The Traitors Recap: Fresh Meat
When the season premiere ended, we were teased with the entry of two new mystery players into the game. Thanks to Peacock dropping the first three episodes simultaneously, we didn’t have to wait long to find out who they were. Wes Bergmann and Derrick Levasseur, from The Challenge and Big Brother, respectively, will join the game as Faithfuls. I do not know who these people are, so to paraphrase Keke Palmer, “Sorry to these men.”
Meanwhile, our Traitors are huddled, trying to decide who to murder. Four out of their six potential targets are Housewives, so it’s no surprise that that’s where their focus lands, but a debate emerges that signals this motley crew might not be on the same page. Carolyn says this is the type of game you must play one step at a time, whereas Danielle insists you have to be 20 steps ahead. Bob’s just enjoying the show. Ultimately, they say their decision is either Dorinda, Dolores, or Robyn, which, quite frankly, is my worst nightmare.
Three things caught my attention at breakfast. First, Ciara Miller stole Parvati’s iconic headband look from last season. On the one hand, I feel like Parvati owns headbands, and they should be retired like jersey numbers. On the other hand, it’s a tasteful homage. Second, I’ll give credit where credit is due: Tom Sandoval made me laugh after someone pounded on the door with what sounded like a battering ram and said, “It’s Dorinda.” And third, Bob the Drag Queen’s fake shocked face upon entering the room. He was playing to the back row and it looked crazy. What was he shocked to see? He theoretically wouldn’t have even been seeing who’d been murdered yet. I love the chaos and brilliant comedic performance all around. But then came the bad news.
When Dolores and Robyn were the ones to walk into that room, I screamed a guttural, involuntary scream. My neighbors might have even called the police. That’s how rocked to my core and disturbed I was to discover that Dorinda was the first one killed off this season — or, as she might call it, put on pause. The only person I feel more sorry for than Dorinda is us because we’ve been robbed of seeing her absolutely feral at a roundtable meeting.
We flashback to the decision being made, with Carolyn correctly campaigning to keep her because she is a loud, showy person to take the focus off of them, but she ultimately gives in. “I tried to make it nice,” Dorinda says in her confessional upon receiving her death sentence. Her final words.
Alan Cumming arrives dressed like Cher Horowitz, in strong juxtaposition with Tom Sandoval’s pit-stained T-shirt, to announce her passing. Dolores mourns for us all, “We lost a good one,” she says before picking up Dorinda’s portrait that Cumming threw to the ground, per tradition. This loss very well may have radicalized Dolores, which is something I desperately hope to see.
So, with their first kill under their belts, how are our Traitors doing? Not well, bitch. From their very first meeting there’s already turmoil and discord. Danielle is snapping at Carolyn, who, while correct, is having trouble communicating effectively. Then you have Bob and Danielle CRYING at the breakfast table over Dorinda, which is so extra that even Carolyn thinks they have to chill out. The choice they made to kill Dorinda was meant to plant the seeds of two potential theories: A fellow Housewife is a Traitor and went after Dorinda thinking nobody would suspect Housewife-on-Housewife crime, or that it was Lord Ivan after Dorinda went after him yesterday. But our Traitors should have let everybody come to those conclusions themselves — instead, we see Danielle start breaking it down for everybody. If you have to spoon-feed them, it isn’t an effective move. It’s like explaining a joke when the joke should have just worked on its own.
It’s in the aftermath of this first murder where we see Robyn Dixon come alive. Now, if you’re not a The Real Housewives of Potomac fan and are meeting Robyn for the first time, welcome, and please allow me to give you a little introduction. Robyn is a very polarizing Housewife. Many think Robyn is a terrible, boring Housewife, hence her recent firing. On the other hand, she is Christina Applegate’s favorite Housewife. I personally find Robyn endlessly fascinating because of how uninterested she is in seeming interesting; she’s just there. She might sleep through a few scenes or miss her flight for a cast trip she’s hosting, but when she comes alive, she comes alive — like when she brought a portable speaker to dinner to expose another Housewife for shit-talking on Instagram Live. That’s the Robyn we’re getting this week, who, against all odds, has become engaged in the game happening around her — and gets into an argument with Wells over whether killing Dorinda was a smart move or a dumb move. More on that at the roundtable.
