Millennials are turning into their boomer parents

Baby boomers, they're just like us. Or, rather, we're just like them. And by "we," I mean millennials. The inevitable march of time often means turning into your parents, no matter how much you swore you wouldn't. Millennials (and, to be fair, many Gen Xers) are no exception — now that the electricity bill is on you, you get why your dad was always admonishing you to turn the lights off.

Millennials — people born from 1981 to 1996 — have long had a "forever young" air to them. Obviously, they're not going to be young forever, and plenty of them are pushing 40 or already there, but the generation has been marked by a sense of arrested development. The stereotypical millennial is a 33-year-old still living in his parent's basement, lamenting he'll be a forever renter with no hope of retiring.

But the reality of many millennials is starting to more closely mirror their parents'. They're catching up on earnings and wealth, and while they're still behind on homeownership, they're not screwed. It may have taken them awhile to settle down, but they're getting around to it and heading to the suburbs. In short, millennials are looking increasingly boomer-esque, and in some areas, they're doing better than their parents.

Since his father died in 2022, William has spent a lot of time reflecting on how much he's turned into his old man. He followed his career path and became a lawyer. At 31, he's married, like his dad was when he was his age. He doesn't own a home yet, but he plans to buy a place someday soon in his hometown of Philadelphia. And while he's catching up to his dad in many ways, William, who asked for his last name to be withheld to protect his privacy, recognizes he's surpassed him in other areas. For one thing, he's more financially literate than his parents were, thanks to the "whole democratization of finance thing," he said. Not that he's doing anything weird on the stock market, but he knows how to buy an exchange-traded fund. Qualitatively, he's noticed similarities, too, in how he talks, his sense of humor, and how he sees the world.

"You realize that they are much more in you than you were maybe comfortable with, and you see some of the same strengths and flaws that your parents had," he said. "Everyone wants to be their own person, but statistically, I'm doing a version of the same job as both of my parents. It's like the apple doesn't fall far from the tree, to be cliché."

Plenty of millennial apples are looking pretty treelike nowadays. While many weren't dealt the best hand at the start of their independent economic lives, they've done quite a bit of catching up.

The median weekly earnings of full-time workers ages 25 to 34 were $1,045 ($54,340 annually) in 2023, according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, up 4% from $1,004 in 1979 ($52,208), adjusted for inflation. For the 35-to-44 crowd, wages are up by 13%, to $1,250 ($65,000) from $1,102 ($57,304).

The oldest baby boomers reached 30 in 1976, while the youngest reached that mark in 1994. They hit 40 between 1986 and 2004. Elder millennials hit 30 in 2001, and the last batch will get there in 2026. Their 40th birthdays started coming in 2021 and will stop in 2036.

Wealthwise, millennials are also doing decently, if not even better than their parents. The Survey of Consumer Finances found that people ages 35 to 44 had a median net worth of $130,380 in 1989, adjusted for inflation. In 2022, that number was slightly higher, at $135,300. Those under 35 are doing better, too, with a net worth of $39,040 in 2022, compared with $18,740 in 1989.

Like William, other millennials are more invested in the stock market than their parents. This may be in part out of necessity — the shift from pensions to 401(k)s means retirement saving requires them to play the markets on their own. The Survey of Consumer Finances found that 63.6% of Americans ages 35 to 44 had stock holdings in 2022, compared with 39.2% in 1989. That number jumped to 54.4% from 22.7% for those under 35.

Even beyond the more passive investing of 401(k)s, 20.6% of people ages 35 to 44 invested in stocks directly as of 2022, compared with 16.5% in 1989. Direct stock ownership for people under 35 hit a record 23.1% in the latest reading, well above the 10.9% of young people who owned shares in 1989. This data seems to back up the sense among some millennials that investing was one area where their parents fell short.

