Asking Eric: HR wants disciplinary action, but there’s a reason my employee is like this
Dear Eric: I hired Stacey a couple years ago. She’s got lots of great skills but struggles with being on time and staying focused.
Despite this, I gave her an opportunity to take on more responsibility through a promotion.
She was very excited about it, but even after a year of training, meetings, etc., she still is chronically late and unable to complete tasks independently. It takes a lot of my energy to manage her.
My HR department wants me to start a disciplinary process for her tardiness. My issue is that she clearly has executive function issues, and she often references this when I address work performance issues.
It’s hard for me not to feel like I’m punishing her for something she really cannot control, but I need something to change … even if it’s just my perspective.
– Time Management
Dear Management: When Stacey brings up her executive function issues, use that as an opportunity to talk solutions.
What can she do to make her working environment work for her? What are the parts of her job that she finds consistently challenging and are there ways that you two can find creative alternatives? Are there accommodations that can be made?
If she has concrete asks, you might be empowered to approve them, or you can take them to HR as a performance improvement plan.
Philosophies vary by workplace, but discipline seems a less effective tactic than a plan to target the problem issues and work toward change. This also empowers her to be a better advocate for herself, which will make her a better contributor to the team.
Dear Eric: Six months ago, I eloped with a man I had been dating for two weeks. We are now expecting our first child together.
I am a student, and I work part time. He works full time.
Every night my husband wants to go watch his friend gamble and drink (my husband doesn’t really do either). The friend is on Social Security and constantly asks for money, which he doesn’t always pay back.
My husband and I have been arguing a lot about this friend and the time and money he spends on him.
We are living paycheck to paycheck. We have three kids from previous relationships, and the one on the way. Financially, we are struggling, but my husband still gives his friend free rides all over town and money to gamble and buy alcohol.
It also makes me really sad that after I spend all day at school and then all evening at work, the minute I get home, my husband leaves to spend time with his friend. When I brought it up, he told me to get my own friends, and it wouldn’t be an issue.
Please, help. What do I do?
– Brokenhearted
Dear Brokenhearted: You’re in pain and it won’t help you for me to belabor the past, so I’ll simply say that neither of you put enough consideration into this relationship before tying the knot. Now, things that might have come up while dating and living independently are creating marital strife, which can have far-reaching impact.
But it’s not too late. With regard to your finances, have a budget conversation with your husband in which you both outline shared goals, strategies and values. Is all money that comes into the house shared money or only a portion? Do you have a strategy for saving for the new child or any other goals?
Starting off with general objectives around money will help keep you both from getting mired in debate about the gambling friend. If, for instance, you work out a budget that accounts for every dollar, then you don’t have any extra to loan to the friend.
Money can be an emotional subject, and the loans are clearly touching on an isolation you’re feeling in the marriage, as well. Have a separate conversation about what you want and need from a married partnership and ask him what he needs. What can you two do together to create meaningful experiences and draw closer?
You’re seeing him pour time into his friendship; your marriage won’t flourish if you both aren’t pouring time into it as well.
Dear Eric: In response to your response to “Concerned Relative,” who was distressed that a monetary gift to a nephew was used to buy guns, I was in support of everything you said but also thought that if Concerned Relative wants to help pay for summer activities without having this money go directly to something like this (guns) perhaps they could purchase memberships, tickets, tuition directly from various organizations rather than giving the money to their nephew.
– Reader
Dear Reader: Giving experiences or directly paying for things like camp is a great alternative for future gifts.
Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram @oureric and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.