A man started a new relationship while married to his wife with Alzheimer's. He shared how they're making it work.
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- Townsend Davis and his wife had been married for 10 years when she was diagnosed with Alzheimer's.
- He told The New York Time's Modern Love podcast he started a relationship while caring for his wife.
- Davis said his new partner felt like an interloper at first, but now the "unorthodoxy" is normal.
Townsend Davis, who lives in Brooklyn, New York, and his wife Bridget had been married for a decade when she was diagnosed with early-onset Alzheimer's in June 2015.
She was 51, Davis told The New York Times Modern Love podcast.
Nearly 10 years after the diagnosis, Davis started a new relationship with another woman while still caring for his wife. Now, the three of them are navigating an unorthodox life together.
Early signs of memory loss
Davis first noticed something was off in 2013 when Bridget, who was typically organized, started having trouble managing her calendar.
He told the podcast she missed appointments or forgot playdates for their two kids. Her cognition continued to deteriorate and she was diagnosed with early on-set Alzheimer's in 2015.
Alzheimer's is a progressive disorder that affects a person's memory, thinking, and behavior. Around one in nine Americans over 65 live with the condition, but cases in people under 60 are rare.
Around 200,000 Americans are estimated to have early-onset dementia, according to a 2024 report from the Alzheimer's Assocation.
By May 2022, Davis said Bridget confused him for their female housekeeper. "She was not seeing me as her husband," Davis told the podcast.
Shortly after Bridget was diagnosed, she told Davis she wanted him to meet someone else.
He never considered it until he met Deb seven years later.
Seven years into Bridget's diagnosis, Davis met someone
When Davis met Deb, a friend of a friend, he told her that he wasn't dating, although he was lonely.
He told the podcast he was still living with Bridget, but she needed full-time carers who came to the house day and night.
Deb and Davis started hanging out as friends and texting. "I was like, 'Wow, this is fun.' I forgot what this feels like," Davis said.
After a couple of months of "non-dating dating," Davis and Deb's relationship became romantic.
Davis felt "alive and electrified" by the new relationship and said caring for Bridget and dating Deb at the same time was easier than he'd thought.
Davis told the podcast, "I can still do her pillbox. I can still talk to her. I can still hold her hand, do all the things that we do. And I was like, maybe this can work."
Three months later, he told Bridget that he had a new partner but would stay married to her and look after her "until the end."
He said he was unsure if she fully understood but responded, "I think that's a good idea."
Deb found their relationship hard at times
That year, Davis brought Deb to the family Thanksgiving. Bridget was there with her carer and their two sons, William and Teddy. Deb told Davis afterward that she felt like "an interloper."
"She just had these feelings of trespassing on our family tradition," he said. Deb had said she was OK with not getting married, but after Thanksgiving, she admitted the situation was difficult, and their romance felt limited.
"I tried to reassure her," Davis said.
All 3 adults plan to live in the same apartment building
Since that dinner, Bridget and Deb have spent more time together, and their unusual setup seems to be working. "That lack of orthodoxy seems to be something that is very routine for us," Davis said.
Bridget now lives in an apartment in the same building as Davis, who lives in their original place. Davis said that while Deb helped move Bridget, his wife told his new girlfriend she was "a good person."
Davis told the podcast that Deb plans to move in with him after they renovate the apartment to make it feel like a new home.
"I can't imagine my life without either of them, really, at this point," Davis said.