Rejected by their families, LGBTQ+ residents celebrate holidays with their own
For Rosa Santos, the holidays may be short on family, but they’re brimming with members of her fellow transgender community.
While the season is usually a time for family gatherings, cheer and gift giving, some LGBTQ+ people aren’t accepted by their families because of politics, sexuality or gender expression. And some Southern California trans residents such as Santos have an even harder time because many of their relatives live in Mexico.
“What I am is challenging for some of them,” said Santos, who added that most of her family doesn’t accept her identity as a trans woman. “They can’t accept people like me. That’s why I came to the United States, so I could be free to be who I am.”
Nonprofit groups that support the LGBTQ+ community know the pain.
So they’re fighting the loneliness and rejection by providing community ahead of the holidays. Organizers in the Inland Empire, Orange County and Los Angeles County are staging events with games, prizes, food and music — plus the chance to bond with other LGBTQ+ residents who’ve had similar experiences.
“A lot of our community members don’t have families to celebrate Christmas or the holidays with, so this event means a lot, and we have a really great turnout every year,” said Bee Curiel, a training programs manager for the Trans Latina Coalition in Los Angeles. “It’s really just an affirming way to enter the holiday season.”
Curiel attended the coalition’s holiday party Friday, Dec. 6, in West Hollywood, where about 100 people — most trans — joined the cultural festivities.
“There’s a lot of hostility with trans topics right now,” Curiel said. “A lot of people are feeling uncertain how they’ll be received at home so this is a space where people can kind of put that aside and be with community.”
Though Santos, a Los Angeles resident, could travel to Mexico, safety concerns keep her away.
Many countries don’t recognize same-sex marriage and consider it a crime, according to the U.S. Department of State.
Inside the U.S., some LGBTQ+ leaders say some states are less safe than others, citing places such as Texas and Florida, where transgender issues have become a hotbed of legislative political conflict. Also, the ACLU is tracking what it calls more than 550 anti-trans bills in the U.S.
Rather than let her complex family relationships keep her down during the holidays, Santos celebrated at the coalition’s event, which featured a Christmas tree and decorations.
“I love being here and seeing my trans community,” she said. “There’s a small population of us but they’re like my sisters.”
The crowded party offered cultural treats like tacos, agua frescas, a hot Mexican drink called ponche navideño, a piñata, bilingual music, musical chairs and a balloon-popping game as well as free HIV testing. Guests got free gifts such as gender-affirming chest compression binders, clothes and makeup.
Elyse Ambrose, an assistant professor in Black Studies at UC Riverside, said the holidays can be a challenging time that can lead to people being cut off from their families.
Ambrose, a Los Angeles resident who uses they and them pronouns and has researched the LGBTQ+ community for more than 10 years, said the term “right relationship” describes reciprocal relationships that inspire dignity and worth for oneself and others.
“LGBTQ+ people want to be around people who affirm the truth of who they are and how they identify, that they matter,” Ambrose, 39, said. “Not only to counter the erasure that LGBTQ+ people experience, but also as a way to connect more fully with someone.”
Because LGBTQ+ people often feel alienated from families and social groups, things like using correct pronouns, chosen names, welcoming partners and discussing their gender or sexuality identities can be important in affirming their existence and respecting them, Ambrose said.
“I think what LGBTQ+ people are seeking during the holidays is that wholehearted ‘Yes, you matter. You’re valid. I see you as you are,’” Ambrose said.
Rejection or partial acceptance often hurts worse coming from family, compared to strangers or acquaintances, Ambrose said.
And it leads to people seeking “spaces that allow LGBTQ+ people to not experience that hurt,” Ambrose said.
In Orange County, LGBTQ+ families and allies gathered Friday, Dec. 6, for a Family Holiday Brunch at Fairview Community Church in Costa Mesa. Christmas caroling with live piano playing, a drag queen story hour and a hot cocoa station were favorites.
OC Pride put on the family event where about 30 people enjoyed crafts, a drag queen Ms. Claus and a visit from Santa. The books read and the available crafts celebrated Christmas, Hanukkah and Kwanzaa.
Santa Ana resident Jennifer Jaeger attended with her wife and their 3-year-old child as well as her wife’s sister.
“I didn’t know this space existed,” Jaeger said. “We have been trying to get into queer family community spaces.”
It’s important for kids to see happy queer families that look familiar to their own in order to decrease the potential stigma, she said.
While Jaeger said she is fortunate to have a supportive family, she is concerned for the safety of her child and their queer family while living in Orange County.
“I do worry that my son will be discriminated against or made fun of because he comes from a queer family,” she said. “Events like this are vital to our community, to help kids see that every family is different.”
Fullerton resident Emily May, 40, went to the brunch with her husband and two children. May said they don’t have or enforce strict gender roles onto her 6- and 8-year-old children. Instead, the couple lets them dress how they’d like and play with age-appropriate toys, despite them being marketed to one gender or the other.
“We try to be really involved with the LGBTQ+ community because we feel it’s an important thing to do and if we can help make others feel safe and accepted, that’s even better,” May said.
May, a straight ally, has family and friends supportive of her child so she often hosts a holiday party to welcome friends who don’t have such a family.
“It’s amazing to have these kinds of events,” she said. “Just having more friends that can relate to our family means a lot to us.”
Irvine resident Cassidy Beach, who uses they and them pronouns, attended with their partner.
“We really wanted to be around people with the same views as us and the same values,” Beach, 30, said. “Having an LGBTQ+ space is very inviting, affirming and validating to us. We can come as we are, we don’t have to hide anything and we don’t have to change who we are.”
Beach and their partner have families in various states and also have relatives who aren’t fully supportive.
“It’s important to have a consistent community with us during the holidays,” Beach said. “It’s really important to lean on our community and our found spaces.”
LGBTQ HOLIDAY EVENTS
Inland Empire
- The Inland Empire Prism Collective will host an 18+ trans and nonbinary winter hangout Monday, Dec. 16, from 5 p.m. to 8 p.m. The address will be provided once one is registered. Information: @ieprismcollective’s Instagram.
- Riverside Pride is hosting a “Holigay” social meetup Thursday, Dec. 19, from 6 p.m. to 8 p.m. at 1725 Spruce St., Riverside. Reservation information: riverside.lgbt/holigay.
- The Prism Collective is hosting a free, all-ages tree decorating event Saturday, Dec. 21, from 2 p.m. to 5 p.m., 1411 N. D St., San Bernardino. Registration is required and available at tinyurl.com/quso-holigays.
Los Angeles County
- A group of LGBTQ+ residents are hosting a 21+ meetup and gift exchange at LA Historic Park on Sunday, Dec. 15, from 11 a.m. to 3:30 p.m. Information: @venusinaquariusevents on Instagram.
- A queer holiday ecology walk is set for Sunday, Dec. 15, from 11 a.m. to 1 p.m. at Griffith Park. Information: @jasonjourneyman on Instagram.
- Underdog Bookstore will host a Winter Solstice vendor market with LGBTQ+ artists and businesses on Saturday, Dec. 21, from 11 a.m. to 4 p.m. at 312 S. Myrtle Ave., Monrovia.
Orange County
- Alianza Translatinx’s annual Posada celebration is set for Wednesday, Dec. 18, from noon to 4 p.m. at its office, 206 W. Fourth St., Suite 420, Santa Ana.
- OC Pride will host a Holiday Happy Hour at STRUT Bar & Club in Costa Mesa, Wednesday, Dec. 18, from 5 p.m. to 7 p.m. Free tickets are available on Eventbrite.