Dear Abby: If we provide vegan food to guests who want it, shouldn't they offer meat to us?
DEAR ABBY: We have vegetarian and vegan friends. Over the years, when we have invited them over for a celebration, we (omnivores) always make sure to include dishes that they will enjoy. But when they invite guests for dinner, they never — ever — include a meat dish, not even a piece of chicken.
I have asked around and, apparently, that's the experience of everyone. Don't you think a little reciprocity is in order? As it is, the hospitality rule seems decidedly one-sided. If the vegans worry about (to them) inedible leftovers, they can always provide a doggy bag for their guests. — ONE-SIDED IN THE WEST
DEAR ONE-SIDED: Please consider this your wake-up call. Many vegans and vegetarians do not want meat, chicken or fish in their kitchens. If, in addition to what they provide, you feel the need to consume animal protein, consume some before you go to their home or afterward. If this does not suit you, respond to their invitation with polite regrets.
DEAR ABBY: I'm in an open relationship with my partner. We both enjoy hooking up with other people, but only if we agree on the person. It was going great; I still got my one-on-one time with my partner. But now it seems that instead of making love with just me, the only time he wants to touch me is if someone else comes over. What's the best way to approach him about it? Should I suggest we stop inviting people over for that type of fun? — ADVENTUROUS LADY
DEAR LADY: Your partner appears to have lost interest in one-on-one intimacy. If that's the case, you need for him to own up so you can adjust your life accordingly. Healthy relationships, open or closed, involve honest communication. If you are unhappy with the way your relationship has devolved, you have every right to say so.
DEAR ABBY: I am 58 and a recovering addict. I used drugs and alcohol for 30-plus years, and now I have 20 months clean, thank God. Throughout my addiction, I had a friend who was my strong supporter. I always regarded him as a friend, since he was there when I was actively addicted.
Now that I'm clean, he wants to step it up and go from friends to a relationship. Yes, I care for him, but he wants to get married without first getting to know the real me. He's a hard worker who doesn't drink or smoke. He just works and comes home. He's just the type of man I've been looking for. Please advise me on what I should do. — CLEAN AND SOBER IN FLORIDA
DEAR CLEAN AND SOBER: Your statement that this man wants to get married without first getting to know the real (I assume you mean sober) you speaks volumes to me. It tells me you are making mature, well-thought-out judgments, for which I congratulate you. He may be just the type you are looking for, but postpone marriage until you are certain that he knows and can accept the new strong and sober you.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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