I banned the ‘slutty’ Halloween costume my 14-year-old picked – and I’m judging her friends’ mums for their skimpy looks
SCROLLING through the images of Halloween costumes online, my jaw drops in sheer horror.
Not because the outfits are especially spooky, as you might expect, but because they’re almost eye-poppingly ‘sexy’.
Some are positively X-rated, like something you’d find in a Soho sex shop.
The worst offender, a red fishnet devil dress with numerous cut-out sections, leaves almost nothing to the imagination.
And the scariest thing of all? This is the outfit my 14-year-old daughter wants to wear on fright night.
Ever since she was little, Cassie* has adored dressing up for Halloween.
She loves picking out her costume and, like most kids, gets a thrill from knocking on neighbours’ doors and bagging free sweets.
Each year, she and her friends walk around our estate, all dressed as witches, cats or skeletons. It’s all just a bit of harmless, innocent fun.
Sadly though, times have changed. Cassie turned 14 last month and this years’ costume request has really spooked me out.
This Halloween, she has been pleading with me to buy her the revealing £45 She Devil outfit.
It’s a red fishnet ‘dress’ – and I use that word loosely, as there is very little material involved, with cut-outs around the cleavage, midriff and at the sides.
It comes complete with red wings, devil horns and a fork. And of course, she wants sky-high red PVC boots to go with it.
To me, it looks like something you’d buy from Victoria’s Secret or Ann Summers, rather than a fancy dress shop.
I took one glance and gave her a firm ‘no’, but many of my mum friends seem to have given up the fight.
Cassie’s pals have bought slutty vampire and witch outfits and one is apparently going out dressed as a ‘cheerleader zombie’, in a dress so short it leaves almost nothing to the imagination.
Another girl says she’ll be wearing tie-up faux leather leggings with cat ears.
When I asked her mother if she thought it was appropriate, she told me she thought there was little harm and said she was worried that by making it out of bounds, her teen would only want it even more.
I gave her a firm ‘no’, but many mum friends have given up the fight.
But these are the same parents who let their kids roll up their skirts and wear fake lashes to school.
I put my foot down whenever I can with this stuff, but I can’t stop her hitching up her skirt once she’s out of sight.
However, I’m not paying hundreds of pounds for fake lashes and acrylic nails.
Surely we have to start setting boundaries for our children?
I believe that allowing them to dress in these kinds of outfits is hugely damaging. We’re basically teaching young girls that they are something to be viewed by others and sexualised, rather than a person with a brain and a personality.
More mums should have a backbone like me when it comes to what their kids wear. If their children get unwanted attention when out trick or treating, it’s the parents’ fault.
What to do if your child wants to wear an innapropriate Halloween costume
Chartered psychologist Dr Louise Goddard-Crawley says: “Addressing a situation where a 14-year-old wants to wear a revealing Halloween costume can be challenging for parents, especially when they might feel torn between respecting their teenager’s independence and feeling concerned about the implications of such an outfit.
It’s understandable for parents to feel protective and anxious about societal pressures or how their child may be perceived, especially during a time when setting boundaries feels crucial.
For this mum, it’s also important to empathise with the daughter, who is at an age where she’s exploring her identity, testing limits, and figuring out how to express herself.
The goal is not to shame the choice, but to help teenagers understand the context and potential impact of their clothing. Parents can start by approaching the conversation with curiosity and openness, rather than judgement. For example, they can be curious about what their child likes about the costume and why it appeals to them.
Use this as an opportunity to discuss topics like consent, self-respect, and how different outfits can influence others’ perceptions.
Perhaps offering alternatives that still feel exciting, but strike a balance between style and appropriateness can be helpful.
By acknowledging your own feelings and validating your daughter’s perspective, you can foster a balanced dialogue that hopefully respects her need for autonomy while also guiding her towards making thoughtful choices.
Essentially, it’s not about shutting down your daughter’s choices, but helping her find a way to express herself that feels right for both of you. Maybe you could work together to find a fun, creative costume that still feels empowering.
All girls want to look good, but it’s up to us to teach them about boundaries and what is appropriate and what is not.
Some parents can’t face the constant arguments with their children, but if you let them get away with it now, it will only get worse and perhaps the girls will be sl*t-shamed and come home upset.
Then you’ll have to pick up the pieces later.
I looked online to try to find a compromise and was utterly horrified by some of the outfits on sale.
Online fashion giant Shein even has a so-called ‘sexy pumpkin’ outfit for £10.25. Since when have pumpkins been sexy, for goodness sake?
Many of these outfits, complete with stilettos and six-inch heels, used to belong in fetish shop windows. But it appears now they have left the shadowy enclaves of those establishments and have become mainstream, ready for fright night.
More mums should have a backbone like me when it comes to what their kids wear
Halloween should be a time for people to show off their creativity, not their knickers.
It reminded me of the film Mean Girls, where Lindsay Lohan‘s character cleverly says: “Halloween is the one night a year when a girl can dress like a total sl*t and no other girls can say anything about it.”
While that might be true, it seems girls are now routinely pressured into being sexy. But there’s a fine line between sexy and ‘slutty’.
In the film, Lohan’s character ended up dressing as a zombie bride, while most of the others wore lingerie and animal ears.
Of course, my daughter wasn’t happy with me when I said no. She has been sulking in her room for days, but I don’t care. I’ve got to do what is in her best interests. She is only a child.
Boys certainly don’t feel the same pressure to show off their bodies. Most of them are still in vampire or ghost costumes, with the emphasis on humour, rather than anything remotely sexual.
In contrast, the pressure on the girls to fit in by being sexy is immense.
Cassie is still angry at me for denying her the right to show off her still-developing body, but I won’t apologise for being a responsible parent.
Sometimes you have to trust your instincts, no matter how much it upsets them.
Once she is 18, Cassie can make her own decisions. But for now, I’m sticking to my guns. She’s only 14 and I won’t let her out trick or treating or to any Halloween party dressed like a sl*t.