Should I tell my cousin that her ‘charmer’ boyfriend is a monster who assaulted me?
DEAR DEIDRE: I CAN’T look my cousin in the eye after having a drunken one-night stand with her new man.
This secret is playing on my mind and I want to tell her but I’m worried she’ll feel I have betrayed her.
I’m fretting, not because I cheated, but because of his aggressive sexual behaviour.
I’m 26 and this man is 28.
He was the best man at another relation’s wedding and delivered the funniest, most confident speech I’ve ever seen.
He charmed everyone — from the grans and great aunts down to the youngest flower girls.
So at the end of the night when I decided to head for bed I was delighted that he casually followed me upstairs.
Once we were alone in the corridor he asked if I fancied seeing his room.
Tipsy and high on what had been a brilliant day, I agreed.
We had sex – it was great fun as we were both pretty tipsy.
Then in the middle of the night he woke me up and announced he still felt horny.
He demanded oral sex this time.
I was still half asleep at this point and not really in the mood but he insisted by sitting me up in bed and straddling me.
He then held onto my head so I couldn’t move.
I found the whole thing very confusing and upsetting but haven’t told anyone.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
I think I’ve been working it out but I definitely think he assaulted me.
A week after the wedding my best friend, who is also my cousin, called to tell me she’d been out on a date with this same guy and they’d had the “best sex” of her life.
They’ve been out a few times now and she really likes him and feels sure they’ll become official soon.
I know I’ve got to tell her, but the longer I leave it, the harder it becomes.
DEIDRE SAYS: I’m sorry to confirm that from what you have written, it definitely sounds like you have been sexually assaulted.
You’ve had a nasty experience and now you feel an extra layer and sense of responsibility to your best friend.
As you say, you clearly haven’t cheated but this secret is coming between you.
Please be assured there is no correct time period to come to terms with this sort of attack.
You need to work things through at your pace, while keeping in mind your goal of telling her.
Please talk this through with someone who can support you first and foremost and help you decide your next steps.
Please contact Rape Crisis (rapecrisis.org.uk) who support victims of sexual assault and rape.
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