Here’s what a theater lover thinks about the ‘Wicked’ film

Somewhere over the rainbow there exists a magnificent movie version of Gregory McGuire’s 1995 wonderfully revisionist, not to mention delightfully feminist, fantasy novel “Wicked.”

Alas, Jon M. Chu’s big, bland, and bloated journey through the glittering land of Oz is not it, my pretties. The two-part, $320 million film adaptation thoroughly lacks the pluck and spirit of the blockbuster Broadway musical, which made its debut in San Francisco in 2003. As a longtime theater critic, I hate to pour a bucket of water on this almost-three-hour movie adaptation. But despite its undeniable star power. this empty-headed screen adaptation melts in the imagination.

Pop singer Ariana Grande does indeed sparkle as Galinda, the soon-to-be Good Witch, and she’s certainly a superb hair flipper, but she lacks sassiness and there’s zilch chemistry between her and the green goddess Elphaba (Cynthia Erivo) as two college frenemies who grow into the mythical witches of lore. Erivo is suitably likable as the hated Elphaba but there’s no sign of a formidable power lurking within. A lot of the plucky numbers sputter.

Grande’s cutie-pie wardrobe is a real stunner, a cheeky cross between Elle Woods style and Barbie couture that fills you with an inexplicable and deep yearning to wear more pink. For all the film’s weaknesses, Paul Tazewell’s gorgeous costumes are so sharply on point they draw blood. Let’s not even talk about Glinda’s obsession-worthy assortment of shoes.

The feminism may fall flat here but the fashion truly soars to new heights. Many a stocking will surely be stuffed with “Wicked” bling this Christmas.

For the record, the campy cameo spotlighting Kristin Chenoweth and Idina Menzel, the original marquee stars, only serves to remind us how much their deeply-felt camaraderie buoyed the musical back in the day. Those two Broadway divas had a visceral girl-power vibe that almost made you jealous of their BFF bond, onstage and off. Their buoyant chemistry is much missed here.

It should be noted that this Fiyero, the delish Jonathan Bailey, of “Bridgerton” fame,” looks as dashing as ever astride a horse and that’s no small delight. Bailey also seems more adept with a song and dance number than some of the other stars here. He imbues “Dancing through Life” with an elan and effortlessness that makes some of the other musical interludes, such as pithy hit “Popular,” come off as a tad forced. The labyrinthian revolving library set (production designer Nathan Crowley outdoes himself), which takes a page from the Hogwarts aesthetic, is also a dazzler.

Sadly, however, the stalwart Michelle Yeoh, who seems like such inspired casting as Madame Morrible, the haughty headmistress of Shiz University, gets thoroughly overshadowed here and the estimable Jeff Goldblum, who should be stealing the show, as the suitably smarmy snake oil peddler turned politician, his wonderful Ozness himself, doesn’t have that much to do in the lumbering part one. Chu seems to be going for a sense of existential ennui when a good old-fashioned shake-the-rafters mood would be more fitting.

It’s also unfortunate that the sluggish pacing undercuts the cautionary tale here. Look past the flying monkeys and malapropisms and there is a chilling warning about the danger of charlatans who seize political power by stoking bigotry and eroding civil rights until all but the bravest are scared into silence. L. Frank Baum’s classic 1900 fable has sharper special and political resonance now than ever before. Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain, indeed.

Perhaps the movie would cast a more bewitching spell if it weren’t dragged out into two parts. The first installment ends just as Elphaba is coming into her power, in a duly high-flying “Defying Gravity” interlude, and before any real romance can blossom.

Stretching out the Broadway narrative to twice its length, while adding no discernible depth,  casts the film’s flaws into high relief. The irresistible pacing and tempo that powered the stage musical have all but vanished. Die-hard “Wicked” fans may not mind but casual YA fantasy fans, like my 14-year-old, may well miss what all the fuss is about.

To be sure, the real magic here comes from the marvelous special effects. Chu, deservedly beloved for “Crazy Rich Asians,” creates a glittering visual fantasia that delights the eye, from the splashy underwater wonders of the ballroom to the glittering turrets of Emerald City, but often leaves the heart and mind rather bored.

Lest you think I’m far too jaded to judge this “Wicked” because I’m old enough to remember the 2003 world premiere, suffice to say my kiddo was also less than impressed by the cinematic spectacle and has informed me that she will not be accompanying me for Part 2. I’ll have to ease on down the road without her.

Contact Karen D’Souza at karenpdsouza@yahoo.com.