I can’t stop having sex, watching porn and masturbating – it’s not sexy or fun & ruined my marriage, but I can’t help it
A WOMAN has revealed that she can’t stop having sex, watching porn and masturbating.
But she explained that she can’t help it, because she is a sex addict.
Whilst she confessed that some people will think her addiction is hot, sexy and fun, she admitted that it ruined her marriage.
Keen to share her story, the anonymous woman took to social media to reveal all, leaving many open-mouthed.
Posting on Reddit, on the r/TrueOffMyChest thread under the username @justtofindsomehelp, the woman titled her post ‘I am a female sex addict and it is not hot, sexy and least of all fun.’
She then explained: “It’s an addiction mostly associated with men, right? Creepy dudes who blow their life savings in massage parlours or husbands who risk their marriage and family for hookers or students.
“The guy with the massive porn collection who has to “use the bathroom” four times a day at work, it’s so compulsive.
“I’m not saying any of that is fun for a real life man dealing with a behaviour he can’t seem to manage or downplaying that, I’m just pointing out the stereotype.
“When you do see anything about a female sex addict it’s portrayed as hot and desirable. Finally a woman who can keep up with the male sex drive!
“A woman with an insatiable sexual appetite is highly appealing to most men, and some women. Just FYI, this is not always the defining “symptom” of sex addiction.
“But there is a flip side to that. When a male addict is exposed as a sex addict, sure he faves consequences and may get labelled as a s****g but there is still a little of the “boys will be boys” pass.
“If he goes into recovery and turns his life around he can possibly salvage his reputation.”
But despite this, she confessed that female sex addicts are often shamed, as she added: “But a female sex addict who is facing whatever life consequences came about due to the same addiction is a slut, a whore, has daddy issues, not anyone to bring home to mum.
“Women don’t get a “girls will be girls” pass.Try as we might to get things to a level of equality, we are far from it around women and sexuality.
“Female sex addicts don’t exactly post pics of their sobriety chips on Insta.
It’s not just sex. It’s porn. It’s constant fantasising. Masturbation. Compulsive masturbation. Relationship addiction. Obsession
Reddit poster
“In some cases they are prey for manipulative guys to use. Not always but frequently. But isn’t that exactly what a female sex addict would desire? Fulfil a fantasy to be used? Maybe. “On the surface. For the record, some perfectly sexually healthy women do like it, and find healthy ways to do it. That’s ok.
“But the key word there is healthy and as the term addict implies the behaviour isn’t at a healthy level. It brings up feelings of shame later.”
Not only this, but the Reddit user shared the feelings of ‘shame’ that arise as a result of addiction, as she continued: “Addicts do not do well with shame and will numb it with whatever works, which in turn causes more shame to numb.
“You can see how this becomes a problem. You slowly start to lose control. You build a tolerance to the things that worked to numb and something riskier has to now take its place. Up your dose so to speak. It is far from “hot”.
Dealing with sex addiction
IF you, or someone you know, is dealing with a sex addiction, here's everything you need to know...
Seek Professional Help: Consulting a therapist who specialises in sexual addiction can be very beneficial. Cognitive-behavioural therapy (CBT) and other therapeutic approaches can help address underlying issues and develop healthier coping mechanisms.
Join Support Groups: Connecting with others who are experiencing similar challenges can provide support and understanding. Groups such as Sex Addicts Anonymous (SAA) offer a safe space to share experiences and gain insights.
Set Boundaries: Establish clear boundaries to avoid triggers and situations that may lead to addictive behaviours. This might include limiting internet usage, avoiding certain places, or ending unhealthy relationships.
Develop Healthy Habits: Engage in activities that promote well-being and fulfilment, such as exercise, hobbies, or volunteering. These can help redirect energy towards positive outlets.
Mindfulness and Stress Management: Practices such as mindfulness, meditation, and yoga can help manage stress and reduce the urge to engage in addictive behaviours.
Education: Learning about sex addiction can help you understand your condition better and recognise patterns and triggers. Knowledge is a powerful tool in managing addiction.
Accountability: Having a trusted friend or sponsor to check in with can provide accountability and support. This person can help you stay on track with your recovery goals.
Avoid Isolation: Isolation can exacerbate addictive behaviours. Try to maintain social connections and seek out healthy relationships that offer support and companionship.
Set Realistic Goals: Recovery is a journey and setting small, achievable goals can help you stay motivated and track your progress.
Medication: In some cases, medication may be prescribed to help manage symptoms of sex addiction, particularly if there are co-occurring mental health conditions such as depression or anxiety.
“It’s not just sex. It’s porn. It’s constant fantasising. Masturbation. Compulsive masturbation. Relationship addiction. Obsession. Power and conquest. Using drugs you’d never consider otherwise to enhance sex.
“And like a heroin addict, once these solutions work to satiate the unease, shame or trauma or whatever broke you in the past, the relief becomes top priority.
“You are aware you are missing out on your entire life but you cannot seem to stop it.
