I’m an FGM survivor – barbaric abuse on a family holiday aged 7 nearly killed me, I’ve had death threats for speaking up
“THAT’S just what happens to little girls like you”, was what Nimco Ali was told by her teacher after she was subjected to the horror of female genital mutilation (FGM).
Just seven years old at the time, Nimco was desperately trying to make sense of what had happened to her but was told what so many survivors hear about FGM – it’s part of being a woman.
The barbaric procedure involves partial or total removal of the female anatomy for non medical reasons and has been illegal in the UK since 1985, and is classified as child abuse.
According to data from 2013, there are 230 million women globally living with FGM, 137,00 of those women live right here in the UK, including Nimco.
Born in Somaliland, her childhood was split between Africa and the UK, living in both Manchester and Cardiff.
The eldest of six siblings, Nimco was the last generation of a long line of women to undergo FGM, and for the past decade she has campaigned to make sure the generational abuse stops for thousands of women globally.
It’s been 34 years since Nimco was subjected to the horror of FGM at the age of seven but she still remembers the sense of ‘evil’ she felt that day.
On a family holiday to Dijbouti, Africa to visit relatives, Nimco had no idea what was planned for her.
She reminded me of a dementor from Harry Potter – I could just sense this evil coming from her
Nimco Ali
Speaking to Fabulous as part of Life Stories, our YouTube series where ordinary people share their extraordinary experiences, Nimco recalls: “It was just before we came back to the UK.
‘A sense of evil’
“We were at the house we were staying in and I just had a feeling that something was planned for me but I didn’t understand what that was.
“I wasn’t afraid until I physically saw my cutter.
“She reminded me of a dementor from Harry Potter – I could just sense this evil coming from her.
“I didn’t understand what the dire consequences would be, but I knew nothing good was coming my way.”
Nimco was given some anaesthesia but stresses that the procedure was not done in a medical environment.
She was subjected to type 3 FGM (for more information please see box below) which is considered to be a more extreme version.
However, London-based Nimco says she doesn’t see it that way.
“I would never classify any FGM as being worse than the other,” she says.
“I think the actual act of FGM is what’s terrible, and no one is more illegal or appalling than the next.
“That’s the reason why I don’t really differentiate what happened to me and what happened to other girls.
WHAT IS FGM AND HOW CAN IT BE TREATED?
Female genital mutilation (FGM) is an illegal procedure where the female genitals are deliberately cut, injured and changed.
It’s also known as “female circumcision” or “cutting”, and it is child abuse.
The NHS states there’s no medical reason for this to be done.
There are four types of FGM
Type 1: Removing part or all of the clitoris.
Type 2: Removing part or all of the clitoris and the inner labia (lips that surround the vagina), with or without removal of the labia majora (larger outer lips).
Type 3: Narrowing of the vaginal opening by creating a seal, formed by cutting and re-positioning the labia.
Type 4: Pricking, piercing, cutting, scraping or burning the area.
Source: NHS
What are the side effects?
- Constant pain
- Pain and/or difficulty having sex
- Repeated infections, which can lead to infertility
- Bleeding, cysts and abscesses
- Problems passing urine or incontinence
- Depression, flashbacks and self-harm
- Problems during labour and childbirth, which can be life-threatening for mother and baby
- Some girls die from blood loss or infection as a direct result of the procedure
How can it be treated?
Surgery called deinfibulation can be performed to open up the vagina.
It is sometimes known as a “reversal”, but the NHS says this is misleading because the procedure doesn’t replace removed tissue and doesn’t undo the damage caused by FGM.
Surgery can be recommended for women who are unable to have sex or have difficulty passing urine, or pregnant women at risk of problems during labour as a result of FGM.
Deinfibulation involves making a cut to open the scar tissue over the entrance to the vagina and is usually performed under local anaesthetic.
“It was still a harmful experience and something that was completely unnecessary and unacceptable.”
Back in the UK and desperate to make sense of what happened to her, she sought the help of her teacher.
“I was always a very outspoken child and so I told her what had happened to me outright,” Nimco says.
“She looked absolutely horrified and didn’t have an answer suitable for a seven-year-old so she just told me that this is what happened to girls like me.”
Could never recover
Nimco says that while the aftermath of her procedure ‘wasn’t necessarily painful’, it changed her.
“I was angry,” she says.
