Trump is Far Too Timid in His Imperial Aspirations

Much is being made of Donald Trump’s threats to use US power — its military, or its mighty import demand and trade deficit — to take over the Panama Canal, the entire country of Canada, and the world’s largest island, Greenland, as well as renaming the Gulf of Mexico the Gulf of America.

But why so timid about his imperial designs, particularly as many South American and Caribbean nations will certainly strenuously object to the name change— especially Mexico?

Renaming bodies of water is easy, so why mess with a little puddle like the Gulf of Mexico? Why not re-designate the Pacific, the world’s largest ocean, as the American Ocean? After all, US military and diplomatic leaders have as long ago as 1943 (when the inevitability of a huge US victory over Japan was clearly recognized and an enduring US monopoly on nuclear weapons was being optimistically contemplated) was already being referred to as becoming an “American lake”? Washington could allow China to keep the name China Sea and Japan to hang onto the Sea of Japan, but the US could claim the name for the vast stretch of salt water lying between Asia and the Americas and between the Aleutian Islands and the Antarctic Ocean, right? 

Who’s gonna fuss? Mapmakers would love the idea, as everyone would have to buy new maps and globes.

As for making Canada the 51st state, whether by military takeover or extortionate tariffs placed on Canadian exports to the US, why is Trump being so timid and short-sighted? Sure Canada’s population of 39.9 million is only a smidgen greater than California’s 38.9 million, but if Canada was absorbed into the US as just one state, the most Trump could expect from presumably grateful Canadians would be two additional Republican senators and a huge number of additional representatives of various parties and ideologies who already squabble with each other in the Canadian national parliament and would continue to do so in the US Congress. Why not bring Canada into the US with each of its 10 provinces as separate US states? 

Quibbles about the difficulty of flag redesigners having to create a square blue field for 51 or 60 or stars could be resolved by making each of Canada’s three territories— the Northwest, Yukon and Nunvut — into states. That would produce a nice rectangle for displaying nine rows of seven or seven rows of nine white stars (maybe on reflection, this all being Trump’s idea, the stars should be changed from white to gold, eh?).

Assuming as Donald does that Canadians will be overjoyed at becoming US citizens, giving up their socialized medicine for the freedom to go to over-priced doctors of their own choosing, to pay exorbitant prices for medicines and to battle insurance reviewers for coverage as well as to buy as many military-style assault rifles and large-clip pistols as they desire, this could give him a super majority in the new enlarged Senate with 26 new senators— enough to ensure approval of a new Amendment to the Constitution that would allow him to win a third term or even a fourth like Franklin D. Roosevelt — until today America’s most popular president ever.

I’m wondering though why Trump isn’t talking about annexing Mexico and Venezuela and the seven nations of Central America too. After all, if the reason for taking over Greenland and making it a US territory (why not a state?), is the “strategic need” to gain control over and protect its presumed mineral wealth, what about the current vulnerability of Venezuela’s oil? It has after all the largest crude oil reserves in the world.

And as for Mexico and Central America, since these countries and Venezuela account for most of the undocumented aliens slipping across the US southern border, and since Trump will have a tough time actually shutting that immigration down as he has vowed to do, he can solve the problem by just erasing that border and incorporating those countries into a much greater US of A. Illegal border crossings would become a thing of the past if the border were simply erased.

That would mean no more ugly wall would not need to be constructed and in fact existing wall could be removed, which would relieve environmentalists worried about the wall’s threat to migratory Jaguars and other creatures of the desert.

Plus, speaking of name changes, the current appellation United States of America has always a bit of an exaggeration and misnomer, given the existence of the vast continent of South America. This problem, which has led to a lot of grumbles from South Americans, could be solved by changing USA to USNA: the United States of North America (or maybe the USNA & V).

And, of course, the need to get in a big argument with the Panamanian government over ownership of the Panama Canal could be totally avoided since Panama, including the Canal, would become another state of the Union, and the state of Panama could claim it, much as New York claims Statue of Liberty Island, allowing it’s Revenue Department to receive all the tax on the sale of souvenirs and snacks from the Liberty Park concessions.

As I write this, I find myself wondering why the president-elect and his imperial brain trust of brilliant strategic thinkers isn’t thinking bigger. After all, what about the Moon? If the late Jimmy Carter can be criticized by Trump for his ‘“BIG MISTAKE” of giving away the Canal to Panama for $1, what do we call President Richard Nixon’s failure to claim the Moon for the US when two US astronauts landed on it on July 20, 1969 and planted their feet and the American flag there, where it still stands proudly not waving in the airless vacuum of the Mare Tranquillitatis.

There’s still time to assert ownership of the entire Moon, based on that first landing, following in the venerable tradition of explorers from Europe who claimed vast tracts of the Americas, of Africa and of Asia just by setting foot on a tiny beachhead of each place, or sticking a flag in the sand. And those territories were all already occupied by indigenous peoples. The Moon doesn’t even have any local denizens or even alien life forms to dispute ownership.

There’s still time for Donald Trump to certify that epic mistake by Nixon by claiming the Moon before it starts to be landed on and perhaps claimed by Chinese, European or perhaps even Russian space travelers . 

Why isn’t Trump acting?

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