“The slightest hint of discomfort becomes unbearable and the need to make it stop completely takes over. People lose everything over it. It is not sexy.”
It’s not sexy or fun. It’s incredibly, incredibly lonely
Reddit poster
The anonymous woman also explained that as a result of her sexual desires, she is seen as a bad, unworthy person.
She admitted: “Patrick Carnes, the guru of sex addiction identifies these core beliefs, ideas that we hold to be true of ourselves, as: I’m basically a bad, unworthy person, no one would love me as I am, my needs are never going to be met if I have to depend on others, sex is my most important need.
“Now tie sex, relationships and even love to those statements and think about how incredibly sad they are.
“All the things humans crave and are wired to seek out and they are unattainable for the sex addict because they don’t believe they deserve the real kind and may not even recognise it if they see it.
“You keep doing things that don’t work but make you feel better for a minute. You never, ever feel real love or attachment, you don’t know how to ask for it and either act insane trying to get it or push it away.
“So you’re rejected and your core belief was confirmed once again. Repeat, repeat, repeat and escalate. Over and over.”
Which generation is having the most sex?
A new report has lifted the lid on bedroom antics.
The research, conducted by experts at Kinsey Institute at Indiana University, revealed the average number of times people of different generations have sex per month.
- Gen Z – three times a month
- Millennials – five times a month
- Gen X – five times a month
- Boomers – three times a month
And whilst some may believe a sex addiction to be “fun” or “sexy”, this woman explained that it’s actually incredibly isolating.
She expressed: “It’s not sexy or fun. It’s incredibly, incredibly lonely. After the thrill is gone and you have done things you are ashamed of, just to keep your soul numb, you now have to hide them at all costs.
“You become a fake front from so much deceit and unless you fix it, you’re even more alone than before. No one sees you for you and you resent them for it. But you won’t let them.
“Your reality is no longer yours and you don’t even want it because the damage control is exhausting. So you do what you know to feel better about it. And hate yourself for it.
“Despite being labelled as “not real” in articles on current events, it is very real. It devastates lives. People like me. And I am so alone.”
The anonymous woman later explained that she is currently having therapy to deal with her addiction, as she confessed: “I’m in therapy right now to try to heal those core beliefs I mentioned. For myself of course and for future partners as well.”
Reddit users react
Reddit users were left stunned by the woman’s confession and many flocked to the comments to share their thoughts.
One person said: “Thank you for taking the time to explain all of this. It’s not something I had ever thought about, and I appreciate your honesty and clarity.
There are therapies and medications available that can help you to cope with your addiction. You should not have to fight this battle alone
Reddit user
“I sincerely hope that there is help and support for you to make it easier.”
Another added: “You are worthy of love. You deserve respect, from yourself as well as others. You are being heard and it is clear that you have something of value to say, something to teach that is worth learning.
“It sounds like this addiction is a heavy burden to carry alone. Reaching out for support and understanding here is a great step toward easing that burden a bit, but I hope that you have or will reach out to a professional counsellor as well.
“There are therapies and medications available that can help you to cope with your addiction. You should not have to fight this battle alone.”
Help for mental health
If you, or anyone you know, needs help dealing with mental health problems, the following organisations provide support.
The following are free to contact and confidential:
- Samaritans, www.samaritans.org, 116 123, jo@samartiands.org.uk
- CALM (the leading movement against suicide in men) www.thecalmzone.net, 0800 585 858
- Papyrus (prevention of young suicide) www.papyrus-uk.org, 0800 068 41 41
- Shout (for support of all mental health) www.giveusashout.org/get-help/, text 85258 to start a conversation
Mind, www.mind.org, provide information about types of mental health problems and where to get help for them. Email info@mind.org.uk or call the infoline on 0300 123 3393 (UK landline calls are charged at local rates, and charges from mobile phones will vary).
YoungMinds run a free, confidential parents helpline on 0808 802 5544 for parents or carers worried about how a child or young person is feeling or behaving. The website has a chat option too.
Rethink Mental Illness, www.rethink.org, gives advice and information service offers practical advice on a wide range of topics such as The Mental Health Act, social care, welfare benefits, and carers rights. Use its website or call 0300 5000 927 (calls are charged at your local rate).
Heads Together, www.headstogether.org.uk, is the a mental health initiative spearheaded by The Royal Foundation of The Prince and Princess of Wales.
A third commented: “Very well written. I hope reddit does right by you and listens without throwing you any creepy messages.
“Hopefully this can be a place where you can be vulnerable without harassment.”
To this, the anonymous woman wrote back and replied: “I prepared for that before I posted. Not only creepy messages but also anger from spouses or partners that have been hurt by sex addicts.
“Drug addicts will steal money, but a sex addict can betray you in the most intimate way. Infidelity, which is absolutely traumatic.
“It’s hard not to carry anger around after experiencing it. My marriage ended that way, surprisingly enough, not by me. It was exquisitely painful.
“It hurts to be an addict but addicts hurt the ones that love them most.”