Mass Hysteria Strikes Again: The Great Drone Invasion of 2024

The latest American mass psychosis involves drones, a rather mundane twist in a long, gaudy, societal psychopathology leading from communists under the bed, to the lunatic Havana Syndrome, to dastardly Chinese spy balloons. So our current fixation is mystery drones, sighted across the U.S. but most alarmingly, for birdbrains I guess, over U.S. military bases. For the floridly paranoid among us, which includes the pentagon, CIA, NSA and a whole poisoned soup of government security agencies, the appearance of drones over military bases means one thing: enemies eyeballing Amurican defenses. And the solution, according to military sachems, is to appoint someone, somewhere to be in charge of doing something about it, in other words a sort of super spook somebody bureaucrat, natch.

In December, on six occasions drones flew over Camp Pendleton in California, leading to the arrest, quite idiotically, of a Chinese citizen. My questions is, how long before the trail of bread crumbs leads back to Beijing? Because that’s the only destination nincompoops running our government will be satisfied with. And because back in 2023, our entire nation nearly collapsed from the vapors over a Chinese balloon – either a spy or weather balloon was never satisfactorily determined. But as far as the supposed geniuses in the pentagon were concerned, it was a spy balloon. How long before we start to hear shouts that these drones are spying on us? Well, we already have.

In fact, CNN December 21 beat lotsa people to the punch: “It’s unclear what specifically the drones could be doing – the intent could be anything from attempting to gather intelligence on the base [spying] or testing its defenses and response time [spying], to gaining a better understanding of how the bases work [spying], or they could simply be harmless hobbyists flying drones too close to restricted areas [not spying].” Anyone with an intelligence slightly above room temperature can deduce CNN’s conclusion, namely, some nefarious furren somebodies are after our precious military secrets.

Indeed, on December 19 we learned from the UK’s Independent that “flight restrictions have been imposed above 22 pieces of ‘critical New Jersey infrastructure’ like power plants, amid an ongoing panic” over drones. “Ongoing panic” is a modest locution for the nonstop governmental and public frenzy over this latest possible hostile foreign invasion and thus contamination of our sacred airspace. Our airspace, apparently, must remain pure, and who knows how far down the sky will fall if it isn’t?

As Amuricans cower indoors, afraid to visit their back decks lest some unknown somebody surveille them as they straighten up their rakes and snow-shovels, they can rest assured that the Federal Aviation Administration is on the case. What can the FAA do? “Bar drone flights within 400 feet of designated sites.” How, you may ask, will the FAA enforce this new rule? Well, that has the occasional observer with a brain scratching his head. Will FAA technicians zap the drones with lasers? Or maybe just shoot them down with anti-aircraft missiles? Personally, I think slingshots are the way to go.

Meanwhile the FBI and DHS reassure us that “we have no evidence at this time that reported drone sightings pose a national security or public safety threat or have a foreign nexus.” Such remarks do little to assuage the fears of morons debating letting the red Chinese photograph them doing their yardwork. After all, you never know what an enemy might do with images of you packing a leaf-blower.

Suffice it to say, official attempts to calm the public have failed. ‘“I think the powers that be are stonewalling,’ Mine Hill Mayor Sam Morris told PIX11 News…’they’re gaslighting. They’re trying to now tell people you’re not seeing anything. And that’s just not true,” reported the Independent. I’m sure Sam Morris speaks for most Amuricans with his accusations aimed at the government; in fact, many of our fellow citizens are convinced that the malign force behind those drones is in reality that very same government that already snoops in their emails, records their phone conversations, stores copies of their texts and probably keeps tabs on them through their smart devices. Why this all-seeing Big Brother would now need to shoot drones over their houses and ITS OWN military installations is an inconsistency in paranoid ratiocination that clearly doesn’t disturb your average “deep” thinker, who is, after all, no more deranged than his/her government, so hey, maybe the NSA really is sending drones to spy on American military bases. That makes about as much sense as spying on suburbanites, pulling up weeds on the front lawn.

Just think how far we have fallen in less than two short years, when the Chinese so-called spy balloon walloped us into a frenzy of fear and suspicion. At least back in 2023 the snoopers were actually known to be foreign. Now we’ve got our own spooks videotaping our own marine bases – does this mean there’s a falling out among members of our military industrial complex? Or is it just that our spies, bored by our emails about sales at Target or our enraged phone conversations with endless scammers, have decided to pursue bigger fish, namely our army, navy and marines? Where does this end? I’ll tell you where: after safely surveilling itself, no doubt our security state will proceed to do next what it does best, namely drop bombs – so it will bomb itself, if our spy chieftains deem it necessary.

So what those drones discover turns out to be a matter of critical national importance. If they find evidence of funny business in our military installations, those installations could be doomed, which means a new furor over the nation being attacked by hostile drones. And of course, enemy drones come, ipso facto, from abroad. So what we have here is the ultimate false flag, because if the CIA bombs Camp Pendleton, you know exactly what our reliably phony mass media will scream: All drones lead back to China! (Or maybe Russia or North Korea or Iran). Better clear those gardening tools off the back deck, because you won’t be stepping out there again till the skies are free of fearsome furren drones!

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