My biggest turn-on is thought of my husband having sex with another woman
DEAR DEIDRE: MY partner talks dirty to me and uses other women’s names when we have sex, at my request.
He does it to please me because one of my fantasies is to see him sleeping with other women.
I’m not sure why but the thought of seeing him enjoying another woman’s body with my permission is a huge turn-on.
I’ve heard of men wanting to watch their wives with men, but not the other way around.
We have been together for 21 years and I’ve always looked to spice things up.
I’ve had several affairs and am currently sexting and exchanging explicit videos with a man who lives down my street.
It’s only a matter of time before our relationship becomes a full-blown affair. I’m 43 and my partner is 45.
I don’t think he has cheated and he doesn’t know that I have.
Shouldn’t I have settled down by now? Why am I always looking for dangerous encounters?
And is it weird that I want my partner to pretend that I’m someone else?
To begin with he refused my request, but when I persuaded him to picture other women he was attracted to, he got into it.
He started calling me Margot because he has a real thing for Margot Robbie, and moved on to Emily (model, Emily Ratajkowski is another of his crushes).
More recently, he started calling me the names of women we know.
So far he’s stuck to friends of friends and I’m not sure how I’ll feel if he gets closer to home but I haven’t felt jealousy as yet.
I was sexually abused by a family member in my early teens, has this caused my warped approach to sex?
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: It is true that being cuckolded (when a man gets sexual pleasure from his wife cheating with another man), is a well- known male fantasy, but you are not the only woman to enjoy the thought of their partner with another woman.
For some, this is about feeling powerful, giving their partner the permission to do something so illicit, for others, it is about seeing their partner as more desirable, because it shows other women want him too.
Your multiple affairs and constant quest for dangerous sex suggests that you are looking for affirmation and confuse love with sex.
You tell me you were abused and this could be behind your impulsive sex drive and search for, as you see it, “dirty” sex.
It’s never too late to get help for the abuse you went through. Read my support pack Abused As A Child.
Please talk through your concerns with a sex and relationship counsellor, either alone or with your partner. You can arrange this through cosrt.org.uk.
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