My husband has given up on sex and said I can sleep with gym instructor
DEAR DEIDRE: MY husband has given me the green light to have sex with my gym instructor but I’m so torn.
It comes down to a choice between living like housemates with my sexless husband or enjoying wild, no-strings passion with my crush?
I’ve been married for ten years. My husband is 50. He’s my best friend but as he’s got older, he’s developed eczema and gout and can’t keep an erection.
As a result, he’s given up on sex and we live like brother and sister.
On my 40th birthday last year, I’d gained so much weight that none of my nice clothes fitted. I felt frumpy and old.
I flung myself into a midlife makeover, dieting, quitting booze and joining a gym.
I was soon working out five nights a week, partly because I developed a crush on one of my instructors.
He is 35, tall, and ultra-fit. I never thought he’d notice a middle-aged mum like me, but he followed me out of a class one night and I realised he was chatting me up.
He was drenched in sweat and I could see every one of his muscles.
I told my husband what had happened. Instead of being angry, he said he would understand if I had sex with my gym instructor.
He didn’t fight for me. We even talked about living together like housemates.
I don’t want to give up my marriage but I can’t commit to a sexless relationship.
DEIDRE SAYS: It’s not too late to rescue your sex life and marriage. Instead of discussing splitting up, why not talk about everything you love and enjoy about your marriage?
If you were both living an unhealthy lifestyle, it might explain why your husband can’t keep an erection.
Simple lifestyle tweaks, like giving up alcohol, losing weight and getting more exercise, can really help.
Ask him to see his doctor, then encourage him to share your healthy regime.
Going on a walk together every evening holding hands would be a good start.
My support pack, Solving Erection Problems, explains more.
I’m not convinced either of you really wants a platonic relationship.
I suspect your gym crush simply represents the lust and passion you’re missing at home.
Of course you’re tempted to have sex with him while enjoying the cosy companionship of your marriage, but this kind of arrangement seldom works out in the long run.
Most likely you’ll end up feeling bad for cheating or worry that this gym guy is using you, or your husband will realise he can’t cope with his jealousy.
Do read my support pack Saving Your Sex Life. I hope it will help you get closer again to your husband.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
Get in touch with the Dear Deidre team
Every problem gets a personal reply from one of our trained counsellors.
Fill out and submit our easy-to-use and confidential form and the Dear Deidre team will get back to you.
You can also send a private message on the DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page or email us at:
deardeidre@the-sun.co.uk