I gave birth alone after my baby’s dad died in his sleep aged 39 – he isn’t even on the birth certificate
A MUM has revealed that she was forced to give birth alone after her partner tragically died when he was just eight weeks pregnant – and she wasn’t even able to put him on the birth certificate.
Alex Leggatt, 28 had only just found out she was pregnant when her partner, Jody Murphy, 39, died suddenly in his sleep in December 2020.
She says she was having an “easy” pregnancy up until Jody’s death but struggled with morning sickness and weight loss in the months afterwards – while helping plan his funeral.
Her little boy, Malone, now three, asks why his daddy doesn’t pick him up from pre-school – as well as when he’s going to “come back from heaven”.
But Alex is unable to add Jody to Malone’s birth certificate – because she “can’t afford” to pay for a declaration of parentage which costs a minimum of £365.
Alex, a full-time mum from Boston, Lincolnshire, said: “It was clear as day – Jody really wanted to be a dad, he filled his flat with toys before his death.
“He wouldn’t have missed Malone’s birth for the world – that boy is his legacy.
“It’s been really hard raising Malone as a widowed mum – thinking about all the milestones Jody’s missing.”
Jody and Alex had known each other their whole lives – due to their families being close friends.
But it wasn’t until May 2020, when Jody left a 15 year relationship, that he asked Alex on a date.
Due to Covid restrictions, the pair could only sit in a McDonald’s car park and eat chicken nuggets for their first date – but Alex described it as “romantic”.
“McDonald’s had just reopened in Peterborough,” Alex said.
“We sat in the car and ate 20 McNuggets.
“Other days, we’d go out to the seaside – we were on-and-off for about two months until he finally asked me to be his girlfriend.”
Jody and Alex became a couple officially in August 2020 and, were together for three months.
Alex says, in that time, Jody was open about how much he wanted to have a baby.
Where to seek grief support
Need professional help with grief?
- Child Bereavement UK Childbereavementuk.org
- Cruse Bereavement Cruse.org.uk
- Relate Relate.org.uk
- The Good Grief Trust Thegoodgrieftrust.org
- You can also always speak to your GP if you’re struggling.
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“He was nearly 40 – and was adamant on wanting a baby,” Alex said.
“At first, I said I didn’t want to have any more children – but that quickly changed when I found out I was pregnant.”
On November 9, 2020, Alex found out she was four weeks pregnant – and Jody was “so happy” and rushed to ring his ‘Nanny’ May, 90, to tell her the news.
But just four weeks later, on December 6, Alex received some devastating news from Jody’s family.
She said: “I was at home in the morning and Jody’s friend rang me.
“She said: ‘Alex, Jody’s dead.’
“She told me he went to a mate’s house and he went to sleep and he died.
“I didn’t believe her – there was nothing wrong with him.
“And, to be honest, Jody was a hypochondriac – he’d have gone straight to hospital if he was ill.
“I walked to his house and his cousin came out – I said: ‘Is it true?’
“The police advised me not to go in, because of how he looked on the floor, and the fact that I was pregnant.
“But I managed to get in – I saw him there, and the last thing I remember was collapsing in screams.
“The next time I saw him was in a coffin, at his funeral.”
Alex says Jody’s family don’t want to distress her with details of his death, even three years on – but she believes he had an undiagnosed heart condition.
Alex says she felt Malone’s first kicks during the eulogies at Jody’s funeral.
She immediately turned to Jody’s mum, Theresa, 55, and let her feel.
They both found it “very upsetting – and devastating to be without Jody”.
Alex gave birth to Malone on her own, on July 3, 2021, at 5.40pm. He was born at the Pilgrim Hospital, Boston, and weighed 6lbs 3oz.
“Our families have been really supportive – but there wasn’t anyone with me when I gave birth to our son,” Alex said.
“I remember walking to Jody’s Nanny May’s house after the birth, holding Malone’s car seat.
“We both burst into tears.”
Three years on, Malone is aware Jody is in “heaven” – but still asks Alex when his dad will be coming back.
Alex sees similarities between the two all the time – including his “love of being spoilt by Nanny May”.
He knows, when Alex asks him if he wants to “see daddy”, they’ll be going to his headstone.
She added: “Malone gives his daddy grave gifts – like flowers and a Spiderman scooter.
“He knows where his dad is – but around friends, if he sees them being picked up by their dads, he’ll ask why daddy isn’t coming to pick him up.
“It’s heart-breaking – I just can’t think of what to say when he asks me that.”
Despite her heartbreak, Alex says she hasn’t been able to add Jody to Malone’s birth certificate.
She was told by a registry officer to obtain a declaration of parentage through the court – which would cost a minimum of £365.
“Jody didn’t know he was going to die,” Alex said.
“All he wanted was to be a dad and now he isn’t even on Malone’s birth certificate.
“A lot of people don’t have the money to pay for a declaration of parentage.
“You should be able to prove it by bringing a family member of the deceased to the registry office.”