Dear Abby: Wife's high volume of clutter is making man anxious
DEAR ABBY: My wife and I are in our 80s, married for 61 years. We are financially well-off and have few medical issues. As we approach our departure from this Earth, we've created the necessary legal documents to distribute our assets. So, what's the problem? My spouse is a "collector." We have several wonderful china settings, sterling silver and beautiful linens. At one time, we set a beautiful table.
Today, old age has caught up with us. Most of those invitees are gone. But my spouse and I are living like we did 50 years ago, and it's getting on my nerves. Nobody wants our stuff! It's time to divest ourselves of possessions that somebody else might have an interest in and get them off our hands. My spouse refuses to part with ANYTHING. There's always an excuse to keep the clutter.
I saw this in my parents decades ago. If it came in the front door, it didn't go out again. Why are people so addicted to things, and what can be done to alleviate my anxiety? — READY TO LET GO IN SAN FRANCISCO
DEAR READY: Consider this: Every piece of china and crystal, every pattern of silverware and all the accessories that people used to think were necessary to create a beautiful home (and life), have treasured memories attached. Where you see clutter, your wife sees the happy years spent acquiring it and entertaining.
Because these items are no longer being used, they could be boxed up "just in case" they are needed again. Photograph them so you have a record of what they are, and discuss with your wife possibly donating them to a charity thrift store. While you are correct that young people today aren't as avid about formal entertaining as members of your generation were, there are still people around who recognize quality and value who might be interested in having some of it.
As to your anxiety, discuss this with your doctor and, if necessary, ask for a referral to a therapist for some counseling.
DEAR ABBY: I have a wonderful, intelligent 19-year-old daughter. She's a junior in college in another city. She has always been extremely thin. We have taken her to doctors to address this. They discovered a vitamin deficiency and suggested she eat more nutritious foods with vitamins prescribed.
My question is, is it OK to push foods on her after her barely eaten meals? She gets full immediately and doesn't always take her vitamins. I don't want her to distance herself from me by insisting she eat more. — MOTHERING MOTHER IN TEXAS
DEAR MOTHER: I do not recommend that you "push" foods on your daughter. If you do, it may cause her to rebel. I do, however, think it might be a good idea for you to do some research about eating disorders, because your daughter may have one.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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