I'm a financial planner with rich clients, but more money isn't always fulfilling — the unhappily rich make 4 mistakes
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Beyond Your Hammock
- I'm a financial planner who works with wealthy clients, but some rich people are still miserable.
- Unhappy rich people tend to be tethered to their jobs and don't have a clear set of goals.
- My happiest clients are the ones who have the freedom to choose their own priorities.
I run a boutique financial planning firm that serves a very specific type of client. We specialize in serving tech and biotech employees who earn between $500,000 and $1 million per year through regular salaries, bonuses, commissions, and equity compensation grants.
In theory, these households shouldn't want for much. If money buys happiness, wouldn't you think this group is downright ecstatic?
More money makes life easier, but whether it makes you happier depends
More money does make life easier. It provides more conveniences and luxuries. But what I've observed is that having more money does not create a direct path to happiness or fulfillment.
I see that clients tend to fall on either end of a spectrum: On one end, there are folks who are truly content and happy, living their best lives, and sharing that joy with others.
And on the other end, there are those who struggle. Something is always going wrong. They experience very high levels of stress and anxiety. They can't figure out why they find themselves chasing "more," never feeling settled or secure.
Each group has a household income most other people envy. Why, then, are their experiences so different?
What the unhappily rich have in common
Those who can't seem to find happiness, regardless of how much they earn, tend to:
- Feel controlled by their jobs, which they might have chosen due to very high-value comp packages. They feel tied to their current positions because of their spending habits and lack of savings power; they usually have very high run rates and rely on high-value benefits like generous retirement contributions to make up the difference.
- Use "spending money" as a way to escape difficult emotions, instead of dealing with the underlying problem. They tend to spend more than is advisable.
- Avoid defining what "enough" looks like, constantly moving the goalposts by which they measure their lives.
- Blame others for bad outcomes rather than taking accountability or responsibility.
The tendencies of those who are both wealthy and happy
The people I work with who are both wealthy and genuinely happy tend to be reflective, thoughtful, and self-aware. They're interested in understanding their emotions and accepting them. They cultivate growth mindsets, want self-improvement, and enjoy learning.
Those who are happiest also have a lot of flexibility within their careers. They exercise at least some control over when and how they work.
They may have very demanding jobs that require huge commitments of time and energy, but they have enough power over their time that they can take an afternoon to attend a kid's recital. They can unplug at night and will leave their inbox alone on Saturday and Sunday.
They also feel in command of their careers in general. They don't completely rely on particular benefits or the generosity of an employer's outsized retirement account match to make their financial plan work.
Instead, they prioritize their own savings first. They may still spend a lot, but it's after they've ensured they set savings targets for the year. They tend to save more than they "have to" on paper, which leaves them less dependent on any single source of external support.
My clients who experience the most joy and satisfaction in their day-to-day lives are those who did a lot of work to identify their priorities and core values. Once they shared these north stars, we could create a financial plan that aligned specific strategies, tactics, and actions with what they say is most important to them.
More money helps, but it isn't everything
There's no doubt that having more money solves many problems that you might run into in life. But earning more without also making an active, deliberate effort to understand yourself, your emotions, your motivations, and your core values is a good way to get locked into a hedonic treadmill.
You can easily find yourself using your wealth to constantly seek "more" and "better" without actually feeling satisfied or content.
If you do the deep work required to accurately identify your priorities and what feels true and authentic to you, you're much more likely to actually enjoy what the money you make allows you to afford.