‘Tis the season for holiday hubbub

I need help! My wife is driving me crazy. Can someone help me figure out how to distract her? It’s the Christmas season and she’s getting out all the decorations. She wants to have the kids here for Christmas. I told her that “it took 34 years to get rid of them, why would you want them all back?”

She won’t listen, though. She’s getting out all the boxes and boxes of Christmas stuff. We raided Home Depot yesterday for poinsettias and holly. We bought a tree. There’s just no stopping her. I volunteered to put the house lights on the roof just to get away from all of this crazy decorating. She’s setting the dining room table and everything’s red and green. It’s all over the tablecloth, runner and placemats — green and red all over!

She’s washing her mother’s china and got out the silverware. Oh boy, there’s the Christmas music: “Deck the Halls,” Bing Crosby’s “White Christmas,” Elvis Presley’s “Blue Christmas” and, of course, “Jingle Bell Rock.” It’s all driving me crazy. I think she’s yearning for the good times: celebrating together, families with their Sunday best on, smiles in place with nothing but good tidings passing those ruby-red lips, children looking their best and only their best behavior exhibited, and nary a cross word or look, even from Uncle Frank, who has a natural knack for finding the dark side of things.

I don’t know about others, but if we decide in November to have dinner at our place, she’ll work and worry every day until the turkey exits the oven on Christmas Day. To-do lists will appear out of nowhere and pictures that were OK the rest of the year are replaced by Thomas Kinkade’s “A Holiday Gathering,” Norman Rockwell’s “Coca-Cola Santa” and, of course, a myriad of children and grandchildren in Santa’s lap.

Then she clips the greenery off our junipers to nestle in with the poinsettias, you know, to make them feel warm in the chilly courtyard or out back — more green and red, slowly engulfing the property, turning it into a winter wonderland of color. It’s a picture-perfect scene reminiscent of Better Homes and Gardens’ seasonal suggestions; Martha Stewart would be proud indeed.

Thank heavens there’s only a few days left. She’s now assembling the banoffee pie: crushed graham crackers toffee filling over bananas with scads of whipped cream.

Oh well, it’s all for the best. The most important things in life are about sharing with others and our children. Have a wonderful Christmas.

Oh, and just in case I’m perceived as the Grinch, I absolutely love my better half — she makes every day a little sweeter, especially Christmas.

David McLaughlin is a Novato resident. IJ readers are invited to share their stories of love, dating, parenting, marriage, friendship and other experiences for our How It Is column, which runs Tuesdays in the Lifestyles section. All stories must not have been published in part or in its entirety previously. Send your stories of no more than 600 words to lifestyles@marinij.com. Please write How It Is in the subject line. The IJ reserves the right to edit them for publication. Please include your full name, address and a daytime phone number.