Filing for divorce on National Divorce Day? Here’s how to have a ‘good’ separation according to a lawyer
THE first Monday of the year when we return to work has been dubbed Divorce Day.
It is reportedly the day when law firms see a significant spike in couples seeking advice or filing for divorce.
Divorce lawyer Rachel Clarion, of Clarion Solicitors, spoke exclusively to Fabulous about the phenonemon and how to have a “good” divorce.
She pointed out recent research from the Ministry of Justice showing September having overtaken January as the most popular month to file for a divorce.
However, the expert explained it is still not uncommon for couples to file after Christmas.
“The Christmas season can be a challenging time for many families, even if they are happy,” Rachel explained. “It is the time of year when emotions can run high.
“If there are children, a couple often feel they need to commit to one last Christmas together as a family and look to separation after the Christmas period.
“This, together with pressures of hosting, travelling, and financial pressures, plus the desire to make a ‘perfect’ Christmas for children can push couples who are already struggling to a breaking point.”
The lawyer cited figures from the Office for National Statistics as she discussed the most common divorcee demographics.
“While there’s no typical profile of person that files for divorce, couples over the age of 60 are the fastest-growing group,” she said.
“In terms of length of marriage, almost half of divorces happen in the first 10-12 years of marriage, and the rate is especially high between the fourth and eighth anniversary.”
However, she explained that divorces, while emotional, don’t have to be an unpleasant affair.
“There is no longer a requirement to allege any reason for
the breakdown of the marriage,” Rachel explained.
This means that neither party should feel pressured to shift any “blame.”
“With the introduction of ‘no-fault divorce’ in the UK, couples can obtain a divorce without proving fault or wrongdoing by either party,” Rachel revealed.
“Divorce can be amicable and healthy if both parties want this.”
Signs your relationship is heading for a divorce
- Persistent Communication Breakdowns
Constant misunderstandings, arguments, or a complete lack of meaningful conversation can signal deep-seated issues. - Emotional Distance
Feeling like roommates rather than partners, with a noticeable lack of intimacy or emotional connection. - Frequent Criticism and Contempt
Regularly criticising each other and showing contempt, such as sarcasm, eye-rolling, or mocking, can erode the relationship’s foundation. - Unresolved Conflicts
Recurrent arguments about the same issues without any resolution can indicate deeper incompatibilities. - Loss of Trust
Trust is crucial in any relationship. If it’s been broken and cannot be rebuilt, it may be a sign that the relationship is in trouble. - Different Life Goals
Significant differences in future aspirations, such as career goals, lifestyle choices, or family planning, can create insurmountable divides. - Avoidance
Preferring to spend time apart rather than together, whether through work, hobbies, or social activities, can indicate a desire to escape the relationship. - Lack of Support
Feeling unsupported, whether emotionally, financially, or practically, can lead to feelings of isolation and resentment. - Financial Disagreements
Constantly arguing about money, spending habits, or financial priorities can strain the relationship. - Infidelity
Whether physical or emotional, infidelity can be a major breach of trust and a sign of deeper issues in the relationship. - Changes in Affection
A noticeable decrease in affection, physical touch, or romantic gestures can indicate a loss of connection.
She acknowledged that no matter how amicable, going through a divorce will be difficult.
“There is an emotional and financial cost and an impact on the whole family as well as wider family and friends,” she explained.
“It is the end of a marriage, many of which will have had happy and loving memories.
“This is why couples should know all their options and exactly what divorce involves.”
Rachel recommends reaching out to an experienced family lawyer, who can take some of the burden away and advise in relation to your situation, supporting your financial and emotional needs.
“Non-court dispute resolution also highlights the different options couples have available, to avoid going to court,” she added.
Many clients are able to divorce in a mutually respectful way, even if their relationship has broken down.
Rachel Clarion
“Many clients are able to divorce in a mutually respectful way, even if their relationship has broken down.
“If there is an agreement that the marriage has ended, and both parties focus on their children being the priority, it is entirely possible to work together as civil and collaborative co-parents after divorce.”
She pointed out that it is only natural for emotions to “run high” as you adapt to this new way of living.
“It is a very small percentage of clients that can genuinely still get on with their ex after divorce,” she said.
To become one of the few, Rachel highlighted the importance of good communication.
“To keep the situation civil, I usually suggest speaking to your partner, if the situation permits it, and letting them know in advance that you’re going to be applying for divorce,” she said.
“To maintain a level of communication, mutual respect, and civility can help enormously when discussions around arrangements for the children or financial settlement is required.”
She also broke down the typical divorce process which begins with a £593 court fee, paid for by the person or couple that has made the application.
“If you decide to instruct a solicitor to advise on the process or financial or children arrangements, there will be additional costs but this varies from case to case,” she continued.
“The divorce process starts by completing a divorce application online, which essentially asks the Court to grant you a divorce.
“Once the application is issued, the respondent i.e. the ex-
spouse then is required to acknowledge the application.
“If the Court is happy with application, it will set a date on which the Conditional Order, is ‘pronounced’ in Court.”
There is a minimum time of 20 weeks from the divorce application being issued before the conditional order can be applied for.
“For couples who are already struggling, those 20 weeks can feel like a lifetime but it’s also a period for both parties to reflect on their decision and start working towards a financial settlement,” she said.
Six weeks after the Conditional Order is pronounced, the Final Order can be applied for unless financial reasons cause a delay.
“Only once this has been granted is the marriage dissolved and the parties officially divorced,” Rachel concluded.