Elite Commando Sick Of Unseen Assailants Darting Through Fog To Quietly Dispatch Team One By One
LOCATION CLASSIFIED—Grumbling “Not this shit again” as a shadowy figure zipped around at the edges of his vision, elite commando Maj. Teddy “Sandman” Hawthorne confirmed Friday that he was sick of unseen assailants darting through the fog to quietly dispatch his team one by one. “Man, it really ticks me off when I deploy for a classified mission in low-visibility conditions only for a mysterious foe to play cat and mouse picking off my squad of hardened operators,” Hawthorne said as a stifled shout went up from somewhere behind him, with bystanders reporting that the commando then rolled his eyes in visible annoyance after discovering his radioman slumped against a tree stump with his neck snapped. “I bust my ass putting together a crack team of the very best soldiers only for some wraithlike adversary to leap down from an overhanging branch and execute a silent takedown before receding into the shadows to strike again. It pushes my buttons every time. Wildly firing my machine gun into the mist makes me feel a little better, but it never actually stops the bastards. They just breeze right past me and stealthily slit another guy’s throat. Dammit, I took this job to be the hunter, not the hunted. It’s a huge pet peeve of mine to be the hunted!” At press time, Hawthorne was reportedly preparing to give the assailant a piece of his mind after a rope snare left him dangling helplessly by one ankle.
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