I installed a secret camera in my home to catch my husband drinking
DEAR DEIDRE: INSTALLING a secret camera in my home proved what I’d suspected: my husband is an alcoholic who has been secretly drinking.
I’m so worried about him and the effects on his health, as well as on our marriage. What should I do?
I’m 52 and my husband is 54. We have two grown-up children.
He’s always drunk too much and we’ve argued about it.
But recently, things have really come to a head. He hasn’t been able to keep an erection – which he says is just because he’s getting older – and he’s often moody and irritable.
Outwardly, he appears to have cut down on drinking. He’s stopped having a bottle of wine with dinner and is going to the pub less.
But because of his behaviour, something didn’t ring true.
So I put a camera up in the living room. When I watched the footage, I saw that whenever I was out, he was taking vodka from the drinks cabinet and filling up water bottles with it.
I found a water bottle at the back of the fridge. When I sipped it, it tasted like alcohol.
I also found empty wine and spirits bottles at the bottom of the outside bin.
He’s clearly drinking during the day, when he’s alone.
I’m scared to confront him about this, as I don’t know how he’ll react, especially as he’ll see the camera as a huge breach of trust.
I know he needs help but he’s in denial.
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DEIDRE SAYS: Your husband clearly does have a big problem with alcohol. He’s risking his health and it’s having a detrimental effect on your relationship.
Drinking too much does cause erection problems. You need to tell him what you know. Even if you don’t admit to installing the camera, you can say you found the bottles and are very worried.
If you’re scared he’ll react badly, perhaps do this with a trusted friend present.
You can’t stop him drinking. He needs to realise he has a problem and admit to it.
Try to persuade him to go to the doctor.
The information in my support pack, Dealing with a Problem Drinker, should help.
You can also contact two organisations which help family members affected by someone else’s drinking: Adfam (adam.org.uk) and Al-Anon (al-anonuk.org.uk, tel: 020 7403 0888), as you need support.
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