That's the case for Faith Bergman, a 28-year-old who works in fintech and lives in New York. She's got plenty of similarities with her mother — she uses some of the same phrases (they're both particularly fond of "six in one, half a dozen in the other"), is overly enthusiastic about keeping her apartment clean, and attributes some of her outgoing personality traits to her upbringing. But she and her sister are more focused on investing and their financial well-being in the long term than their mom was.

"Investing, especially investing as a woman, has not always been a common theme or practice," Bergman said. "I think it's more of just a lack of awareness."

Rob Williams, a managing director of financial planning at Charles Schwab, said millennials have more access to information and ways to invest than their baby boomer counterparts. A recent survey from Schwab found that millennials started investing at 25 on average, compared with 35 for boomers. (Gen Z is getting into the game even sooner, at 19.) Despite the head start, millennials still bear the scars of their early years. They're slightly less confident than baby boomers in their investing strategies, and they're less assured about reaching their financial goals compared with older generations.

Sure, millennials may have built up a decent nest egg for themselves, but if there's one trope that defines the avocado-toast generation, it's that they will never, ever own a home. It's certainly true that the 2008 crash and the pandemic-era frenzy put many members of the generation behind the eight ball: The homeownership rate for people under 35 is lower for millennials than it was for boomers and Gen Xers at the same age, noted Jessica Lautz, the deputy chief economist and vice president of research at the National Association of Realtors, citing Census Bureau data. But the situation is also more complicated. The tough early road put millennials behind baby boomers in terms of homeownership, but some are getting to where they want to be. Millennials aren't so much nonmovers as they are slow movers.

As of 2022, over half of millennials were homeowners. Daryl Fairweather, the chief economist at Redfin, told me millennials are pretty close to where Gen X was at their age, and they're closing the gap with boomers, too, even if they're still behind by five to 10 years.

"The baby boomer homeownership rate started to plateau when baby boomers reached the age of late 40s, early 50s. So I think that by the time the oldest millennials are in their late 40s, early 50s, that's probably when they're going to be much closer to baby boomers," Fairweather said. Boomers have been slow to downsize and give up their homes, but that will shift, too, she added, meaning more inventory on the market for younger generations.

It's not necessarily a question of no buying — it's a question of postponed buying. The median age of first-time homebuyers has reached a record high of 38 years old, the NAR says. Back in the '80s, people were buying their first homes in their late 20s. Millennials aren't locked out of the housing market forever; they're just not getting there until middle age.

I know what you might be thinking, or, at least, what I was thinking while going through a lot of this data: Not all millennials are floating through life hunky-dory, on track to catch up with their parents. As with many things in American society, the experiences of millennials are profoundly unequal, said Rob Gruijters, a sociologist at the University of Bristol who has studied the wealth gap among US millennials. Looking at medians and averages can paper over significant divisions within the generation. While wealthy millennials are doing better than their boomer parents, poorer millennials are doing worse.

"There's huge variation in wealth within generations, far more than there is between generations," he said. "Overall distribution of wealth has become more unequal within generations and also across the board."

Much like our quirks and go-to phrases, a lot of the disparity between millennials is influenced by how our boomer parents did, wealth- and incomewise. There's a high correlation between your wealth and occupation and those of your parents, Gruijters said, and in the case of wealth, it's often a matter of direct transmission in the forms of gifts and inheritance. "If your parents are wealthy, he said, "then you're also quite likely to be wealthy." Aging into your parents may be good, in that Mom and Dad have a house and inheritance to pass on to you, or bad, in that they basically tell you, "You're on your own, good luck."

On housing, Redfin's Fairweather told me that where your parents live and who they are have a big effect on millennials' experiences. Housing prices in coastal cities are a lot higher than they are in the middle of the country, thanks to differences in land costs, population density, and availability. So millennials attempting to keep up with their parents who tried their hands in larger urban areas may have a harder time keeping pace. If you're a 30-something making $150,000 a year, buying a home in San Francisco probably feels a lot more out of reach than it does in, say, Janesville, Wisconsin.

