Harriette Cole: I think my friend should go to the police, but she says she’s scared
DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a close friend who has suffered a traumatic experience — she was molested by her uncle.
Understandably, she is frightened to talk about it and feels hesitant to press charges against him.
This fear and trauma have left her feeling isolated and unsure of how to seek help. I want to support her and help her find the courage to speak out and take action against her abuser. I also want to provide her with a safe space to share her feelings.
What can I do to encourage her to confront this issue and seek the help she needs to heal and reclaim her life?
— Silent Trauma
DEAR SILENT TRAUMA: Don’t try to force your friend to go to the police. Hopefully she will do that in time. Instead, encourage her to write down her experience in detail so that she has a record of it and can unload it from her spirit.
Since the abuser was her uncle, she probably needs to tell an adult in the family who can help protect her against this man. Ask her who she feels closest to who may be able to help her discreetly. Who will understand and will want to protect her? That’s something important for her to think about, as it is not always someone obvious.
Some family members choose to bury their heads in the sand and blame the victim rather than the offender. She should consider carefully who her confidant will be and then talk to that person about the situation and ask for help.
Keeping this experience to herself is unhealthy. She needs to process her feelings and find a way to feel safe. Perhaps after she confides in someone (and with your support), she will find the courage to report this crime to local authorities.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a 16-year-old sister who is currently facing the challenges of being a high school student.
With the pressure to excel academically and socially, she often feels overwhelmed and stressed, striving to meet the high expectations set by herself and others. I’ve noticed that this stress sometimes manifests as anxiety and mood swings, which can be difficult for her to manage.
What can we possibly do to help her so that she doesn’t feel stressed out in school and in life?
— Academic Anxieties
DEAR ACADEMIC ANXIETIES: If there is a school counselor with whom she can talk, that would be great. Being able to express her fears and concerns to a neutral party can help her understand her feelings and manage them.
Your parents may also want to get her a private therapist who can support her during this time. What’s key is having a professional she can trust to help her navigate what she’s experiencing.
Another great stress reducer is physical activity. What does she do to exercise her body? As her sister, perhaps you can invite her to do something active together, or encourage her to join a club at her school like a walking or running group, cheering or anything that gets her body moving.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.