At their challenge, our players are finally clued in on the arrivals of Boston Rob, Wes, and Derrick, who they meet suspended in cages in the woods — and practically nobody is excited to see these legendary game players join the competition. But the good news is they can help them win a shield. In the challenge, the players must collect gold coins that they then deposit to help lower a player; if they’re lowered all the way, they can gift the shield to anybody they’d like. Since all three newbies were successfully lowered in the allotted time, all three shields are up for grabs.
When they return to the mansion, Tom Sandoval gives the newbies a tour like an excited child showing off all his toys during a playdate. Meanwhile, Robyn couldn’t be bothered and says, “I’m not a kiss ass.” Robyn would rather die than give a house tour for a shield, and I respect it. And speaking of Sandoval being embarrassing, as everybody whispers names to one another in the lead-up to the roundtable, we get a great scene of Tom confidently stating that Carolyn and Bob the Drag Queen are obviously Faithful. I’ve watched this man be dumb on television for over a decade, and it never gets old.
Finally, it’s time for our first roundtable of the season. As newbies, Rob, Derrick, and Wes can’t vote but are there to observe. The discussion begins with Bob the Drag Queen throwing out Wells’s name on account of his odd behavior.
Meanwhile Tom is still hung up on how people were acting right after Alan’s shoulder tapping, saying Chrishell and Jeremy seemed suspect. Chrishell, being the diva she is, wastes no time in bringing up Ariana and accusing that friendship of influencing Tom against her, adding that she felt uncomfortable when the masks came off. “We take our [mask] off; you were giving me the Spock eyebrow with the spotlight on your face. I was uncomfortable, you make me uncomfortable.” She wisely says a Traitor’s job is to create chaos, and that’s exactly what Tom’s been doing by throwing out all these names with reckless abandon. When she ultimately votes for him, she gets in a phenomenal dig, saying, “The Traitors have to be able to lie, and cheat, and deceive easily, and since I know you possess all of those skills …”
Meanwhile, Dolores and Ciara suspect Lord Ivar killed Dorinda as retaliation on account of their spat just before her death, but Danielle maintains that she thinks it was a Housewife. She argues that a Traitor would take out someone close to them to deflect, which is a good argument, but it just looks sweaty seeing her have to do so much manual labor to get her move to work. She throws out Robyn’s name, which gives Wells a chance to bring up their exchange earlier. He thinks it was suspicious that she was defending the Traitors’ move, whereas Robyn thinks it’s suspicious that Wells was calling it dumb. In this debate, Robyn is right. A Traitor wouldn’t be publicaly lauding themselves like Wells thinks Robyn was doing, a Traitor would want to act confused or critique the move to distance themselves from it, like Wells was doing.
Ultimately, as votes are cast, Robyn, Ivar, and Wells all end up with four votes each. And Carolyn has the final vote. My heart is racing like I just downed a Panera Lemonade. She finally casts her vote for Wells, and I take a sigh of relief. Robyn Dixon isn’t leaving us just yet. Now, this is important to note — while watching this show, some people root for the Traitors, some root for the Faithfuls. As for me, my loyalty lies solely with the personalities who entertain me the most.
After the vote, we finally find out who’s getting these shields from the challenge. Rob gives his to fellow Survivor player Tony, who says he’s now “embedded to him,” Derrick gives his to Dylan Efron, and Wes gives his to Jeremy. Boring! The Traitors thrives on having a healthy balance of competition-based stars and personality-based stars, and while it’s a fine line to walk, I fear we’re leaning too heavily on game players so far, and I worry they’ll monopolize this game.
It’s a concern that even the Traitors themselves clock during their little conclave, with Bob flagging that these newbies seem to be coming in ready to take over. Worst of all, he thinks they have their eyes on him. If only they had one on their side. Right on queue, there’s a knock at the door, and in comes our newest Traitor, Boston Rob. This is exactly what our Traitors needed: another person to argue with.