“I was incredibly angry with the people around me who I trusted and I think that really stayed with me for a long time.”
Nimco says she never truly ‘recovered’ physically from her FGM until the age of 11 when she collapsed in the school playground.
The procedure had caused an urinary infection four years later and Nimco was dangerously close to kidney failure, she was rushed to hospital where she was treated.
“My FGM couldn’t be undone of course, that’s why we call it ‘mutilation’,” Nimco says.
“But I was able to live a healthier life after that.
I just wanted other survivors to know they weren’t alone
Nimco Ali
“Though my mental recovery didn’t begin until I began my campaign work in my 30s.”
Nimco has been campaigning to end FGM globally for over a decade, but she admits that while she was an outspoken child, speaking out didn’t come easily.
She says: “I never really wanted to talk about FGM because it was something that was very personal.
“There was always this picture that was painted of a poor African girl from an uneducated family. This horrible thing happened to her. We need to rescue her.
“I didn’t need to be rescued, I didn’t want people to see me that way.
“It wasn’t until my 30s, when I met another survivor who was sharing her story on stage that I realised I had to speak out.
“She was being forced to tell her story, and was hyperventilating on stage.
“I realised my silence was complicit in her struggle and it meant she thought there was no one out there who related to what she had been through.
“I just wanted her, and other survivors, to know they weren’t alone.”
In 2019 Nimco co-founded The Five Foundation, The Global Partnership To End FGM, to raise the issue on the international agenda and to get new donors to contribute.
Nimco, who was awarded an OBE in 2019 for her campaigning, also previously co-founded Daughters of Eve in 2010.
Nimco’s work over the past ten years has helped to thrust the issue of FGM into the forefront of issues in ending violence against women.
There’s no doubt that her work has an overwhelmingly positive impact, she admits that initially she attracted negative attention.
“I had incredibly negative responses when I first spoke about FGM,” she says.
Death threats
“I received death threats, people who I really trusted were very angry with the fact I was speaking out as a strong survivor.
“Ultimately I had to move away from where I was living and I lost contact with a lot of people.
“For the first six years it felt very isolating and I felt like I was speaking out because I had to rather than wanting to.”
Nimco was the last of the women in her family who was subjected to FGM with every woman before her also being cut.
She admits that initially her mum struggled with her decision to speak out about the abuse.
“It was something that was quite painful for her and I was very open about it,” she says.
“I think she worried what people would think of her well-educated daughter talking about her vagina.
“I’m conscious about the reactions other people have, but I don’t necessarily care about it as much as I used to, ultimately I am doing this to protect others.”
While her family had been present and aware of her FGM, Nimco says she doesn’t hold any blame to her mum for what happened.
“My FGM happened really out of context,” she says.
“My childhood was totally idyllic and I was extremely happy.
“My mum and my grandmother were incredible feminists and they were women who championed me throughout my life.
“They had no control over what is a patriarchal practice that they had been brought up with.
HOW YOU CAN SUPPORT NIMCO’S FIGHT TO END FGM
I have worked for the last decade to make sure that girls are given the protection they need and not failed like I was.
I co-founded The Five Foundation, The Global Partnership To End FGM, in 2019 to raise the issue on the international agenda and to get new donors to contribute.
We have raised new funds for this abuse of children.
In 2020 we re-granted funding and provided support in other ways to around 20 women’s rights activists working on the front lines in the UK, Somaliland, The Gambia, Kenya, Nigeria, Egypt, Sierra Leone, Guinea and Tanzania.
For some reason, large donors have steered clear of funding work to end FGM. It is sometimes seen as too complicated to solve, even though we know that when funding goes to the right place it can be reduced significantly.
We need to start to ramp up funding to the brave women on the frontlines who are doing all of the heavy lifting.
I hope you can join this effort too and donate through The Five Foundation’s website.
“They had control over the way that I was raised prior to my FGM and after my FGM. So I was allowed to be who I was.
“For me to be as vocal, as argumentative and also as single mindedly stubborn as I was, I think that’s a testament to the women that were around me.”
While Nimco admits that she is strong and resilient, she says that doesn’t need to be the case for every survivor.
“There’s an incredible strength in vulnerability,” she says.
“Sometimes when you let things fall apart is when you really find your true self.
“There are people out there to help you so I would say to every survivor, be kind to yourself and give yourself grace and time.
“Your story is your own and it’s up to you when you tell it.”