Taste-Off: The best supermarket eggnogs — and the odd-nogs to avoid

Eggs, milk, sugar and spice are all nice ingredients, but they’re oh-so-much better blended together in a dreamy eggnog, a drink so rich that it’s literally dessert in a glass. Whether you drink it cold or hot, straight up or with a splash of booze, eggnog is pure decadence.

Sure, the world is full of eggnog haters who shudder at the mere idea of the drink. But for much of the world, eggnog is a traditional favorite, a holiday libation that’s been served for centuries — with or without a splash of spirits.

Eggnog deliciousness comes in cartons, jugs and bottles, each with a distinctive combination of flavors and textures. Some have a huge smack of spice; others seem to have none at all. Extra rich versions often include cream. Viscous ones incorporate several different kinds of thickeners. And some sweet picks list sugar content as high as 22 grams — 5½ teaspoons — per 1/2 cup.

Readers, no need to reach for your “food police” badges. We are fully aware that eggnog sits well outside the category of healthy. It delivers protein and calcium, but it’s loaded with sugar and fat, which is likely why it’s a seasonal indulgence produced only a few short weeks of the year.

So if you’re going to indulge, make sure that eggnog is worth the dietary splurge. The good stuff combines a delicious hit of cream and spice in a rich, velvety liquid that’s akin to melted ice cream. Every drip is so sumptuous and silky, it’s hard to resist licking the glass.

Bad eggnog is crazy sweet, and it’s often strangely thick, with odd or fake flavoring.

Here are details on the most luscious versions of classic eggnog — and the odd-nogs to avoid. Nutrition information refers to ½ cup. (And if you’re a fan of eggnog, but dairy doesn’t work for you, our next column tastes through a non-dairy lineup that includes nogs made with oats, almond, soy and coconut milk.)

Bud’s Ice Cream of San Francisco Egg Nog

Anticipation bumps this brand up the line, and a single sip seals it. This is eggnog as it is meant to be. It tastes like top quality ice cream melted in a cup. The jolt of sugar is balanced by lots of fresh nutmeg and vanilla. 230 calorie, 13 g fat, 115 mg sodium, 22 g sugar, 5 g protein. $6.49 for a quart at Safeway. (4 stars)

Organic Valley Reduced Fat Eggnog

Flecks of nutmeg stirred into the mix transform this blend of milk, cream and egg yolks into a delicious pour. It’s hard to believe it’s a reduced-fat version.150 calories, 6 g fat, 65 mg sodium, 17 g sugar, 5 g protein. $6.49 for a quart at Whole Foods. (3½ stars)

Straus Family Creamery Organic Eggnog

Those who like their eggnog clean and less viscous will appreciate this fresh, minimally sweet, cream-forward nog. Be sure to shake well, as the nutmeg settles at the bottom of the bottle. 150 calories, 8 g fat, 40 mg sodium, 13 g sugar, 5 g protein. $7.49 for a quart plus $2.50 bottle deposit at Raley’s. (3½ stars)

Darigold Classic Eggnog

This brand embraces the expected flavor and texture of store-bought eggnog. It’s bright yellow thanks to turmeric and annatto, decidedly sweet and has a hint of spice. This is supermarket-style eggnog done well. 170 calories, 9 g fat, 90 mg sodium, 19 g sugar, 4 g protein. $7.99 for 59 ounces at Safeway. (3 stars)

Southern Comfort Traditional Egg Nog

Velvety texture and a hint of boozy flavoring make this a welcome treat, but a double-dose of corn syrup kills the flavor of the cream. 190 calories, 9 g fat, 95 mg sodium, 19 g sugar, 4 g protein. $4.99 for a quart at Safeway. (2½ stars)

Clover Sonoma Eggnog

More spice and less sugar would fix this fresh, milk-forward nog. It’s OK as-is, but could easily be improved. 160 calories, 7 g fat, 85 mg sodium, 19 g sugar, 4 g protein. $5.49 for a quart at Whole Foods. (2 stars)

Alexandre Family Farm A2/A2 Homegrown Eggnog

Kudos for making an eggnog for those who can’t tolerate milk, but this recipe needs work. The spice is understated and overpowered by the unpleasant aroma and flavor of egg yolk. 190 calories, 13 g fat, 45 mg sodium, 13 g sugar, 4 g protein. $9.99 for 28 ounces at Whole Foods. (2 stars)

Producers Premium Old Fashioned Eggnog

Too much sugar and an overwhelming dose of nutmeg make this unbalanced drink less enjoyable than the top-rated nogs. This would be best used in a recipe, such as bread pudding, or cut with milk for a healthier drink. 190 calories, 8 g fat, 110 mg sodium, 21 g sugar, 6 g protein. $4.29 for a quart at Raley’s. (1½ stars)

Kalona SuperNatural Organic Eggnog

If eggnog is what you want, this is not it. It’s fresh, but it pours like milk and tastes like a blend of maple and rum. 210 calories, 15 g fat, 45 mg sodium, 15 g sugar, 4 g sugar. $5.39 for a quart on sale at Whole Foods. (1½ stars)

Bolthouse Farms Holiday Nog

This thin, flat-flavored nog is lacking every which way. An ingredient list that includes “exhausted vanilla bean materials” may explain why. 90 calories, 1.5 g fat, 70 mg sodium, 13 g sugar, 4 g protein. $7.99 for 52 ounces at Raley’s. (1 star)

Lucerne Limited Edition Eggnog

Liquid sugar with a trace of egg and cream are simply not enough to earn the eggnog label on this sad drink. 180 calories, 8 g fat, 80 mg sodium, 20 g sugar, 6 g protein. $3.99 for a quart at Safeway. (½ a star)

Good & Gather Egg Nog

If this is the only brand available, switch to chocolate milk. Fake flavors and far too much sugar make this a very sad nog. 180 calories, 9 g fat, 110 mg sodium, 20 g sugar, 5 g protein. $3.49 for a quart at Target. (No stars)

Reviews are based on product samples purchased by this newspaper or provided by manufacturers. Contact Jolene Thym at timespickyeater@gmail.com. Read more Taste-off columns at www.mercurynews.com/tag/taste-off.