"There is a big trade-off millennials have to face," Fairweather said. "Can they really make it in the city or go somewhere more affordable and not have that city lifestyle?"

In other words, it may not be that all the millennials headed to the suburbs want to be there, but in some cases, they feel like they have no choice but to exit urban centers and swallow a longer commute in the process.

"The plurality are moving to the suburbs, but that's where the housing stock is," Lautz said. Some of it has to do with having school-age kids, for example, but a lot has to do with affordability and availability.

Redfin says Black millennials are half as likely to own a home as white millennials, which tracks with the experience of their boomer parents. But while the older generation has since caught up somewhat, it's not clear whether millennials will make the same (still short) strides. It's a case of one generation's wealth seeding the next generation in a country where a significant racial wealth gap exists.

"With homeownership becoming so unaffordable, it's widening that inequality gap by race and, obviously, by wealth as well," Fairweather said.

People buying their first homes have "substantially higher" incomes nowadays than in the past, Lautz said. "We also know that they're more likely to use stocks, they're more likely to use 401(k)s or cryptocurrency for their down payments," she said. "So that would indicate not only a higher income but a wealthier first-time homebuyer who can get into the market."

There are a lot of awkward parts to aging. You lose your cool factor. Your body starts to show more wear and tear. You realize the adult in the room is supposed to be you. It also means you start to think about your parents differently — what they achieved, what they didn't, what they were right (and wrong) about all along.

It can be uncomfortable to admit that you see more of your parents in yourself than you'd like. As much as millennials were supposed to be minimalists, they're loading up on stuff just as much as their stuff-loving predecessors. Politically, just like generations past, many are moving to the right as they age. They may have been reluctant to get married and have kids, but they're still hitting those milestones eventually.

Victoria Lamson, a 37-year-old who works in public relations and lives in San Francisco, acknowledges she was set up for success, generationally — her parents own a business, and they've instilled in her a lot of their traditional values around getting married and buying a home. Like many millennials, she wants to parent her children differently. She and her husband are also trying to travel more now instead of saving all their money for when they retire. Still, she knows her lifestyle isn't really a departure. When her children ask questions, she tries not to give the "because I said so" her parents gave her, but sometimes, she just can't stop herself. "There are definitely the moments that I have said that," she said.

While a lot of millennials may be turning into their boomer parents — just look at those Progressive commercials about it — it is, perhaps, hitting different. In modern history, younger generations have outdone their predecessors, the proverbial idea that you'd end up better off than your parents. But if they bought a home young, went to college, and had solid careers, it's hard to outdo that. Even matching it may feel like falling short.

Millennials are also weighed down by a pervasive sense of precarity. They remember 9/11, and they saw the economic bottom fall out during the Great Recession. They're also facing an uncertain future for government programs such as Social Security and Medicare, and the real winners in the economy are increasingly concentrated at the top.

"Even if they were in some ways keeping up with where they should have been had nothing changed in the economy, the massive fiscal gap that the country's facing is going to land on their heads as they reach retirement," Laurence Kotlikoff, a professor of economics at Boston University, said.

Maybe it will get figured out. Maybe it won't. Millennials' experience tells them to have some concerns.

The good news for millennials, on average, is that they are generally turning out OK, despite the headlines a decade ago proclaiming that lattes would doom them to eternal squalor. The bad news is that OK does not always feel great, especially in a culture where the expectation is you're constantly striving to do more and better.

For many people, there is something at least a bit charming in recognizing their parents in themselves. Millennials' kids are now rolling their eyes when songs from the 2000s come on in the car, just as millennials did when the boomers played their '70s hits. They understand why Mom was always turning the heat down, or why Dad insisted it was very important they know how to change a tire. As much as they complain about boomers being hoarders, they're now staring down their own stack of two-decade-old high school yearbooks.

Millennials aren't the lost generation after all. They're boomers 2.0, with a side of avocado toast.

Emily Stewart is a senior correspondent at Business Insider, writing about business and the economy.