I cheated on a paternity test to save my relationship, now I need to know the truth
DEAR DEIDRE: REGRETFULLY, I cheated on a paternity test to save my relationship. But now I want to know if I’m a dad.
I’m 26. A few years ago, I had a brief relationship with a woman who I met at a party.
After that ended, I tried online dating and met my perfect woman.
She was sexy, bubbly and funny, and made it clear that she loved my lack of “emotional baggage”. She said she’d never date a man with kids.
Everything was great. We’d just got engaged when my ex got back in touch and dropped a bombshell: she’d had a baby boy nine months after we split.
She thought I was the father and wanted me to take a paternity test.
I panicked and got my best mate to do the cheek swab instead of me, so it wouldn’t be a match with the baby.
My plan was to keep it a secret but I ended up confessing all to my fiancee.
She was furious at first but then said I’d done the right thing. She told me to keep it a secret.
I can’t stop thinking about my son. My friends and family would be horrified if they found out what I’d done.
But if I do a second test and it reveals that I’m the dad, I’m worried my fiancee will leave me.
I don’t know what to do.
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DEIDRE SAYS: You were so dazzled by your fiancee that you were willing to risk anything, even a possible relationship with your son, to keep her around.
But every child deserves two loving parents.
Your friends and family might be horrified to hear that you cheated on the first test.
But would that be worse than missing out on an entire lifetime with your child?
If you think you might be the father, explain to your fiancee that you’re actually not willing to shirk your responsibilities.
She might not want a man with children but that doesn’t mean you can both pretend that this one doesn’t exist.
Then contact your ex and ask to take a second test.
If you really are the dad, you can work with your ex to set up child maintenance and visitation.
If you’re not, then at least you’ll know for sure and you can finally stop wondering about it.
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