I'm the COO at a Hollywood law firm. I had to change my communication style at home when I realized it negatively impacted my family.

• Shayla Smith is the COO of a Hollywood law firm, where curt corporate speak is normal.
• She realized she needed to take a more nuanced approach to communication at home.
• Her experience in retail helped her refine her communication techniques, she says.

This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Shayla Smith, Chief Operating Officer of Lichter Grossman Nichols Feldman Rogal Shikora & Clark, Inc. It has been edited for length and clarity.

I've always had a firm but fair communication style. I don't tone myself down: I am who I am because everyone else is taken. That's served me well professionally. While I started my career in retail at Target, I quickly stepped into C-suite operational roles, first in wealth management and later in law firms.

At work, I'm goal-oriented. Whether I'm recruiting new talent, helping a customer have the best experience possible, or working with one of the many managing partners at my firm, I operate with confidence and command. That's helped me get far in my career.

And yet, recently, I realized it was holding me back at home. It took a comment from my husband to help me realize that I needed to establish a clear separation between the role of a leader in the workplace and a leader at home. I was accustomed to providing directives all day at work, so I found it natural to adopt the same approach at home. Unfortunately, that often struck my husband and sons, who are 9 and 7, the wrong way.

Now, I focus on delivery, not just content

Professionally, I'm focused on the outcome. I can be curt, and I say something once and expect the team to act on it. After my husband pointed out that I was using corporate speak and delivery with him, I adjusted my communication at home. I started considering not only what I wanted to convey but how I wanted to convey it.

I stay true to myself but tone it down

I'm always going to have a strong communication style. Luckily, my husband is super even-keeled and well-balanced. I've started to think about toning down my sharp communication. I imagine it like a light switch: at work, I can let my bulb shine with full power, but at home, on relaxed evenings, sometimes it's nice to hit that dimmer switch and lower the intensity just a bit.

I'm intentional with my words

My husband is a first responder with a hectic overnight schedule, while I have an equally busy schedule in the corporate world. Sometimes, our communication has to be clipped and to the point because we're so busy.

Even at those times, I'm careful with the words that I use. Saying "I would like it if…" or "It would be nice if…" helps my husband know I come from a place of care and understanding, even when I'm being direct. In turn, that helps him better receive what I need to say, so we both win.

We create a relaxing environment at home

Since we both have such demanding jobs, we intentionally create a calm, relaxing environment at home that's markedly different from the chaos of the world outside. Physically, we create a very different environment, working together to pick soothing wall colors and decor. We might talk about work in the car, but we try not to discuss it at home because we want to protect our space.

There are some corporate communication lessons I want the boys to know

While I've changed my communication style with my family, there are aspects of corporate communication I want my sons to know. I'm always reminding them to speak loudly and clearly, looking the person they're speaking with in the eye and speaking with conviction. They know I'll only say things once, and I expect them to pay attention.

Ultimately, I hope they understand that people might not remember what you said, but they'll remember how you made them feel. I learned that working Black Fridays at Target when I was juggling angry guests, overwhelmed workers, and lots of small crises. Although a Hollywood law firm might seem different from that, customer service and great communication are critical across the board — whether with family, colleagues, or clients.