details. Responses can be varied.

‘Sometimes when we do find someone, they say “no, I don’t want to speak to them ever again” and I will absolutely hear that and reassure them their information is safe and they have the control,’ Kirsty explains. ‘But often there are beautiful, fantastic moments where people are so grateful for another chance to speak to the person they lost.

‘Just this Christmas, we had a man in Australia reach out because his calls to his father in England had gone unanswered for eight months. It turned out the dad had – unbeknownst to the son – been suffering with dementia. He was found on a street with no idea where he was and taken to a care home where he had no visitors. He had told staff he had a son, but they could not track him down. We managed to put them back in touch and that was beautiful.’

The personal connection the Missing People team have with the families they help is evident.

Over at Belen Pavani-Sattin’s desk, thank-you cards adorn the wall behind the call-handler’s phone. Each one is from a family member she has supported; whether it be providing a listening ear, supporting them during an inquest or preparing them for a funeral.

‘We’re not here to give opinions or to judge, we are here to listen,’ Belen, who works on frontline services, tells Metro. ‘When people come to us they are desperate. So I say, “tell me what you need. If I don’t have the answer, I will find it.” Some people might want to talk about their missing person in the past tense, others prefer the present tense. I follow their lead. We want to hold their hand without patronising them and let them know their voice will be heard.’ 

Belen, originally from Barcelona in Spain, is still touched by one moment where a foreign mum who couldn’t find her missing daughter told her ‘you are the only person listening to me.’

As well as their expert staff, Missing People relies on the contribution of volunteers. One is Sarah Allan, who supports nine families of missing people. 

‘A lot of the time at Christmas these families stay at home all day, just in case the missing person ever comes back,’ Sarah tells Metro. ‘And many don’t move house in case they return. There’s one couple I support whose son has been missing for 15 years. They’ve just had a grandchild and that grandchild means the world to them. But they’re so sad that the child’s missing uncle will never know this has happened.’

Moving forward, Missing People want to improve public awareness and unpick reasons which cause someone to vanish. A current piece of research underway investigates how people on the autistic spectrum are more likely to go missing, for example.

‘Missing is a crisis which could happen to anyone,’ says Jo, who was made CEO of Missing People in 2012. ‘But I do have a feeling of hope for the future. Whenever I stand up and talk at an event, people are interested because they genuinely do care.

‘If people donate, whether it’s £1 or £100,000, they do so because they want to help us be there for the missing and those who love them. And we can only do that with people fundraising, donating, playing People’s Postcode Lottery and leaving Gifts in Wills.’

When visitors and staff leave the Missing People office in south-west London, they pass a ‘Messages of Hope’ pinboard full of support from supporters of the charity. ‘Where there’s hope, there’s love, so never give up,’ reads one of the messages. ‘I hope this letter gives you comfort and helps you get through another day,’ says another.

There’s also a large ‘family tree’ in the office with branches stretching across the wall. Families of missing people write on a leaf and leave it in memory of a loved one. There are messages left by the parents of Quentin Godwin; a 19-year-old who vanished in New Zealand; Katrice Lee, a British toddler missing since 1981, and Kevin Mills, a 24-year-old who walked out his family’s home in Peterborough and never returned, to name a few.

Each unsolved disappearance is embedded in the memory of Kate Graham, head of communications at Missing People. She has co-ordinated Metro’s visit to the charity’s offices.

‘I am the mother of two girls, now 27 and 24,’ she tells Metro before we leave. ‘This role has definitely shaped the way I’ve parented them; it’s difficult to work around this subject and not let it interfere with what you do. I have to stop myself from over parenting, even now because I’m so much more aware of all the terrible things that can happen. 

‘But at the same time, I work with such amazing people. It’s a very supportive atmosphere here, everyone is in it for the right reason and genuinely wants to make a difference. 

‘Humanity can be a dark place but there’s a huge amount of good in the world which I’m reminded of every single day.’

Do you have a story you’d like to share? Get in touch by emailing Kirsten.Robertson@metro.co.uk 

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