Luigi Mangione! Alec Baldwin! All The Jokes That Didn’t Make Nikki Glaser's Monologue

The critical response to the Golden Globes on Sunday night has been unanimous: Nikki Glaser was a good host. The best one since Ricky Gervais, according to the Telegraph. And the comedian's audience of (sometimes) temperamental elites hasn't complained either. (Gervais could not say the same.) Yet, in Glaser's first interview since the Globes, she shared some jokes that most likely would've invited some outrage.

On Monday, Glaser stopped by Howard Stern's SiriusXM radio show to discuss how she made the most of a notoriously thankless gig, and to mourn all the punchlines that didn't make the cut for one reason or another. Among Glaser's many targets were the Catholic Church, Alec Baldwin, and Luigi Mangione, the accused killer​ of UnitedHealthcare CEO Brian Thompson.

“Glen Powell is nominated tonight for Hit Man," Glaser began the joke. "Who would have thought you’d only be the second-hottest hit man in America?” According to Glaser, the quip wasn't included because the story had "faded" and test audiences were no longer amused.

“That one we didn’t do because […] Luigi was a big deal for a while, and then it kind of faded and took a while for people to get it,” she told Stern. (Stern, I'll note, said he didn't get the joke.) Frankly, I have to wonder whether the story has "faded" only among people of wealth and without a grasp on reality—because the last time I checked, its every development persists in the news cycle. And it seems the terminally online (and TMZ) are also still pretty locked in on Luigi. In fact, the first thing to greet me on TikTok this morning was a new fancam but hey, what do I know?

Another joke that didn't see the bright lights at the Beverly Hilton was levied at Alec Baldwin.

“Michael Keaton was so great in Beetlejuice Beetlejuice. And Alec Baldwin sadly did not come back to play a ghost because he was too busy making them," she told Stern.

“Please know that I know that was not nice,” Glaser tacked on. “It’s such a great joke, but it’s just too mean.” I'm of the mind that there is no such thing as "too mean" when it comes to Baldwin but I get it. It goes without saying that the death of cinematographer Halyna Hutchins doesn't deserve to become an award show punchline for her former peers. But to Glaser I ask: Aren't there at least 50 other Baldwin jokes to be made that have nothing to do with a woman's death?

The Catholic Church, too, was spared by Glaser. “I loved Conclave. It’s about the choosing a new pope," the joke went. "It was heartwarming. It will touch you so much that the church will have to move it to another theater. Hot tip: You don’t need ID to get into the Conclave afterparty.”

"We didn’t do those because they were Catholic Church pedophile jokes--we’ve all heard them, we don’t need more of that.” But when investigations like this continue to yield evidence that the Church harbors pedophiles, I really must disagree.

Glaser shared that several versions of the monologue's jokes were prepared and those that were ultimately deployed were a product of many amendments. For instance, there was a rib at Kidman that was abandoned for a bawdy compliment to Babygirl, Ben Affleck was to be accused of "ruining" Jennifers, and the "two-time Holocaust survivor" Adrian Brody joke had a follow-up that was cut because her Gen Z assistant "didn't get it."

Another audience favorite was a dig at Timothée Chalamet. Glaser's crack at his mustache made it in, but this one—which, honestly, was more about Bob Dylan—didn't: “Timothée Chalamet took lessons in guitar, dialect, movement and vocals to become Bob Dylan [in A Complete Unknown]. While Bob Dylan became Bob Dylan the old-fashioned way: heroin and autism.”

In the end, Glaser said she was happy with her performance but noted that she was paid less than her male predecessors, like Jerrod Carmichael, who was paid $500,000. However, she seemed confident that she'd get another chance to negotiate for more next year. Deadline reported that she's already been asked back.

“I’ll get more next year," she told Stern. "I honestly would have done it for free, it’s such an insane platform... [But] next time I’ll ask for more money."