Goat Simulator: Remastered isn’t made for us so we asked a child to review it instead
WE first experienced Goat Simulator a decade ago, and delighted in the quirky, open-world playground.
Developed to be intentionally janky, it’s the way you can explore freely, try out different things, and squeal in excitement when they actually work.
Goat Simulator is part of the genre of absurdist humour, and fits perfectly in with the Skibidi Toilet generation.
As a group of 30-something adults, we realise that we aren’t the target audience for Goat Simulator: Remastered, so we gave it to someone it was designed for.
Our editor’s nine-year-old child enthusiastically signed up to review the remaster as the person we know with the most Goat Sim experience.
GLHF’s reviewer wasn’t even born when the original Goat Simulator was released, but that hasn’t stopped him from playing plenty of it, and its sequel Goat Simulator 3.
His favourite part of the world is on top of a skyscraper, where DJ Deadmau5 plays a set for a group of partygoers.
He tells us: “The Deadmau5 music is different but it’s still a bop.” And then he licks a guy on the bum and drags him off the roof.
Our young prodigy is happy to tell us the secrets of his favourite area, that we never discovered ourselves.
He says: “In the party zone, there’s a toaster and if you headbutt it, it spits out toast and the toast tries to run away.
“Chase it down, lick it, and put it back in the toaster and you get the I Am Bread mutator. It’s funny because you’re the bread and you roll instead of walking.”
It’s this kind of absurdity, and weird secrets that are the hallmarks of the Goat Simulator series, and they remain in the remaster in full force.
However, there are a number of new features in Goat Simulator: Remastered, including new goats and mutators, as well as all of the DLC.
Our reviewer notes: “Waste of Space is the best because you get to go into space.
“And I Am Baguette is the best new mutator because it’s got French stuff on and it’s really funny.
“It’s got a French hat and moustache since baguettes are from France.”
Graphics mean a lot to someone this young, and our Goat Sim veteran is pleased with the changes.
He says: “The graphics are amazing. Pilgor looks more detailed, but her old model is still nostalgic.
“I like Goat City Bay because the new sunset looks really nice. I accidentally hit a gas canister and it sent me flying.”
Confidently giving Goat Simulator: Remastered a 10/10 it seems to be a hit with its target audience.
If you want to read more reviews, check out our Slitterhead review.
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