Miss Manners: They wrongly imply my brother and I are a couple

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My brother and I bought a home together some years ago (I’ve never married, and he is divorced).

Christmas cards, invitations and whatnot meant for both of us often come addressed to “John and Jim Doe.” This seems to indicate that we are a couple. Wouldn’t it be more appropriate to address the envelope with “John Doe and Jim Doe”?

I’m not a prude, and we both get a chuckle out of the apparent faux pas, but am I right about how a letter should be addressed?

GENTLE READER: Far be it from Miss Manners to discourage a chuckle, but pairing the names of siblings at the same address, without the least thought of there being any other relationship, is traditional. Only it would have been, properly, “The Messrs. John and Jim Doe.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I attend his parents’ Christmas Eve celebration every year. It begins around 4 p.m., and we usually head home around 9 p.m.

They put out deli meats, rolls and a small bowl of nuts. People always bring different things to add to the meal. I usually make a pasta dish or meatballs. Every year, whatever we bring is devoured!

This year, my father-in-law mentioned that they always have so much food left over, and that they don’t want people to bring anything.

I’m torn between bringing food anyway, as it’s always eaten, or following their wishes and being hungry for the evening.

GENTLE READER: Your father-in-law’s instruction and the reasoning behind it seem clear to Miss Manners. Why are you considering violating it?

Ah, yes, so you don’t go hungry. If what is offered is not enough, surely you can eat before you attend.

But perhaps that hunger is for the appreciation others show for the dishes you bring. Fair enough, although still not an excuse for going against the host’s expressed wish.

But you will be gratified: Someone is bound to say, “You didn’t bring your wonderful pasta dish? I look forward to that all year.” With any luck, this might be said within your father-in-law’s hearing.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My brother-in-law just informed us, very last-minute, that he’s coming to our house for Christmas.

Whenever he visits, he sleeps until around 10. My husband and I have three children, ages 8, 3 and 8 months. Should we have the children wait to open gifts until their uncle is awake, talk to him about waking earlier since it is Christmas, or just let the kids open gifts before their uncle is up?

I don’t think he’d have any issue with us not waiting for him.

GENTLE READER: Then why are you considering torturing young children and turning them against their uncle?

Miss Manners suggests only the courtesy of telling your brother-in-law that the children will be opening their presents at 7, if they can wait even that long, but that he is welcome to sleep in.

Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.