What can parents do about bullying?

MANILA, Philippines — “Ayesha is just a kid.”

Actress Yasmien Kurdi couldn’t help but feel concern after a group of students “ganged up” on her 12-year-old daughter Ayesha by stopping her from leaving the classroom for recess.

This wasn’t the first time that the young girl was targeted by her schoolmates. Kurdi said that her child has been on the receiving end of bullying behaviors as early as Grade 2.

Ayesha is just one of many Filipino children who are affected by bullying behavior.  A 2022 Programme for International Student Assessment (PISA) report found that 43% of girls and 53% of boys in Philippine schools experience bullying multiple times in a month. 

The United Nations International Children’s Emergency Fund (UNICEF) said bullying can be identified through three characteristics: intent, repetition, and power. A person who bullies repeatedly causes harm, whether through physical or psychological means.

Bullying is a problem that needs to be nipped in the bud, as it could have long-term effects for kids as they grow up. Children who are bullied, according to psychologist Niña Ubalde, may struggle to build trust and confidence in themselves and others.

“Their self-esteem is diminished. Our experiences, after all, could change how we view ourselves,” she said. “At a young age, they start thinking that they might be worthless. Having those thoughts for years and years of your life, it can have big repercussions.”

UNICEF also said that children who experience bullying are at risk of developing emotional and mental health problems like depression and anxiety, which may lead to substance abuse or poor performance in school.

As their primary caretakers at home, what can parents do about bullying?

Check for signs

Ubalde said parents could benefit from observing changes in their children’s behavior since they may have a hard time opening up to adults about their situation.

According to her, the struggle may be rooted from shock or confusion about the incident.

“They sometimes don’t have the words to express [feelings] — not because they don’t want to, but because they just can’t. So, that can appear through behaviors,” she told Rappler.

UNICEF advises parents to look out for the following signs if they believe that their child is being bullied in school:

• Unexplained bruises, scratches, broken bones, or healing wounds 
• Fear of going to school or participating in school events
• Being anxious or nervous
• Having only few friends or avoiding social situations
• Personal items being lost or destroyed
• Frequently asks for money
• Poor academic performance
• Tries to stay near adults
• Not sleeping well 
• Complaining of physical pain
• Shows distress after spending time online or on their phone without explanation
• Suddenly becomes secretive, especially when it comes to online activities
• Becoming aggressive or having outbursts

Ubalde also reminded adults to keep an open mind if their children happen to share experiences that involve bullying.

“It’s important for communication to be gentle, [and] at the same time, open,” she said. “Maybe the parent would get mad and they would get scolded, that is probably what’s preventing children from expressing.” 

Talk to teachers and mental health professionals

If their child struggles with opening up about their experiences, parents can also get help from the kid’s teachers.

“Maybe the teachers were able to observe something in class,” Ubalde said. “That’s the importance of a parent-teacher conference, so that another person could provide a different perspective, especially the one who spends most of the day with their child.”

Both students and their parents could also seek advice, if possible, from the school’s guidance counselors on how to deal with bullying. Ubalde said that the impact of such situations does not have to be severe before reaching out to these mental health practitioners.

“Prevention is better than cure. If you see signs, it might be good to consult already,” she said. 

Unfortunately, according to the Second Congressional Commission on Education (EDCOM 2),  “the ratio of guidance counselors to students in many public schools is alarmingly low, with one counselor often responsible for thousands of students, leaving many without access to adequate support.”

If guidance counselors are not readily available, Ubalde said that parents could gather knowledge from reputable online sources and seminars. They could also consult other mental health professionals like psychologists and psychiatrists.

What if the child is bullying others?

There are many reasons why some children bully their peers.

To name a few, Ubalde said that there are kids who tend to have outbursts whenever they are unable to deal with their personal problems. Others may mimic abusive behavior that they observe at home.  

But moving forward, the psychologist said children must be taught how to control their impulses and learn the consequences of their behavior.

“I think it’s important to make the child recognize the impact of their actions, to help the child see the outcome or repercussions of their behavior,” she said. 

Offenders also need support and guidance. UNICEF said that adults must administer discipline that is “immediate, non-violent, and focused on correcting the behavior” so that children don’t think that their actions don’t have consequences.

It also advises parents to collaborate with schools and arrange meetings with counselors if their child engages in bullying.

‘It takes a village’

Dealing with bullying is not just a student’s responsibility. For Ubalde, many people play different roles in various bullying cases — this includes teachers, parents, and even bystanders.

Although their support is crucial, the psychologist said that parents should not hesitate to ask others for help when dealing with bullying.

“It’s taking that time and energy to actually consult. It could help if there are others who can provide different perspectives, especially from someone who is trained in psychological and mental health support,” she said.

“It takes a village to raise a child,” Ubalde added. — Rappler.com

Quotes were translated to English for brevity.