Everything is falling apart but air miles Keir is above it all – his relentless globetrotting is a waste of time
IS Sir Keir Starmer running the Government or having a gap year?
“Starmer always seems to be abroad,” says Luke Tryl of the polling firm More In Common.
Yes, the British people have started to notice.
If Taylor Swift is not in town or Arsenal are playing away, we hardly ever see the guy.
In his first five months in office, the Prime Minister has been out of the country for 26 days — five working weeks.
All PMs eventually come to prefer the easy life of preening on the world stage rather than wrestling with the problems of home.
But Starmer seems to have entered office with a preference for getting away from it all.
The Prime Minister’s presence was obligatory on a couple of his 15 taxpayer- funded trips, like July’s Nato summit in Washington and this month’s G2O summit in Rio.
But most of Starmer’s relentless globetrotting seems laughably unnecessary.
He attended COP29, the meaningless green gab fest in Baku, Azerbaijan, while the leaders of the US, China, India and France all gave it a miss (although the Taliban turned up).
In July, Starmer was in Germany to watch England in the final of Euro 2024.
He flew to Paris to watch both the opening ceremony of the Olympics and then again for the Paralympics.
There have been foreign jaunts to meet leaders in Germany, Italy, Ireland and the US.
In October, Starmer flew to Brussels to meet the President of the European Commission, Ursula von der Leyen, and promised “regular visits”.
And if it truly felt like Starmer was carving out a dynamic new role for our country post-Brexit and pre-Trump: The Sequel, then all this expensive, time-consuming, carbon-emission-puking travel would seem worthwhile.
But most of it feels like a waste of time.
Why jet off to hang out with Germany’s Olaf Scholz, Canada’s Justin Trudeau and America’s Joe Biden when they are all about to become yesterday’s men?
One week before his Government-defining Budget, Starmer was on a 27-hour flight to Samoa to listen to Commonwealth heads of government demanding reparations for slavery.
King Charles was in Samoa and the monarch’s presence was the only one that counted.
Starmer seems detached from reality.
On the very same day Russia’s Vladmir Putin was threatening nuclear Armageddon, his Labour Government announced massive cuts to our defence budget.
Tax-famished socialists
Even as our farmers were marching on Westminster, Starmer was flashing his gormless grin as he kicked a football around with kiddies in Brazil.
Of all the tributes paid to Labour giant John Prescott after his death at the age of 86, the one that resonated was paid by Gordon Brown.
“He wanted the good things in life for everyone and not just himself,” Brown said of Prescott, and seemed to define New Labour’s aspirational, optimistic, hopeful appeal.
Does anyone doubt that Starmer’s Government are the exact opposite of New Labour?
Elected as moderates, they rule like old-fashioned tax-famished socialists who know nothing about earning a living in the real world.
Inflation is rising.
Employers wonder how many staff they must let go.
Pensioners can’t afford to turn on their heating.
Farmers don’t know if they have a future.
Discontent is everywhere, and real winter is kicking in.
No wonder Starmer prefers to be above it all at 35,000ft, tucked up in a fabulous first-class flatbed, knowing that somebody else has paid for it.
Jake or Mike? Chris packs a bigger punch
GREAT fight last weekend.
No, not Jake Paul versus Mike Tyson. That was not great. And it was not even a fight.
But 24 hours after the tedium in Texas, Chris Billam-Smith of Bournemouth battled Gilberto “Zurdo” Ramirez of Mexico in Riyadh for the cruiserweight championship of the world.
And it was the fight of the year.
The two men gave everything.
Billam-Smith lost for only the second time in his career but can be proud of himself.
The only shame is that it wasn’t watched by the millions who saw Jake Paul and Mike Tyson practising their ponderous American Smooth on Netflix.
Best-case scenario – youngsters who are being introduced to boxing by Jake Paul eventually seek out real boxing, such as the bout between Billam-Smith and Ramirez.
And the irony is – if they saw what the real deal looks like, they would never want to watch a Jake Paul fight again.
Aid was on the money
IN these sensitive times, Band Aid’s Do They Know It’s Christmas? was destined to run into controversy.
Ed Sheeran did not want his voice to be included on the 40th anniversary megamix, using samples from the 1984, 2004 and 2014 versions, because he now believes the pop song reinforces negative African stereotypes.
Ed is friends with singer Fuse ODG, who says it “dehumanises Africans and destroys our pride and identity in the name of ‘charity’.”
Fuse ODG – real name Nana Richard Abiona – is of Ghanian descent.
“There was one crisis in one country, but it painted a whole image of Africa,” he told Good Morning Britain.
He makes a fair point. But too harshly.
Band Aid and Live Aid were a direct response to real famine.
Bob Geldof tried to do something about it.
The millions the project has raised since the mid-Eighties kept hundreds of thousands of people alive.
Band Aid has probably had its day.
But Do They Know It’s Christmas? – a question that sounded patronising even back in 1984 – did infinitely more good than harm.
An own goal
THEY’RE coming home, they’re home – the ungrateful buggers are coming home.
England stars Jude Bellingham and Jack Grealish effusively thank departing interim manager Lee Carsley.
“Got my smile back,” sighed Jude. “Thank you for bringing back the enjoyment in an England shirt,” fluttered Jack.
The compliments are seen as a dig at the old England manager.
But Gareth Southgate took England to two Euros finals and a World Cup semi-final.
He was the most successful England manager since Sir Alf Ramsey.
Carping about him is dead wrong.
To better Southgate’s record, an England boss will have to do more than give our superstars a warm feeling inside.
He will have to actually win something.
Movie’s real-ly great
RIDLEY SCOTT’S Gladiator II has been savaged by historical nit-pickers.
Sharks in the Colosseum?
It did not happen (although the Romans did sometimes flood the arena for some bloody water sport fun).
Denzel Washington’s Macrinus drinking a cup of coffee and reading a newspaper?
A thousand years too soon. Paul Mescal’s Lucius having a torso stylishly free of body hair? No, no, no.
Fred Hechinger plays batty Emperor Caracella as a sneering, ancient- world Johnny Rotten, driven mad by syphilis.
Syphilis? Not until Europe’s great pox epidemic of 1495, sniff sour-faced historians.
But critics of Gladiator II miss the point.
The first Gladiator is one of the most beloved films of all time.
Gladiator II is Ridley Scott’s full-blooded attempt to capture some of that old strength-and-honour magic.
Are we not entertained? Indeed, we are.
As for Paul Mescal’s fashionably hair-free body, let’s pretend our favourite gladiator just returned from the Sackus, Backus and Crackus beauty parlour.
Eva on the edge
EVA LONGORIA, the Desperate Housewife and Democrat activist, says that the US has become a “a scary place” since Donald Trump started dusting down his collection of red ties for a second term as President.
But in Europe this week a murderous, dead-eyed dictator in Moscow was ramping up his threats of nuclear Armageddon.
Now, that is what I would call scary, Eva.
Gay for the stay
A RECORD number of asylum seekers have been allowed to stay in the UK after claiming to be gay.
Last year 2,133 asylum applications were granted on the basis of sexual orientation, a rise from the 762 in 2022 and 677 in 2021.
Forty-nine per cent of applicants from Uganda claimed to be gay.
A cynic might suggest that the system is just possibly being gamed.
For example, last year Saheed Azeez, a 33-year-old Nigerian, was allowed to stay in the UK because he is gay.
After moving to Wigan, Azeez fathered three children by three different women.
But I am not sure how anyone can doubt Azeez is gay.
Because nobody can deny that he has given being straight a bloody good try.