I cheated on my husband twice & became super insecure – but people say they’re not surprised I looked elsewhere
A MOTHER divided opinions when she vented about her husband struggling to get over her multiple affairs.
She confessed to feeling “sad” that their marriage seems beyond repair despite seeking help from a couple’s counsellor.
The couple tied the knot despite her having cheated 2.5 years into their long-distance relationship.
The mother-of-two said they began to struggle to communicate with each other but didn’t seek therapy.
They were both working “stressful full-time jobs” and their marriage lacked emotional intimacy when she cheated again in year 18 of their 25-year relationship.
She admitted to wanting to leave at the time but staying because her husband wanted her to.
“I single-handedly did a massive self-examination,” she said, writing on Mumsnet.
“Cut contact with AP [affair partner] etc, read many reconciliation blogs, read Chumplady, watched endless videos, went on my knees begging forgiveness, admitted to many personal failings to various people close to me, saw 2 professional therapists, texted non-stop with a close friend who knows about the last affair.
“I changed many aspects of my behaviour, quit full-time work, now work pt 100% from home, am calmer, much more affectionate, give daily compliments, appreciations, loving texts, make nice meals, generally bring nicer to the extent others have remarked a change including children DH and others.
“We still have an active, good sex life.”
She recently forgot to contact her husband while spending time with her family which triggered “all his old fears of abandonment.”
The mum said he’s become a “bundle of hurt and insecurities” who is retaliating by refusing to contact her when he goes on his business trip.
“I realise this is my doing, mostly,” she said. “He was a s**t partner when I was working ft and kids were young. Didn’t pull his weight for sure.
“But. Is this solvable?”
She described her husband as “chronically insecure” as she listed his other anxieties.
They included worrying about what his family thinks of their home and telling their daughter her cousin would “resent” her for cancelling a visit.
A flood of responses to the post argued the marriage was over and the couple should divorce, but they were torn about who was to blame.
“It doesn’t sound very resolvable, and most of that is your own daft fault,” one person wrote.
“You broke his trust. Not once, but twice. That’s a huge hurt that will most probably never go away.”
Four red flags your partner is cheating
Private Investigator Aaron Bond from BondRees revealed four warning signs your partner might be cheating.
They start to take their phone everywhere with them
In close relationships, it’s normal to know each other’s passwords and use each other’s phones, if their phone habits change then they may be hiding something.
Aaron says: “If your partner starts changing their passwords, starts taking their phone everywhere with them, even around the house or they become defensive when you ask to use their phone it could be a sign of them not being faithful.”
“You should also look at how they place their phone down when not in use. If they face the phone with the screen facing down, then they could be hiding something.”
They start telling you less about their day
When partners cheat they can start to avoid you, this could be down to them feeling guilty or because it makes it easier for them to lie to you.
“If you feel like your partner has suddenly begun to avoid you and they don’t want to do things with you any more or they stop telling you about their day then this is another red flag.”
“Partners often avoid their spouses or tell them less about their day because cheating can be tough, remembering all of your lies is impossible and it’s an easy way to get caught out,” says Aaron.
Their libido changes
Your partner’s libido can change for a range of reasons so it may not be a sure sign of cheating but it can be a red flag according to Aaron.
Aaron says: “Cheaters often have less sex at home because they are cheating, but on occasions, they may also have more sex at home, this is because they feel guilty and use this increase in sex to hide their cheating. You may also find that your partner will start to introduce new things into your sex life that weren’t there before.”
They become negative towards you
Cheaters know that cheating is wrong and to them, it will feel good, this can cause tension and anxiety within themselves which they will need to justify.
“To get rid of the tension they feel inside they will try to convince themselves that you are the problem and they will become critical of you out of nowhere. Maybe you haven’t walked the dog that day, put the dishes away or read a book to your children before bedtime. A small problem like this can now feel like a big deal and if you experience this your partner could be cheating,” warns Aaron.
Others defended the mum with one saying her husband sounded like “very hard work.”
“He sounds like a controlling bully. I’m not surprised you cheated,” another person wrote.
A third argued the woman’s cheating shouldn’t be used against her because her husband has the choice to leave at any time.
“With cheating, imo [in my opinion], the one being cheated on either needs to find a way to move on or split with their partner.
“Not doing so becomes a life sentence for both. It just isn’t good and you can’t get back to where you were before.
“You have to get to a different place. And he’s unable to get to a different place so don’t let this be your life sentence.
“As for his behaviour towards your dd [dearest daughter], he doesn’t sound very nice to her. And he’s not a great partner by the sound of it either.
“Even though I don’t agree with cheating, I can see why you sought fun and solace elsewhere. You’d both probably be better off apart.”