'New gulags': White House columnist takes a humorous look at Trump's Christmas wish list

A columnist took a humorous look at the Christmas wish list of Donald Trump and other prominent political figures.

The president-elect apparently wants Canada, Mexico, Greenland and the Panama Canal, wrote Salon's Brian Karem, and wondered what Trump wanted to do with those sovereign territories he's been talking about taking over.

"Perhaps taking over Canada and Mexico is just Trump’s way of solving the so-called immigration crisis," Karem wrote. "Taking back the Panama Canal would enable him to charge exorbitant fees for retail traffic through the canal zone (so he could pay his personal legal bills) – and taking over Greenland will give him plenty of room for his new gulags he wishes to build to house Liz Cheney, Adam Kinzinger, Dr. Anthony Fauci, and scores of others on his enemies list. Maybe he can even let the largest private prison companies run the new gulags at a well-negotiated price and for massive profits (of which he’ll take a personal cut)."

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Karem then turned his attention to vice president-elect J.D. Vance and the purportedly apparent co-president Elon Musk.

"Vance wants to be taken seriously this Christmas season, but I doubt Santa Claus has Vance’s manhood in his bag of goodies," Karem wrote. "Vance emerged from obscurity this week after being overwhelmed by the presence of Trump’s favorite puppeteer, Elon Musk. Vance was seen on Capitol Hill helping to negotiate a budget deal that would keep the government running until March. After the deal was done, Vance disappeared back into the night ether from which he came. Rumor is he’ll stay in his coffin until he’s needed."

Musk seemingly wants the entire world for Christmas, the columnist wrote, so he can cover it "in a white supremacist cloak that will make the Nazi regime look like a PTA meeting circle jerk."

"His international reach continues to grow as this week he (surprisingly?) endorsed a German conservative party that looks like MAGA on steroids," Karem wrote. "How is it that an immigrant from South Africa who is afforded all the freedoms of the world’s greatest nation would try to undermine the nation that allowed him to succeed beyond his wildest dreams? He doesn’t care. He wants it all and he wants it now. The man who bought and sold the world looks to be on Santa’s naughty list — so I doubt things in the new year will play out the way Husky Musky dreams. After all, his dream is a nightmare to millions of people worldwide."

"I certainly find it funny that man who could easily dip into his pocket and donate $100 billion to ease student loan debt and help solve homelessness in this country — and still be worth hundreds of billions of dollars — is trying so hard to fit into a high school cheerleading outfit (complete with pom poms) for Donald Trump," Karem added. "It would be justice if Musk got a sequin-lined cheerleading outfit for Christmas — complete with autographed copies of Vance’s 'Hillbilly Elegy.'"