I discovered my hubby had a secret escort habit, I plan to tell him in his birthday card that we need a divorce
DEAR DEIDRE: AFTER finding out about my husband’s secret escort habit, I plan to tell him in his birthday card that we need to get a divorce.
I’m 56, he’s 60 next month, and we’ve been married for 27 years.
We have two grown-up daughters.
Something shifted over the last five years, and he’s become progressively distant and emotionally unavailable.
While before he’d never shied away from affection and would even go out of his way with romantic gestures, these days I’m lucky if he even looks in my direction.
I tried everything to reignite our spark, but no matter what, he was uninterested in me and our sex life.
It was evident there was something going on, but every time I tried to approach the subject, he would say he was stressed with work.
I fought the urge to go snooping for so long, but when he arrived home smelling of another woman, I couldn’t resist.
I needed to confirm what I already knew deep down.
After finding nothing on his phone, I logged into his email where I found confirmation of all of his visits with different escorts.
I was dumbfounded.
While an affair would have broken me, knowing he was paying to sleep with an array of different women sent me over the edge.
Since then I’ve been struggling to eat or sleep and the heartbreak has been wearing me down.
His betrayal has torn me apart, and all I want is to get revenge for the way he’s made me feel.
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DEIDRE SAYS: It’s understandable you are having a hard time processing your husband’s betrayal, but asking for a divorce in his birthday card is not the answer.
He has shattered your trust, but 27 years of marriage is a lot to throw away without a conversation.
Find a moment to have a serious talk with him and get everything out.
Tell him how deeply he has hurt you and ask what caused him to cheat like this.
Before you set yourself on a course of conflict, it’s important to talk this through properly first.
My support pack, Cheating – Can You Get Over It? will help you navigate this tough time.
You would also benefit from couple’s counselling, even if you ultimately decide that it is time to end your marriage.
Please get in contact with tavistockrelationships.org.
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