What becomes of the brokenhearted? They hire a coach and go on a retreat.
A broken heart won’t kill you, but mending it requires delicate stitch work. A pint of ice cream, a rom-com and a credit card may work for some. But now, more of the heartbroken are throwing traditional breakup cures out the window for more nuanced, therapeutic approaches.
From recuperation at the Heartbreak Hotel (yes, it’s a real place) to coaching sessions on winning your ex-boo back, the breakup business is booming. Jennifer Wilson, a staff writer at the New Yorker, documented her journey through the industry that serves the suddenly single.
Wilson spoke with “Marketplace” host Kimberly Adams about her report on the growing business of breakup cures. An edited transcript of their conversation follows.
Kimberly Adams: So, what led you down this rabbit hole of the breakup business?
Jennifer Wilson: I came to this story through personal experience. The beginning of the summer, I was dumped by text message by someone I was very, very excited about. I just had dinner with a bunch of my friends, and had told them all about him, and how I was so excited. And they were asking for an update, and I had to update them that he just wanted to be friends. One of them asked me if I had a plan, if I had kind of like a breakup plan. I wasn’t sure what she was referring to, so I just kind of Googled “breakup plan” because she said it with such authority. And I saw all of these worksheets, books and daily planners for helping you get through a breakup. I discovered this world of breakup coaches, breakup dietitians, and then I found lots of retreats, breakup-themed vacations, so — heartbroken — I went to my boss and said, “Why don’t we send me to some of these luxury retreats and see, see what they’re all about?”
Adams: So, who exactly is getting targeted by some of these businesses?
Wilson: These businesses, there’s a range like any industry. There’s this whole kind of submarket of breakup coaches who specialize in “get your ex back.” They’re teaching you things like how to manifest your ex back, and they’re charging quite a lot of money. Some of these one-on-one, get-your-ex-back coaches are charging several hundred dollars for a one-on-one session. Frankly, they’re all targeting heartbroken people — but in terms of the gender breakdown, some of these retreats focus on women. I went to a retreat in the Berkshires at the Kripalu yoga center called “Healing from Heartbreak” that was focused on working with women. So, the short answer is everyone — and that’s kind of why I was interested in this story, because it’s hard to think of a person who has not been affected. This market is huge, and so I wanted to get in early and try to understand what’s happening and who all the players are.
Adams: And do you have a sense of how big this industry is, how much money is actually involved here?
Wilson: You know, no one knows for sure, and what you include in that is hard to say. It’s been estimated that the divorce industry is worth, I believe, $10 billion to $15 billion, so it’s around that. And as I say in the piece, you have more and more people choosing not to get married. You have more and more people cohabitating. So, you’re going to have more and more people going through, not divorces but breakups, and so I think it’s a growth market.
Adams: I was curious, have these kinds of businesses always been around, or is there something new happening right now?
Wilson: None of the interventions that the people I spoke with are particularly new, but what I would say is the notion that a breakup could be considered traumatic is new. You’re also seeing the rise of trauma that has entered the popular lexicon. So, I think there’s more people who are trauma-anxious, and I think that’s also sort of fueling the rise of these retreats and what many of them talk about and using trauma-informed interventions.
Adams: And how much does one of these retreats cost?
Wilson: Earlier you had asked me who are these programs targeting. It’s important to note, these are not cheap. A stay at the Heartbreak Hotel in England can run you around $3,000 for a weekend. Some of these breakup coaches can charge hundreds or thousands of dollars to work with them, depending on how many sessions you need. So, this is something that is targeting college-educated, upper-middle-class segment of the population.