I’m convinced my husband is having an affair with a woman at work
DEAR DEIDRE: YEARS of lies and mistrust are beginning to make my marriage unravel.
I’m now convinced my husband is having an affair with a woman at work – but he denies it. I feel like I’ve had enough, and there’s no way back for us.
I’m 48 and my husband is 50. We’ve been married for 18 years and have one child, who is now away at university.
Our relationship hasn’t been good for almost a decade. We do nothing but argue, and we don’t have sex unless I initiate it.
Over the past year, things have really deteriorated. My husband is distant, moody, and won’t talk about anything.
He isn’t depressed because he’s fine at work or with his friends. So I know the problem is me – but he says our marriage is fine.
He’s always had a roving eye and flirts with other women, even in front of me. Something he always denies.
I’m pretty sure he had an affair in the past, but I never found the proof.
Now, his distance and the fact he’s always working late for no good reason makes me think he’s sleeping with a woman at work.
He told me not to be so ridiculous. He can’t see the fact he won’t talk to me or tell me anything about what he’s been up to makes me paranoid.
The truth is, I’m almost past caring. We have no relationship to speak of, and I’m tired of trying to make it work.
Should I ask for a divorce and leave him?
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: Your husband is behaving unreasonably.
Whether or not he’s having an affair, he is neglecting you and your marriage.
For a relationship to work, there needs to be good communication and trust – neither of which you have. You’ve made an effort, but he hasn’t.
If your husband refuses to talk to you, or even to acknowledge a problem, it’s very difficult to see how things can improve.
You need to decide if you would be happier ending your marriage, or if you want to give it one last shot.
If you want to try, tell him you’re on the brink of walking away and that you need a serious conversation.
Ask him if he’ll consider relationship therapy and set up an appointment with Tavistock Relationships (tavistockrelationships.org).
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