The Traitors Recap: Miss Guided
Our Traitors were only just beginning to acclimate to one another, so it’s only natural that they’re a bit weary of this new addition of Boston Rob to their ranks. But Danielle correctly figures that it’s much better to have him with them than against them; plus, thanks to Rob, they get some insight into which players have the shields. Nevertheless, they’re still a mess.
Every idea thrown out gets strong pushback, and they struggle to decide whether their move will be choosing chaos or having a unified front. Ultimately, the decision comes down to killing Ayan or Dolores to confuse everybody with another Housewife pick or killing Tom to frame Chrishell. Bravolebrities haven’t been in this much danger since Bravo realized they could reboot franchises.
When the last group of players saunters into breakfast, we find out that Chanel Ayan is the latest victim. “It’s Housewife Hunters, it’s no more Traitors,” an annoyed Dolores says before once again picking up the portrait Alan tossed to the ground. Speaking of Alan, he arrived at breakfast wearing gold shoes, sequined pants, a leather shirt, and a turban to bid adieu to our “Real Housewife of Dubai-bye.” Dorinda may be dead but at least her outfits aren’t going to waste.
Flashing back to the Traitors’s conclave, we see Bob say something very insightful. “If we can figure it out, they can figure it out. But if it’s just madness, they’re just running around scared.” So, their decision to kill Ayan was in the pursuit of chaos.
While I do think Bob’s thesis about chaos is correct, thus making the murder of Ayan a smart move, our Traitors are still in disarray. Danielle is far too talkative at breakfast, which Rob instantly clocks as dangerous since she’s drawing so much attention. Meanwhile, Carolyn already feels like she’s isolated, calling herself a misfit to whom nobody listens. “I’m always that turd on the wall, but this turd will get to the end,” she says. Embroider it on a pillow. To add insult to injury, when she tries to confide in Nikki, Gabby, and Bob Harper — she immediately overhears them calling her a hot mess (they actually said bag of nuts). But the good thing is they don’t think that bag of nuts is a Traitor.
However, someone who is at risk of being found out is Bob the Drag Queen. Sidebar: I think it’s so funny that production cast TWO Bobs this season, thus forcing both the cast and me to say “Bob the Drag Queen” in full, over and over. Anyway, Dylan Efron holds court and points out to everybody that Wells was banished after his name was floated by Bob and Robyn, suggesting that those two are the ones to watch.
Was it a smart move to bring this up with such a large group, particularly one that included Rob, Bob’s fellow Traitor? Probably not. But let’s move on to more literal clownery: this week’s mission. Our players are tasked with escorting a balloon through a creepy funhouse, choosing one door out of four to advance further, where there are four more doors, and so on. If they enter the wrong door, a clown jumps out and pops their balloon.
I’m not even going to waste time talking about this challenge because they’re all so bad at it that all of their balloons are popped before anybody makes it through to add money to the pot or win any shields, making the whole mission a bust. The only particularly notable development to occur is that, once again, much like with the boats, there was drama surrounding who would take one for the team by going first. This conversation is a Catch-22 because if you don’t volunteer, you’re accused of being selfish, and if you do, they then accuse you of being comfortable and thus a Traitor. In any case, Bob Harper strongarms Tony into volunteering first, which he’s not happy about.
Away from the funhouse and back to the fun castle, the players continue to discuss potential Traitors, and they’re finally starting to get somewhere. Jeremy is very suspicious of Danielle, and upon hearing that, Bob runs to tell her right away. On top of that, Jeremy tells Bob that Dylan has been floating his name, and he’s instantly ready to attack. In better news for our Traitors, Chrishell, Gabby, and Nikki — who named their doe-eyed alliance “The Bambis” — are suspicious of Tony.
As the roundtable begins, Dylan starts by articulately and calmly laying out his thinking: that they have to look to Bob the Drag Queen and Robyn because they were the ones to first float Wells’ name. Bob becomes far too defensive, far too quickly. Meanwhile, Robyn calmly brushes off his argument altogether.
But then Bob comes through with a stronger argument for Dylan — challenging Dylan to give a reason why he would have killed Ayan. “If one person can make a puzzle, someone else can figure it out. So solve the puzzle,” he tells Dylan, and since Bob’s giving him an impossible task, it masterfully discredits him. Nevertheless, Dylan still pushes. “I don’t even think you’re a Traitor, but you are misguided,” Bob tells him. “That should be your drag name; welcome to the stage, Miss Guided.” This show should add extra money to the pot for each brilliant one-liner delivered at a roundtable.
The conversation then turns to Tony, with Gabby asking him why he was throwing out Chrishell and Bob Harper’s names. That quickly turns into what seems to be an “I think you’re a Traitor because you think I’m a Traitor” situation between Tony and Bob. Robyn then piles on by saying she thinks Alan would choose him because he knows he’d make a good Traitor. The cherry on top comes when Boston Rob says it is suspicious that Tony hasn’t had any conversations with him all day despite giving him his shield.
So, in a landslide, Tony is exiled. This is interesting because I feel he had the least amount of concrete evidence working against him out of any name floated at the table — it was largely just vibes. But I do think this is a good example of how someone’s reputation precedes them and influences this game heavily. After Tony tearfully reveals himself to be a Faithful, he dramatically points to Rob, saying, “You’re a sellout, bro.” Beautiful television.
After the meeting, we see Dylan and Bob come to a truce, laughing about the dramatic back and forth. Dylan seems to suggest that his thinking is already changing, but in his confessional, he tells us that he’s still just as certain that Bob is a Traitor but can’t continue pushing that cause until he’s got real ammunition. Having a silent threat lurking about and collecting evidence spells bad news for Bob, but since their spat was so public, it wouldn’t be a good look to take Dylan out just yet.
Instead of the Traitors’ usual meeting in their turret, they’re told that they must choose three players to shortlist for murder. They have to decide on these names and write them on a scroll in the wine cellar, all in plain sight, without getting caught. Those three will then be laid out in coffins, where the group will then choose one to kill. Bob, Rob, and Danielle are all able to slip away to the cellar to debrief, but naturally, our resident misfit Carolyn gets left behind, and since they’re allowed to write down one of their own names, they consider her. When she finally finds her fellow Traitors in the cellar, a frenzied Danielle asks her if she’d be willing to take one of the coffin spots. The look Carolyn gives her, paired with her saying, “Girl,” made me scream-laugh. They throw away that plan, but that really hammers home Carolyn’s place on the outskirts of this group.
As all of this plays out, it seems like the rest of the players begin to sense that something’s going on. The Traitors were not so subtly traversing the castle to find each other. Robyn seemed to be close by when they finally slipped into the cellar, and now, as they tried to exit, Gabby seemed to be lurking just outside the door. But we’ll have to wait and see whether or not she saw them all exit together, which very well could be their nail in the coffin.