Times Are Tough For Everyone: This 45-Year-Old CEO Can Only Afford A 44-Year-Old Blood Boy
It’s no secret that our faltering economy has left millions of poor and middle-class Americans struggling to make ends meet, but now it seems like things have gotten so bad that financial hardship isn’t just hitting everyday Americans—it’s also affecting the one percent. As a devastating case in point, just consider this 45-year-old CEO, who can only afford a 44-year-old blood boy.
Yikes! This is a major economic red flag. It seems like times are tough for everyone, even some of the wealthiest people in our society.
For years, Benedict Osborne, the founder and CEO of a multinational tech company, has comfortably been able to set aside $60 million to harvest the plasma of virile young men in their late teens and early twenties. This blood allows Benedict to steal the life force of these younger blood boys, which helps keep him young forever and ensures that he will never die. Unfortunately, in recent years, the economic downtown brought about by factors like the pandemic and out-of-control inflation means that, like millions of his fellow citizens, Benedict’s bank account has taken a major hit. Now he only has a few million dollars each year to spend on blood boys, and the only options within his new restricted budget are much older. In fact, the only blood boy that he was able to afford this year was 44 years old—just one year younger than he is!
This is truly horrible. The poor guy must be overcome with shame and anxiety every time he looks at his aging, cut-rate blood boy.
“When I steal this guy’s blood, I can barely feel my life force replenishing, and instead of all of my wrinkles vanishing as my face returns to the full blush of youth, I’m lucky if a few of my smaller crow’s feet disappear,” Benedict told us, clearly fighting back tears as he described his reduced standard of living. “If things don’t turn around soon, I’m going to have to start harvesting the blood of men my own age, which will barely do anything except double my strength and allow me to steal the men’s memories. I’m really scared about what the future holds.”
Absolutely heartbreaking. It’s so devastating that our nation’s billionaires have been forced to start getting older and grappling with their impending mortality instead of filling their veins with the hot, powerful blood of youth. Here’s hoping the economy turns around soon so that Benedict and other CEOs like him can get back on their feet and can afford the vibrant young blood boys they need!